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| McKenzie | Henry Miller said, "the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature". | |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Yeah, well. That guy had a lot more sex than me. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Nobody loves Ringo Starr. |
| Summer Finn |
|
That's what I love about him. |
| Tom | It pains me that we live in a world where nobody's heard of Spearmint. |
| Author's Note | The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you Jenny Beckman. Bitch. |
| Vance | Roses are red, violets are blue... Fuck you, whore! |
| Tom Hansen |
|
People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated. |
| Rachel Hansen | Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate. |
| Summer Finn |
|
You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Darling, I don't know how to tell you this, but...there's a Chinese family in our bathroom. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
My name's Tom. |
| Autumn | Nice to meet you. I'm Autumn. |
| Narrator | Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Paul, seriously. |
| Paul | Did you bang her? | |
| Tom Hansen |
|
No. |
| Paul | What? Hum job? Hand job? | |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Man, no. No jobs. I'm still unemployed. We...we kissed. |
| Summer Finn |
|
I named my cat after Springsteen. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Cool...what's his name? |
| Summer Finn |
|
Bruce. |
| Paul | Robin is better than the girl of my dreams. She's real. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
You don't want to be named as anybody's girlfriend, and now you're someone's wife? |
| Tom Hansen |
|
She took a giant shit on my face, literally. |
| Alison | Literally? | |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Well, no, not literally. That's disgusting - what's the matter with you?! |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble? |
| Narrator | If Tom had learned anything, it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence. Tom had finally learned, there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
This is lies. We are liars. Think about it. Why do people buy cards? It's not because they want to say how they feel. People buy cards because they can't say they feel or are afraid to. And we provide the service that let's them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. Or at least let them speak for themselves. Right? |
| Vance | Misery, sadness, loss of faith, no reason to live... This is perfect for you. |
| Narrator | This is a story of boy meets girl but you should know up front, this is not a love story... |
| Tom Hansen |
|
[shouts] I HATE THIS SONG. |
| Bus Driver | Son, you're gonna have to exit the vehicle. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
You're not the only one that gets a say in this, I do too! and I say we're a couple, goddammit. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
How about 'Every day you make me proud... but today you get a card.' |
| Mckensie | Shit, that's good! | |
| Tom Hansen |
|
I know. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
PENIS! |
| Rachel Hansen | Better that you find this out now before you come home and find her in bed with Lars from Norway. | |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Who's Lars from Norway? |
| Rachel Hansen | Just some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
If you heard any of, urm... |
| Summer Finn |
|
Heard what? |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Nothing, you wanna go? |
| Summer Finn |
|
Yeah, I'm stalking, I mean I'm starving. |
| Summer Finn |
|
The sink's broken. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Well, that's okay, because that's why we bought a home with... two kitchens. |
| Summer Finn |
|
You're so smart! I'll race you to the bedroom. |
| Summer Finn |
|
... The Smiths? |
| Tom Hansen |
|
[nods] |
| Summer Finn |
|
I love The Smiths! |
| Tom Hansen |
|
[takes headphones off] Sorry? |
| Summer Finn |
|
I said I love The Smiths... You've great taste in music. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
You like The Smiths?! |
| Summer Finn |
|
Yeah! [sings] ...To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die... I love 'em! |
| Tom Hansen |
|
What happens if you fall in love? |
| Summer Finn |
|
You don't believe that... do you? |
| Tom Hansen |
|
It's love, it's not santa clause. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
What happened? Why didn't they work out? |
| Summer Finn |
|
What always happens: life. |
| Tom Hansen |
|
Are you kidding they aren't going to let you back in after what happen last time, you threaten to burn the whole place down. |
| Mckensie | But I didn't |
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edit
Box Office
Domestic $32,391,374 Foreign +$26,313,592 - = total worldwide gross $58,704,966
- - a reported budget of $7,500,000
- = a 682.7% net profit of $51,204,966
- show in today's dollars »
-
activity & ranking332 people have watched this item.
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In today's dollars
Domestic $32,391,374 Foreign +26,313,592 - = total worldwide gross $58,704,966
- - a reported budget of $7,500,000
- = a 682.7% net profit of $51,204,966
