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Welcome To Weird: Future Cops

Topic started by No_name_here on Sept. 9, 2011. Last post by PatVB 1 year, 8 months ago.
Post by No_name_here (105 posts) See mini bio
Staff
Putting everything else aside... how the hell is Vega the lead?
Putting everything else aside... how the hell is Vega the lead?

When I was growing up in Asia, knock-offs were a fixture of daily life. Go to a shopping center and the big department stores on the top would have the legit products while the smaller retail shops, on the floors just below them, had the cheap, copyright-violating imitations. We’re talking about “Sonny” wristwatches and VHS copies of Cyborg (the Van Damme movie) labeled "Terminator 3" to trick the gullible. My favorites had to be the absurdly illegal Game Gear packs that squeezed 40 games into one cartridge and changed the titles willy-nilly (Ninja Star instead of Ninja Gaiden, Fight Street instead of Streets of Rage, etc.) as if doing so might actually make a difference if there was ever prosecution.

This was in the early 90s, so I can’t vouch for how that last facet of the “gray market” has evolved along with games’ exponentially-higher memory sizes. What’s funny, though, is that Future Cops came out in ‘93, so it was right in the thick of that “era.” And it feels much more like those knock-offs’ equivalent-in-video than any of the already-infamous Turkish superhero movies.

Feel it for yourself...

Of all the flicks I’ve ever featured in this column, Future Cops might be the hardest to synopsize because… well… I’m still not sure what the hell it’s about. If there ever were a flick to watch with your pals (in whatever state of mind suits you) and have some copious guffaws over how genuinely nonsensical it is; good lord, it’s Future Cops. And it makes even less sense if you have even a base familiarity with the Street Fighter games.

See if you can keep up. In the year 2043, M. Bison gets arrested in a factory by a law enforcement unit - - on flying scooters - - that includes wacky approximations of Ryu, Guile, Vega and Dhalsim. After a judge issues his prison sentence, Bison orders his evil subordinates Ken, Sagat and E. Honda to go back to ‘93 and brainwash (and/or assassinate, it's not quite clear in the subtitling) that judge before he ever even starts his career. Somehow, the thought of just asking his cronies to break him out of prison never crosses his mind. Regardless of the logic, the bad guys go to the past/present, and the good guys follow with the intention of stopping them.

Then, for about 20 minutes, the movie turns into a cheeky high school comedy with no discernible connection to what you’ve just watched. Seriously, you’ll swear you’ve changed channels unwittingly. Anyway, later on, the future cops and future crooks somehow get involved in the suburban hijinks and people start randomly turning into Blanka and Chun-Li to round out the roster. One guy turns into Goku of Dragon Ball Z, as well, and then a couple goes on a date inside the world of Super Mario Brothers 3, seemingly just for the sake of breaking as many copyright laws as possible in 90 minutes.

C'mon, now. That's Ken's pose.
C'mon, now. That's Ken's pose.

Trademark violation is truly the salient theme of Future Cops. As you’ve likely surmised, this isn’t an authorized adaptation of Capcom’s character like the Van Damme movie from a year later. It’s a renegade production, much like Nosferatu (I can’t believe the two can actually be grouped together but, yes, they can) which barely gets away with IP infringement by hastily switching names up. Thus, Ken becomes “Kent,” E. Honda becomes “Toyota,” Guile becomes “Broom Man,” and so on. Maybe Wong Jing, the director, had the same playbook as the small-time operators who made the 40-in-1 cartridges...

On one level, this is a bizarre counterpoint to put the faithfulness of the official Street Fighter movies into perspective. On another level, it’s likely the most elaborate examples of outsider art I’ve ever encountered. Wong Jing is (somewhat affectionately?) referred to the as “the King of Crappy Cinema” in Hong Kong and maybe Future Cops is better understood as the HK equivalent of quick, lowest denominator spoofs like Epic Movie and Vampires Suck, et al. On the third hand (and that wouldn't be too strange here,) there's honestly something inspired about a "lo-fi" production with the resourcefulness to swap a beach ball in for Blanka to convey the illusion of his famous cannonball attack. I couldn't resist the manic absurdity of this pop culture fever dream, myself, and I think this last, extended clip will bring you over to my point of view...

Check out some previous "Weirdies" below...

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by CyleMoore (160 posts) See mini bio

Wow, that is weird.

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by TearsInRain (508 posts) See mini bio

Gozu is the weirdest film I have ever seen and this does not top it.

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by CashBailey (1,574 posts) See mini bio

This is still far better than the Van Damme piece of crap. If only for the sight of Chingmy Yau in the Chun Li outfit.

Mmmmm....

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by AlKusanagi (156 posts) See mini bio

I remember this classic. Starring Broom Man. Special guest star: A beach ball with an orange stripe painted on it as Blanka.

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by ICYHOT (67 posts) See mini bio

Outstanding.

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by Mumrik (20 posts) See mini bio

Shit, that's Andy Lau as what IMDB claims is "Ti Man / Balrog LaCerda"

Edited 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by eshchan (306 posts) See mini bio

There are some heavy hitters in this movies Andrew Lau (infernal affairs, Chungking Express) was the Cinematographer and the fight Choreographer was Siu-Tung Ching (house of flying dagger). To say that it is the same as Epic Movie level is a tiny little dis-ervice of the movie.

Here another take on the movie:

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by vinsanityv22 (375 posts) See mini bio

lol - oh my god! The Chinese ARE CLEARLY BRILLIANT! I, for one, welcome our future Chinese overlords if they're going to give us entertainment of this quality!

I especially like the battle in the 7-11 looking place. I mean, for one thing, everything exploded - that's a good action scene right there. Secondly, it had nice commentary on noobs who constantly spam the one special attack they know - those gamers who are "all fireballs", y'know? That's deep thinking, right there. These guys are genius. And this movie is amazing. I need to hunt this down.

Excellent Welcome to Weird this week, Pinchuk. Thanks for this one!

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by GiveUpNed (200 posts) See mini bio

If you want to get this film, it's better known as "Super School Overlord"

Edited 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by steelknight2000 (102 posts) See mini bio

E. Honda was renamed Toyota? HA!

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by Undeadpool (713 posts) See mini bio

This is like if that Street Fighter segment of City Hunter was made into a whole movie...EXACTLY like that!

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by No_name_here (105 posts) See mini bio
Staff

@Undeadpool said:

This is like if that Street Fighter segment of City Hunter was made into a whole movie...EXACTLY like that!

Wong Jing actually directed that, too, and released it two weeks later. I suppose you could say he was on a STREET FIGHTER kick.

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by vinsanityv22 (375 posts) See mini bio

One of these days, you'll need to do a Welcome to Weird for House, Mr. Pinchuk:) This was AMAZING though!

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
Post by PatVB (3,546 posts) See mini bio
Moderator

Oh man, this movie sounds amazing.

Posted 1 year, 8 months ago
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