You've essentially got two choices for television watching tonight: competition reality shows, or the dregs of suburbia as depicted by sitcom writers of varying degrees of talent. Failing any interest in those two things, this might be a good night to put on a Netflix movie, or perhaps work on conceiving that child you've been talking about making. Seriously, this is pretty much all you've got if you're not a crime procedural fan. I suppose if you are, there are options there too, but I'm not going to be talking about many of those. You don't need me to tell you about CSI. You know it's there.
|The X Factor|
8PM - FOX - The auditions continue, and presumably more mediocre talents will be mocked. The only thing I like about this show is how it's made me realize how much L.A. Reid looks like RuPaul without her makeup. Seriously, look it up.
8:30PM - ABC - Series Premiere. Here's a hilarious premise for a show: a dad (Jeremy Sisto) finds a box of condoms in his 16-year-old daughter's room, and whisks her away from the city to the doldrums of the suburbs. Literally, he's so afraid of his daughter having sex, HE MOVES HER TO WHERE SUPPOSEDLY LESS SEX IS HAPPENING. I give this show three weeks.
9PM - ABC - Phil decides to take up tight rope walking for some reason, and Jay bonds with a new dog. I know what Rorie's watching tonight!
9:30PM - ABC - Season Premiere. Hey, remember this mid-season replacement show? Apparently people liked it, and now it is back. Hooray?
|Up All Night|
|Law & Order: Special Victims Unit|
10PM - NBC - A basketball player admits to being molested by his coach. That basketball player is not played by Chris Bosh nor Carmelo Anthony, however they are both guest-starring anyway. Good to see these guys are keeping busy, what with no NBA season happening.
8PM - CW - Kim Kardashian confronts one of her haters. Only six billion left to go!
|America's Next Top Model|
9PM - CW - Just in case one hour of Mario Lopez wasn't enough, he also guest-stars on tonight's ANTM. AC Slater for life!
|The Real World|
10PM - MTV - Season Premiere. Season 26 brings seven sexy 20-somethings back to San Diego, because honestly, who even gives a shit where these things take place anymore?
|The Ultimate Fighter|
10PM - Spike TV - Teams are chosen, then dudes fight. Into it.