Want to watch seven minutes about NBC's new "Glee for adults," otherwise known as Smash? Well, now you can! You probably don't, though. Either way, the show premieres tonight at 10, and appears to have a storyline with a young upstart singer taking the role of an established diva. I liked it better when that was the plot of every musical film ever.
Anyway, as it's Sweeps month, pretty much everything is brand new tonight. I neglected to put The Voice or The Bachelor on the list below, because fuck those shows, but I did honestly forget pretty much everything from CBS, which has new episodes of How I Met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls, Two and a Half Men, Mike & Molly, and Hawaii Five-0. There's also a new episode of Castle on ABC. I apologize for the error and am pretty sure it'll happen again. Probably rather often.
NBC 10 PM: SERIES PREMIERE "Successful writers Julia and Tom team up with producer Eileen to create a Broadway musical based on the life of Marilyn Monroe; Ivy, a seasoned chorus singer, competes with a new actress, Karen, for the starring role." Does the plucky upstart win? Gosh, I wonder.
A&E 9 PM: "A woman who lives in a million-dollar neighborhood sifts through trash bins; authorities warn a couple that they must clean their cobweb-infested, filthy home." Hell, I sift through trash bins all the time! Someday I'll impress that barista with all my knowledge of her personal life.
FOX 8 PM: "Dr. Walter Cofield (Jeffrey Wright), Foreman's former mentor, places House and the team under review after a violent incident involving a patient." Jeffrey Wright is one of those guys that I just kinda like, without really knowing why. That's all I have to say about that.
FOX 9 PM: "An Alcatraz guard, Guy Hastings, reappears and runs into an old acquaintance." So now the guards are coming back? Are they going to be crazy and evil too? If not, how do you prevent them from running to the press and talking about how they time travelled?
A&E 10 PM: "A neglected child becomes a troubled adult; a rapper would rather do drugs than drop rhymes." That last line sounds like something a particularly unhip voice-over announcer would say in a 70's commercial about not doing drugs, probably following it up with something like "Do YOU want to wind up like Pantee Drops?"
SyFy 9 PM: "Aidan tries not to go back to his old lifestyle; Josh meets a brother and sister werewolf; Sally connects with an old friend." Followed by a new episode of Lost Girl at 10.