Batman Returns Quotes (1992)

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The Penguin You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!
Batman You might be right.
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Alfred Pennyworth Let's not forget about repairing the Batmobile. There's security to consider. It's not as though we can take it to any old "Joe's bodyshop," is it, sir?
Batman Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working and I turn around, there she is. "Oh hi, Vick - come on in."
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Catwoman I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.
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Catwoman Life's a bitch, now so am I!
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Catwoman You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed, and to die for.
Batman Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Catwoman But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. You're the second man who killed me this week, but I've got seven lives left.
Batman I tried to save you.
Catwoman Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe you should retire.
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Catwoman Please, I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.
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The Penguin I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two.
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Catwoman Honey, I'm home! Oh wait I forgot, I'm not married.
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James Gordon Thanks for the saving the day, Batman. I'm afraid the circus gang is back.
Batman We'll see.
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Batman Admiring your handy work?
The Penguin Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.
Batman You're not the mayor.
The Penguin Things change.
Batman What do you want?
The Penguin Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask! Heheh.
Batman [hard stare]
The Penguin You don't really think you'll win, do you?
Batman Things change.
Catwoman Meow.
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Catwoman Okay, go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me.
Max Shreck Actually, it's a lot like that.
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Batman The point is, Max, Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that. My question is: what's your angle?
Max Shreck Power surplus? Bruce, shame on you. No such thing. One can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning.
Batman Yeah, well... I'm gonna fight you on this. And I've already spoken to the mayor and we see eye to eye, so...
Max Shreck Mayors come and go. Blue bloods tire easy. You think you can go fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck?
Batman Well, I guess we're gonna find out. Course, I don't have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner, so it might...
Max Shreck Crime boss? Shows what you know, Mr. to-the-manor-born-with-a-silver-spoon. Oswald is Gotham's new golden boy. If his parents hadn't eighty-sixed him, you two might've been bunkies at prep school!
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Catwoman You said you were going to scare the Ice Princess.
The Penguin She looked pretty scared to me!
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Ice Princess The tree lights up, and then I push the button. No no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I press the button and then the tree lights up...
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Alfred Pennyworth Why are you still out? Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person?
Batman I think he knows who his parents are. There's something else...
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Batman "Red Triangle Circus put on a swell show with fierce lions... circus returns with a Freak Show, may not be suitable for kids. Featuring a poodle lady, the world's fattest man... and an aquatic bird boy."
Alfred Pennyworth Why are you so determined to prove this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man beast in town?
Batman "... circus folded it's tents yesterday, perhaps forever after numerous reports of missing children. In several towns, police have closed down the Red Triangle's fairgrounds, however at least one freak show performer vanished before he could be questioned."
Alfred Pennyworth I suppose you feel better now, sir.
Batman No, actually I feel worse.
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Catwoman It's gonna be a hot time on the cold town tonight.
Batman You-you've got kind of a - kind of a dark side, don't you?
Catwoman No darker than yours, Bruce.
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The Penguin Don't adjust your sets. Welcome to the Oswald Cobblepot school of driving. Gentlemen, start your screaming!
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Max Shreck You're not just saving a life, you're saving yo-[Batman shoves his hand in Shreck's face]
Batman Shut up. You're going to jail.
Catwoman Don't be naīve! The law doesn't apply to people like him or us!
Batman Wrong on both counts. Why are you doing this? Let's just take him to the police, then we can go home. Together. Selina... Don't you see? We're the same. We're the same. Split, right down the center. [rips his cowl off] Selina... please.
Catwoman Bruce... I would love to live with you in your castle, forever just like in fairy tale...
Batman [tries to comfort Selia, but she scratches his face]
Catwoman I just couldn't live with myself! So don't pretend this is a happy ending!
Max Shreck Selina! Selina Kyle, you're fired! And Bruce Wayne, why are you dressed up like Batman?
Catwoman Because he *is* Batman, you moron!
Max Shreck Was. [shoots Batman]
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The Penguin [Choking on his own blood as he aims an umbrella at Batman, only to reveal one with a baby mobile] AUGH! SHIT! I PICKED THE CUTE ONE... UGH, AGHH!... This heat's gettin' to me... AUGH... I'll murder you momentarily... [chokes] But first... I need a cold drink of iced water. [falls over dead]
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Alfred Pennyworth Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mister Wayne.
Batman Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men... and women.
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Paperboy Read about the possible terror beneath our feet! Check it out people! Hey man, check it out, missing link between man and bird.
Alfred Pennyworth My dear boy... sometimes it's a diversion to read such rubbish. Most of the time it's a waste of time.
Paperboy Whatever. Today's issue! "The Penguin: Man or myth?"
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Volunteer Bimbo You are the coolest role-model a young person could have!
The Penguin And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have.
  • edit Box Office
    Domestic $162,831,698
    Foreign +$103,990,656
  • = total worldwide gross $266,822,354
  • - a reported budget of $80,000,000
  • = a 233.5% net profit of $186,822,354
  • show in today's dollars »
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  • In today's dollars
    Domestic $162,831,698
    Foreign +103,990,656
  • = total worldwide gross $266,822,354
  • - a reported budget of $80,000,000
  • = a 233.5% net profit of $186,822,354
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