CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Quotes

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Edit Season 1, Episode 1: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Holly Gribbs No offence, but I don't want to eat anything that's been in this office.
Edit Season 1, Episode 2: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Jim Brass You're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence, and violating seven articles of scumbag.
Edit Season 1, Episode 3: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Sara Hey, Grissom ... could you come tape me up?
Edit Season 1, Episode 10: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Sara I am a woman and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife.
Edit Season 1, Episode 16: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Sara I wish I was like you, Grissom; I wish I didn't feel anything.
Edit Season 1, Episode 21: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom Did you ever hear a dog say "woof-woof", Greg?
Edit Season 1, Episode 22: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12:09 a.m.
Jim Brass You know what I think. I don't think you two are murderers, I think you're just felony stupid.
Edit Season 1, Episode 23: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12:42 a.m.
Catherine Willows Never doubt and never look back. That's how I live my life.
Edit Season 2, Episode 1: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Jim Brass Newsflash, sweetheart. You can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.
Nick Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemmorrhoid cream on my acne.
Edit Season 2, Episode 2: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom I can't be everywhere, Warrick, and they've banned human cloning.
Edit Season 2, Episode 3: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Sara Hey, you turned my pickle into a lightbulb!
Edit Season 2, Episode 7: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick Kind of sounds like you.
Edit Season 2, Episode 8: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine I realized we have a very healthy relationship.
Grissom We do?
Catherine Well, when we get into a fight I don't paint Greg Sanders in liquid latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Grissom Good. He'd probably like it.
Edit Season 2, Episode 10: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom I love mankind, it's people I can't stand
Jim Brass Ellie, why do you do this to yourself? You're better than that. You're better than him.
Ellie Brass No, I'm not.
Edit Season 2, Episode 11: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Greg Hey Catherine? Do you think Sara would ever go out with me?
Catherine Sure! As long as you don't tell her it's a date.
Edit Season 2, Episode 22: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Sara Hey Nick, have you ever been to a swingers party?
Nick Well, if it's the same thing as a frat party yeah, lots of them. You know, you get enough booze going things can get pretty wild.
Sara Frat party, huh? Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.
Edit Season 2, Episode 23: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Sara Sidle I've got crabs.
Gil Grissom Excuse me?
Sara Sidle I've got crabs, take a look. (Indicating the microscope)
Edit Season 3, Episode 1: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Gil Grissom All right, stick around. I need your eyes.
Ronnie Litre As long as they stay in my head.
Edit Season 3, Episode 3: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Greg You infected me with mildew?
Edit Season 3, Episode 6: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Nick Stokes People are pigs.
Gil Grissom Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean.
Edit Season 3, Episode 15: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Jim Brass Gil, do me a favour. Get a sports car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.
Edit Season 4, Episode 2: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine Willows Where is the body?
Sara Sidle Upstairs
Catherine Willows It's raining MAN JUICE?
Sara Sidle Hallelujah?
Edit Season 4, Episode 5: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine Willows Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel.
Catherine Willows The eternal question: Why did the man in the raccoon suit cross the road?
Edit Season 4, Episode 9: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine Willows The three ingrediants to make lava flow. In fifth grade I built one of these as my science fair project it was awesome. First place should been mine. They ended up giving it to some kid with some lame red ant colony. That was you!
Edit Season 4, Episode 10: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Workman I'll give you a hammer for a screw ...
Edit Season 4, Episode 15: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom You don't have a personal life?
Catherine Willows Write this down: I haven't had sex in six ... no ... seven months.
Grissom How can I help?
Edit Season 4, Episode 16: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Greg Sanders I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine Willows Thanks for putting that picture in my brain.
Edit Season 4, Episode 20: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Lieutenant Mendez I just made Lieutenant. I've got nothing to prove.
Catherine Willows A man with nothing to prove. That's a first.
Edit Season 5, Episode 4: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom We all live in glass houses,Catherine, you gotta be careful where you take your shower.
Edit Season 5, Episode 5: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Mia I've analysed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk.
Edit Season 5, Episode 11: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Jim Brass You know I think you should drop the accent.
Suspect I can't. I'm English.
Jim Brass Oh.
Edit Season 5, Episode 24: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Warrick Brown You know, Tina doesn't like me carrying a gun. I play down the fact that I'm a cop when I'm with her anyway.
Nick Stokes Yeah, yeah, you play the scientist card: You're a "copologist".
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