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| Lucille Bluth |
|
Look at what the homosexuals have done to me |
| Michael Bluth |
|
You can't just comb that out and reset it? |
| Lucille Bluth |
|
Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant . I just make me want to...set myself on fire! |
| Narrator | This is Michael Bluth. He's a good man. |
| Michael Bluth |
|
So this is the magic trick, huh? |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
"Illusion" Michael. A 'trick' is something a whore does for money....or cocaine. |
| George Bluth Sr. |
|
What are you...I don't have time for your tricks Gob. |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Illusions, dad! You don't have time for my illusions. |
| White Power Bill | (shanks GOB) White power! | |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
I'm... white... |
| Mae "Maeby" Fünke |
|
Well this is it. If my parents don't notice this, I really might go to South America! |
| George-Michael Bluth |
|
But that says Portugal? |
| Mae "Maeby" Fünke |
|
That's right. |
| Lindsay Bluth Fünke |
|
That's all I ever wanted from you, Daddy! To spend money on me! |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
I could've been half way to South America, mom. But I came back for Michael! Because we're brothers, mom. And we sort of like each other! |
| Michael Bluth |
|
You were going to South America? |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
I don't think so. |
| Clothing store clerk | May I help you? | |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
I hope so. Um, I'm looking for something that says, "Dad likes leather!" |
| Clothing store clerk | Something that says... "Leather Daddy"? | |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
Oh there is such a thing? |
| Mae "Maeby" Fünke |
|
All Pop Pop ever wanted is to see you with another man besides daddy. |
| Lindsay Bluth Fünke |
|
You're right. I'm gonna throw on a skirt, take off my panties, and make Pop Pop proud |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
Uh oh. Here comes John Wayne. "I'm not gonna cry about my Pa. I'm gonna build an airport, put my name on it!". Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? |
| George-Michael Bluth |
|
She's so pretty. |
| Michael Bluth |
|
Is she? |
| George-Michael Bluth |
|
I wish I could draw her nose. |
| Michael Bluth |
|
Are you serious? |
| Wayne Jarvis | I almost always am. I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque de Soleil ever had. | |
| Michael Bluth |
|
That is a big accusation |
| Wayne Jarvis | Well Michael, I did not find their buffoonery amusing. |
| Michael Bluth |
|
You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees. |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Yeah, like the CEO has to worry about alienating the employees. |
| Narrator | In fact, GOB had started to alienate some of the employees. | |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
[in the break room]...The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. Come on! |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
[in the elevator] Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on! |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
[in the bathroom]Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on! |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
That's my wife and my nephew. We have an open relationship. |
| Byron "Buster" Bluth |
|
Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me up for something called 'Hero Squad'. |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
I never knew a ninety year-old man could cave in my chest like that. |
| Narrator | Tobias listens to a days worth of his own words to see what Michael was talking about. | |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
(RECORDING)Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up. |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
Nothing wrong with that. |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
(RECORDING)Oh I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can. |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
Out of context. |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
(RECORDING)I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks, so to speak |
| Narrator | And he realized there is something distinctive about the way he speaks. | |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
Tobias... you blowhard! |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Fine! You don't get to be bait! |
| Lucille Bluth |
|
They're not going to let you into the country club with that |
| Byron "Buster" Bluth |
|
(Through Franklin Puppet) I don't want no part of your tight ass country club ya freak bitch! |
| Byron "Buster" Bluth |
|
She's better looking than the whores you date. |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Don't call my escorts whores. |
| Byron "Buster" Bluth |
|
Mom's still got it! |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
I don't date whores! |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Well, I will tell you this, Michael. I don't have a son. |
| Narrator | He does. | |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
But if I ever do, I'm either gonna take him to the cabin in the woods, or I'm going to promise to take him but then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods and then not take him! |
| Michael Bluth |
|
Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken? |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth now. |
| Lucille Bluth |
|
He's just jealous that I have a man back in my life. And guess what else is back? [She winks] |
| Michael Bluth |
|
My breakfast? |
| Lucille Bluth |
|
My friskiness. I'm horny Michael. |
| Michael Bluth |
|
No, it's my breakfast. |
| Bob Loblaw | Why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed? |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Steve Holt is not my son |
| George-Michael Bluth |
|
Steve Holt? What the moron jock? |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
That's my son you pothead! |
| Tobias Fünke |
|
Okay Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over: an analyst and therapist? The world's first analrapist? |
| Narrator | Please tell your friends about this show. |
| George 'Gob' Bluth II |
|
Why settle for the best when you can get the rest... of your life with a younger man? |
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