Hey, Monday, how you been? Oh, you've been a crappy day forever? Well, it's about to get worse, because I hate you.
At least TV is relatively new, with most of the network series returning from a week or three off with new episodes. There's bowl games, there's sitcoms, there's fear factor, there's pilling killing their girlfriends with their hoarding problems...hey, Monday? You're pretty great.
This is all part of my plan to give Monday horrible self-esteem problems and eventually give it horrible depression, driving it to retirement. Here's hoping it works!
 | Football While it doesn't look like there's any Monday Night Football on tonight, ESPN has both the 2012 Rose Bowl (Oregon vs. Wisconsin at around 5:15/2:15) and the Fiesta Bowl (Oklahoma State vs. Stanford at around 8:30/5:30 ) tonight. So there's that. |
 | Fear Factor NBC 8 PM: "The teams face stunts that include retrieving flags in a car suspended in the air by helicopters and drinking an insect concoction." Mmm...insect concoction. |
 | Who's Still Standing? NBC 8 PM: I didn't write any What To Watches last week but it looks like this show is still on! People can win a lot of money but probably won't! |
 | The Bachelor ABC 8 PM: I don't know of a single heterosexual male who watches this stuff except for The Sports Guy on ESPN. But I won't judge you if you feel the need to watch two hours of it tonight. |
 | Celebrity Wife Swap ABC 10 PM: I will, however, judge you if you actually choose to sit down and watch Celebrity Wife Swap. I might even hate you a bit. Is Tracey Gold of Growing Pains really a celebrity at this point? That's kind of like calling Joe Namath an NFL quarterback, right? |
 | How I Met Your Mother CBS 8 PM: CBS returns all of their sitcoms to primetime with new episodes of How I Met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls, Two And A Half Men, and Mike & Molly. |
 | Hawaii Five-0 CBS 10 PM: "When a teenager is murdered, the team must determine why she was targeted and if the person responsible was a hired professional." Heck, she was a teenager! I want to murder her, and I don't even know her. |
 | Hoarders A&E 9 PM: "The slovenly state of a man's home may have contributed to his girlfriend's death; a woman's hoard spirals out of control in the decade following her husband's death." Everyone's favorite happy fun time two-hour block of television returns with the season premieres of Hoarders and Intervention at 9 and 10. |
