In the last DVD release period before Christmas, I guess we have Dolphin Tale as the last big gift-giving anchor of the year. Ignore that, and head straight to...well, I hear Midnight In Paris is really good. I didn't see it, but I'll be sure to check it out now that it's on DVD. Everyone who has seen it seems to think that it's an amazing film, so that must be worth something, right?
Are you buying anything this week, or just resting up until Christmas?
 | 1. Dolphin Tale Wait, this movie made almost 75 million dollars in the U.S.? I feel like I just woke up after a trip to the dentist, or something. I guess everyone liked it (83% RT meter), but still: it looked cloying and false based on the previews. Should've made it about puppies. |
 | 2. Midnight in Paris Woody Allen's biggest hit in years was a massive success by any measure, making money for months after its limited release. This is always the goal of limited releases; gauging interest and then packing in the audiences by word of mouth for months and months after your debut. It is, by American box office, the most successful Woody Allen movie ever. |
 | 3. Colombiana What a fucking dumb movie. I don't get moved to expletives all that often, but damn, this was a stupid, dumb movie. I actually like Zoe Saldana a fair amount, and hope that she has a long and interesting career, but don't pick movies like this to launch it. |
 | 4. Straw Dogs Ah, rape-revenge-we will defend this house movies. This year's most baffling remake divided critics and earned something like $10 million in theaters, convincing no one of its relevance. Now you can own it on DVD; aren't you excited? |
 | 5. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie In the end, no one was especially impressed by this release of a TV show's songs in movie theater format. It didn't make a huge amount of money and none of the critics were enthralled by it. Which means it has no artistic value whatsoever, according to me. |
 | 6. Margin Call It's hard to call a movie "star-studded" when it's filled with the likes of Demi Moore and Paul Bettany and Zachary Quinto and Jeremy Irons, but I guess people still kind of enjoyed it, as it grossed over five million bucks despite never opening in more than 200 theaters. |
 | 7. The Tempest In this week's weirdest release, we have The Tempest, a movie I reviewed almost a year ago, finally coming to discs. Because obviously, when you think Christmas, you think The Tempest. This was a bizarre and not very good film, despite its pedigree. |
 | 8. Blackthorn This story of Butch Cassidy's attempt to return home after a long exile in Bolivia is apparently pretty good, although movie posters that attempt to tell me that I should know this actor that I've never heard of before do little to convince me of anything. |
 | 9. Burke and Hare This is apparently one of those "I can't believe they wasted this great cast" films, if critics are to be believed. A fun story that apparently wasn't made into anything great by director John Landis. |
 | 10. Senna Senna? More like Needs Punctuation, amirite? This is on Netflix right now, and is apparently one of the best documentaries of the year, but the fact that they couldn't be bothered to put periods at the end of sentences in their subtitles is fucking baffling and led me to turn the movie off after 15 minutes or so. It's English, motherfucker; can you type it? |
 | 11. Underworld In older movies coming to DVD, we have The Underworld Trilogy: The Essential Collection. Nevermind the fact that there is a new Underworld movie coming out, which pretty much negates the assumption that this is a trilogy: has there ever been something less "essential" than the Underworld movies? |
 | 12. Catch .44 The latest in a series of "we'll put this movie out in five theaters before shoving it onto DVD two weeks later" debacles. I guess someone knows what they're doing, but I'll believe it when I see it. |
 | 13. One Tree Hill In television DVDs, we have One Tree Hill: Season 8 and Futurama 6 (whatever that means). |
