American Pie Quotes (1999)

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Steve Stifler Suck me, beautiful!
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Noah Levenstein Well...we'll just tell your mom that, uh...we ate it.
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Jim Levenstein I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
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Michelle Flaherty This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.
Jim Levenstein Excuse me?
Michelle Flaherty What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!
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Kevin Myers No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
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Noah Levenstein I have to admit, you know, I did a fair bit of uh, masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.
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Chuck Sherman I am The Sherminator. I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.
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Chris "Oz" Ostreicher All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler I dunno man that...sounds like a lot of work!
  • In today's dollars
    Domestic $102,561,004
    Foreign +132,922,000
  • = total worldwide gross $235,483,004
  • - a reported budget of $11,000,000
  • = a 2,040.8% net profit of $224,483,004
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