Finales, premieres, and a few other pieces of event-ish television mark this weekend's watching schedule. ABC's got Good Christian Bitches coming in to maybe sorta hopefully fill the great, yawning, vaginal cavern left by Desperate Housewives' eventual disappearance, while it also says goodbye (maybe forever) to A Gifted Man, which I keep forgetting is even a show.
Elsewhere? More Walking Dead, more Eastbound and Down, and I continue to wish this season of Celebrity Apprentice were more insane than it actually is. Here's the full list.
 | A Gifted Man Friday at 9PM - CBS - Season finale. I sort of hope series finale too, though supposedly this show is doing okay, what with it appearing on Friday nights in that perfect timeslot for sedentary old people to be watching. My guess is it'll be around for five more seasons until they eventually spin it off into another series where the ghost wife gets her own medical practice or something. Because that's how TV works. |
 | Portlandia Friday at 10PM - IFC - Kyle MacLachlan is back again as the Portland mayor. To be honest, this season hasn't been all that great, but MacLachlan is never anything short of excellent, so I have hope. |
 | Spartacus: Vengeance Friday at 10PM - Starz - AAAARRRGGGHHHH ANGRY GREASY MEN AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH. |
 | Q'Viva! The Chosen Saturday at 8PM - FOX - So unbeknownst to me, Jennifer Yopez and Marc Anthony have a new reality show that is basically Latin America's Got Talent. And yet I've seen exactly zero promotion for it anywhere? And it's debuting in the dead zone that is Saturday night television? I'll be amazed if this makes it to its finale. |
 | The Simpsons Sunday at 8PM - FOX - Bart becomes a graffiti artist, and Shepard Fairey and Ron English show up to turn him into a street artist. Because I guess Exit Through the Gift Shop was pretty relevant two years ago, right? |
 | Napoleon Dynamite Sunday at 8:30PM - FOX - Season finale, in which I and everyone else celebrate as cause to pretend this show never existed. |
 | The Walking Dead Sunday at 9PM - AMC - Oh goddammit, there's going to be a bunch of Dale in this episode, it sounds like. It's a shame how he's gone from one of my favorite characters to basically insufferable over the course of this season. Fortunately, it sounds like there's some Carl stuff going on, and some forward progress on the whole Shane/Rick thing. Now if they could just kill off Lori... |
 | Celebrity Apprentice Sunday at 9PM - NBC - Considering the general quality of this batshit crazy cast, I'm surprised how uninteresting this season's been so far. I guess once you have Gary Busey on your show, it's all pretty much downhill from there. |
 | GCB Sunday at 10PM - ABC - I'm attributing half my interest in this show to my unnatural love of Annie Potts, and the other half to my desire to watch catty Christian bitches be catty and awful. We'll see if I make it past the first episode. |
 | Breakout Kings Sunday at 10PM - A&E - So are we just granting second seasons to every bullshit show that's come out in the last year or so? Because that's what this looks like. |
 | Eastbound & Down Sunday at 10PM - HBO - Kenny gets a visit from a baseball scout (Matthew McConaughey) who needs him to look after a Russian pitching prospect. Russian? Since when do Russians play baseball? |
 | Life's Too Short Sunday at 10:30PM - HBO - Warwick gets his own website, and begins tumbling down the rabbit hole of constantly replying to unpleasant commenters on his blog. I've been there. I know how this ends. And it's not well... |
