Whoever came up with the saying that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" obviously never came across an Asylum film, and they were probably the better for it. I have to admit that I love the balls behind simply taking the titles to two hugely profitable films and simply mashing them together like it's no big thing, especially when you're ripping off a third film entirely (in this case, The Day After Tomorrow). I really need to go back and check some of these winners out; "luckily" they're mostly on Netflix nowadays.
Anyway, you can pick up 2012: Ice Age on DVD today, if you like, or you can sample one of these fantastic other films!
 | 1. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring This might not be a new movie, but I'm sure most of you might be interested in learning that today's the day to pick up the LOTR Extended Edition in delicious Blu-Ray format. I confess that the theatrical versions of the LOTR movies are about enough for me, so I doubt I'll be picking this up, but you can nab it for 70 bucks or so on Amazon should you desire! |
 | 2. Sucker Punch I'll probably check this out on DVD, if only because I'm morbidly fascinated with how bad it probably is. It might wind up being profitable for Warner Bros. in the end, but it'll take a lot of home video sales to get there. |
 | 3. 2012: Ice Age I'd love to be able to just throw two movie titles together and make a new movie out of it. Who wouldn't want to see Fight Club: WALL-E? Or Lord Of The Rings: Reloaded? Or X-Men: Batman? Just go ahead and mash those titles together like there's no tomorrow! People'll buy it because they see it on Google...right? |
 | 4. Beastly I don't really have any comment on this one, except to say that the kid in it has a remarkable resemblance to evil-oriented Cole McGrath from Infamous 2. And apparently he's still a dick. |
 | 5. Season of the Witch I was going to make the easy "more like season of the bomb, am I right?" but it turns out that this movie made almost as much money worldwide as Sucker Punch did, with half the budget. So that's gotta count for something. |
 | 6. The Warrior's Way Now this? This was a bomb. It made something like $11 million worldwide, less than a quarter of its budget, probably because it's really, really boring. I don't know how you take a tale of cowboys and clowns vs. ninjas and make it boring, but somehow Sngmoo Lee managed the feat. Which is almost more impressive than actually doing it well. |
 | 7. Barney's Version Something about this movie just seemed off-putting to me, although I was never able to put my finger on it. Critically it was well-received, so I guess it's got that going for it. |
 | 8. Bloodworth This movie has Hilary Duff as someone called "Raven Lee Halfacre," which is ridiculous enough to make me think that it's probably not even worth watching even for Kris Kristofferson. |
 | 9. Wild Cherry The Rumer Willis bandwagon (?) keeps on a-rolling, as she stars in a 2009 movie about high school seniors who refuse to get laid. Or something like that. Look, you can pay me to write about these direct-to-dvd movies; you can't pay me to care. That's unconstitutional. |
 | 10. Tetsuo: The Bullet Man I've never seen Tetsuo: The Iron Man, but it's always been one of those weird Japanese films that's spoken of in hushed tones. I believe it received a sequel way back when, but this is the first film in the series in a while, unless I'm mistaken. |
 | 11. Lebanon, PA. Any movie with a tagline like "Life happens when you least expect it" deserves to not be watched. Sorry, that sounds like something I'd find on one of my grandmother's kitchen magnets. |
 | 12. The 11th Aggression I haven't been able to find out much about this film save that the website of its production company is stupendously, fabulously embarrassing. |
 | 13. Immigration Tango A massive 8% Rotten Tomatoes meter for this little comedy about life, love, and learning to love life again. Look, we're getting pretty far down this list. I doubt anyone's still reading this. I'm just going to talk about other things for a while, OK? Hey, aren't puppies great? |
