I really loathe reality TV, which is why I rarely discuss it in these lists, but in case you want to hate yourself, feel free to check out two-hour episode of The Bachelor and The Voice tonight. I guess The Bachelor is the penultimate episode, as it's some kind of reunion thing where all the cast-off girls, who will clearly never succeed at anything since they failed to win the love of a winemaker, come back to talk about the show. The Voice, on the other hand, guest-stars the following people: Jewel, Lionel Richie, Alanis Morissette, Robin Thicke, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Ne-Yo, Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert. Apparently they were negotiating with the estate of Michael Jackson to feature his desiccated corpse, but negotiations feel through.
Between those two shows and two hours of Alcatraz, we're in the weird spot of having three networks showing two-hour episodes of shows at the same time on the same night. CBS is exclusively reruns for the evening, from HIMYM to Hawaii Five-0.
Also on Bravo is the series premiere of something called Love Broker, but goddamn if I'm going to talk about that.
A&E 9 PM: "A woman learns of her mother's secret life as a hoarder; a couple's home contains 500,000 books." Luckily for the hoarders, they've decided to get with the times and simply keep everything on a set of three Kindles. Followed by Intervention at 10.
Fox 8 PM: "The facility's most violent brothers, Herman and Pinky Ames, find something amiss when they return to present-day Alcatraz; a man who became incredibly violent during his time in the prison returns." Two episodes airing back to back, so if you're in the mood for some Alcatraz, be prepared to tune in a bit earlier at 8 and stay up until 10.
SyFy 9 PM: "Josh and Julia face their past; Sally is offered a job; Aidan and Suren get rid of Boston's fringe vampires." Those damn fringe vampires, always awkwardly ruining the hems of my outfits. I'll be glad to see them go. Followed by Lost Girl at 10.
NBC 10 PM: "Karen puts her talents to use at a government party; Michael and Julia's drama increases; Eileen joins forces with Tom's assistant; Ivy thinks something is amiss in her relationship with Derek." I'm not even going to pretend like I know anything about what this show is. I've heard it's Glee for adults, and that's what I'm sticking with.