In theory, tonight is the night that you and the man, woman, love pillow, pornographic MPEG video, or hopefully recently cleaned fleshlight should be spending time together, perhaps having some manner of sexual intercourse to express your love for each other. Sexually. With sex.
That said, I'm well aware that not all of us have a certain special someone/something to cuddle up with/hump tonight, so for those of you out there of the forever alone segment, I present to you tonight's television watching options. I promise only like half of them are super depressing for single people.
8PM - FOX - Jeff Goldblum guest-stars as Rachel's gay dad. Quite literally, this is the first thing in ages that has actually tempted me into watching an episode of Glee. I could not give less of a shit about anything else happening on this series, but Chef Goldblum in a purple v-neck sweater singing showtunes? SIGN ME UP.
9PM - FOX - Jess wants to have a Valentine's Day one night stand! Wacky antics will likely ensue and result in her actually not boning anyone because she realizes she doesn't like casual sex and wants to find someone who cares about her and zzzzzzzzzzz....
8:30PM - ABC - Hey! This show is back! As a mid-season replacement! So, yeah, it's probably not going to last much beyond this season, if at all, but I'm sure Abed is happy it's back at all.
9PM - ABC - I'm told this show is actually pretty good, which actually makes me happy that it's only going for an eight-episode run. Too many episodes means too much stretching out of what could be a tight plot. Got it saved on the TiVo, will watch on a particularly spooky evening.
10PM - FX - Raylan's hot on the trail of Dewey Crowe, which makes me so goddamn happy. There is absolutely nothing better than watching Timothy Olyphant's bemused facial expressions every time Dewey does something stupid.
10PM - TNT - Apparently every episode of this season has had some portion of its plot to the "mysterious past" of Lucy Liu's character. This week is no different. How fucking mysterious is this woman? And why is she so mysterious? Is it because she's Asian? That's racist.
10PM - MTV - Season finale, in which teenage girls with questionable decision-making abilities continue to ruin their lives for our amusement. See you all next season.
|Key & Peele|
10:30PM - Comedy Central - I was a bit lukewarm on the first episode of this, but people keep telling me it's good, so I'll give it one more shot. I don't want people to think I'm racist, after all.