TV

Man, I really wish Jeff Goldblum was my gay dad..

In theory, tonight is the night that you and the man, woman, love pillow, pornographic MPEG video, or hopefully recently cleaned fleshlight should be spending time together, perhaps having some manner of sexual intercourse to express your love for each other. Sexually. With sex.

That said, I'm well aware that not all of us have a certain special someone/something to cuddle up with/hump tonight, so for those of you out there of the forever alone segment, I present to you tonight's television watching options. I promise only like half of them are super depressing for single people.

	Glee 8PM - FOX - Jeff Goldblum guest-stars as Rachel's gay dad. Quite literally, this is the first thing in ages that has actually tempted me into watching an episode of Glee. I could not give less of a shit about anything else happening on this series, but Chef Goldblum in a purple v-neck sweater singing showtunes? SIGN ME UP.
	New Girl 9PM - FOX - Jess wants to have a Valentine's Day one night stand! Wacky antics will likely ensue and result in her actually not boning anyone because she realizes she doesn't like casual sex and wants to find someone who cares about her and zzzzzzzzzzz....
	Cougar Town 8:30PM - ABC - Hey! This show is back! As a mid-season replacement! So, yeah, it's probably not going to last much beyond this season, if at all, but I'm sure Abed is happy it's back at all.
	The River 9PM - ABC - I'm told this show is actually pretty good, which actually makes me happy that it's only going for an eight-episode run. Too many episodes means too much stretching out of what could be a tight plot. Got it saved on the TiVo, will watch on a particularly spooky evening.
	Justified 10PM - FX - Raylan's hot on the trail of Dewey Crowe, which makes me so goddamn happy. There is absolutely nothing better than watching Timothy Olyphant's bemused facial expressions every time Dewey does something stupid.
	Southland 10PM - TNT - Apparently every episode of this season has had some portion of its plot to the "mysterious past" of Lucy Liu's character. This week is no different. How fucking mysterious is this woman? And why is she so mysterious? Is it because she's Asian? That's racist.
	Teen Mom 10PM - MTV - Season finale, in which teenage girls with questionable decision-making abilities continue to ruin their lives for our amusement. See you all next season.
	Key & Peele 10:30PM - Comedy Central - I was a bit lukewarm on the first episode of this, but people keep telling me it's good, so I'll give it one more shot. I don't want people to think I'm racist, after all.

Teen Mom seems fitting.

I'm a bit more on the Anti-Valentine mood, but I'll check out Key and Peele again soon. It's very good.

I'll be doing homework all goddamn night long, weeee!

Wait, weren't they changing the name of Cougar Town to Friends with Beverages? The idea of changing a name of a show in its 3rd season seems kinda crazy, but y'know, Cougar Town is a pretty poor name for that show...

I like how Community has had a bigger impact on Cougar Town than Cougar Town did.

I liked Key & Peele. Those guys came out of nowhere - I have never heard of them, or seen standup (I'm more on top of the Brian Posehn/Patton Oswalt/Sklar Brother/Doug Benson/Paul F. Tompkins generation of comedians), but they're really funny. I'm actually not angered by their ethnic humor; I'm glad they acknowledge that they're the whitest black people you can find. But I'm also glad they don't push it to the extremes that, say, every latino comic pushes their ethnicity to (I'm latino, and I can't understand what the hell the appeal is to George Lopez/Carlos Mencia/Gabriel Iglesias. Yes, that's how it was growing up in a mexican family...where's the joke?).

Their sketches are ...not the best yet, but there's no denying they're charming as shit. The first season of Chapelle Show took awhile to find it's footing with regards to sketches too, so I'm fine with this. It'll likely keep getting better and better. As of right now though, it's no Chappelle's Show (Com Central is desperate to find a new one, huh?), but it's LEAGUES better than Nick Swardson's Shittime, or Dimitri Martin's Important Things or (sigh) the disappointing Jon Benjamin has a van.

Why pair it with Tosh.0 though? Com Central has a slapdash approach to scheduling. Workaholics should've been paired with Always Sunny, for instance.

The Interrupters is on Frontline tonight on PBS.

Key and Peele? No thanks. I hear enough people making excuses for the president. Sad too, because they are funny comedians.

Ah, Jeff Goldblum. I miss him.

Chef Goldblum haha I get it because I just saw Tim and Eric Billion Dollar Movie!

I really should catch up on Southland, it's right up there with The Wire.

Every show needs more Goldbluming.

Glee actually sounds interesting but I think I'll be watching NCIS: LA tonight.

I'll cuddle with you Alex. No humping though. I have boundaries.

@PatVB said:

Crap, I might actually have to watch Glee.

My thoughts exactly.

Just me and the Mass Effect 3 demo tonight!

. . .

Shut up.

This might be the most pornographic of Alex's rundowns...I know I'm positively turgid! Anyone else? Anyone? Else?...Me either! I was just...I have to go now.