| Holly Gribbs | No offence, but I don't want to eat anything that's been in this office. |
| Jim Brass | You're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence, and violating seven articles of scumbag. |
| Sara | Hey, Grissom ... could you come tape me up? |
| Sara | I am a woman and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife. |
| Sara | I wish I was like you, Grissom; I wish I didn't feel anything. |
| Grissom | Did you ever hear a dog say "woof-woof", Greg? |
| Jim Brass | You know what I think. I don't think you two are murderers, I think you're just felony stupid. |
| Catherine Willows | Never doubt and never look back. That's how I live my life. |
| Jim Brass | Newsflash, sweetheart. You can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut. |
| Nick | Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemmorrhoid cream on my acne. |
| Grissom | I can't be everywhere, Warrick, and they've banned human cloning. |
| Sara | Hey, you turned my pickle into a lightbulb! |
| Grissom | Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities. | |
| Nick | Kind of sounds like you. |
| Catherine | I realized we have a very healthy relationship. | |
| Grissom | We do? | |
| Catherine | Well, when we get into a fight I don't paint Greg Sanders in liquid latex and stick a straw up his nose. | |
| Grissom | Good. He'd probably like it. |
| Grissom | I love mankind, it's people I can't stand |
| Jim Brass | Ellie, why do you do this to yourself? You're better than that. You're better than him. | |
| Ellie Brass | No, I'm not. |
| Greg | Hey Catherine? Do you think Sara would ever go out with me? | |
| Catherine | Sure! As long as you don't tell her it's a date. |
| Sara | Hey Nick, have you ever been to a swingers party? | |
| Nick | Well, if it's the same thing as a frat party yeah, lots of them. You know, you get enough booze going things can get pretty wild. | |
| Sara | Frat party, huh? Well, I wouldn't know anything about that. |
| Sara Sidle | I've got crabs. | |
| Gil Grissom | Excuse me? | |
| Sara Sidle | I've got crabs, take a look. (Indicating the microscope) |
| Gil Grissom | All right, stick around. I need your eyes. | |
| Ronnie Litre | As long as they stay in my head. |
| Greg | You infected me with mildew? |
| Nick Stokes | People are pigs. | |
| Gil Grissom | Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean. |
| Jim Brass | Gil, do me a favour. Get a sports car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle. |
| Catherine Willows | Where is the body? | |
| Sara Sidle | Upstairs | |
| Catherine Willows | It's raining MAN JUICE? | |
| Sara Sidle | Hallelujah? |
| Catherine Willows | Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel. |
| Catherine Willows | The eternal question: Why did the man in the raccoon suit cross the road? |
| Catherine Willows | The three ingrediants to make lava flow. In fifth grade I built one of these as my science fair project it was awesome. First place should been mine. They ended up giving it to some kid with some lame red ant colony. That was you! |
| Workman | I'll give you a hammer for a screw ... |
| Grissom | You don't have a personal life? | |
| Catherine Willows | Write this down: I haven't had sex in six ... no ... seven months. | |
| Grissom | How can I help? |
| Greg Sanders | I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities. | |
| Catherine Willows | Thanks for putting that picture in my brain. |
| Lieutenant Mendez | I just made Lieutenant. I've got nothing to prove. | |
| Catherine Willows | A man with nothing to prove. That's a first. |
| Grissom | We all live in glass houses,Catherine, you gotta be careful where you take your shower. |
| Mia | I've analysed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk. |
| Jim Brass | You know I think you should drop the accent. | |
| Suspect | I can't. I'm English. | |
| Jim Brass | Oh. |
| Warrick Brown | You know, Tina doesn't like me carrying a gun. I play down the fact that I'm a cop when I'm with her anyway. | |
| Nick Stokes | Yeah, yeah, you play the scientist card: You're a "copologist". |