It's been a very, VERY long time since a weekend What to Watch has been posted without including at least one episode of one AMC show, but here we are. With Hell on Wheels off the air, and The Walking Dead not quite ready to return, there is no new original programming from the AMC network this Sunday. Instead, the network is running the TV premiere of Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven. However, I don't think it's the vastly superior Director's Cut version, so maybe skip out on that.
Instead, perhaps you can build your weekend around the soothing sci-fi sounds of Fringe, or perhaps the gentle, wispy tones of Oprah Winfrey's new talk show. Or you can just skip all of that and go straight to Fleet Foxes and Joanna Newsom on Austin City Limits this Saturday. Seriously, nothing will mellow you out like the smooth, inoffensive sounds of hipsters with beards playing folk music.
Don't worry. There are a few less relaxing options on the docket this weekend, too. Let's see what they are!
 | Shark Tank Friday at 8PM - ABC - Season premiere, in which Mark Cuban hears a pitch for a new design of water bottle created by Bill goddamned Walton. No, seriously, Bill Walton is making water bottles now. Good for him keeping busy. |
 | Fringe Friday at 9PM - FOX - Big time happenings going down in the alternate universe this weekend. I am assuming Walternate will somehow be involved. I just like saying Walternate. WALTERNATE. |
 | Portlandia Friday at 10PM - IFC - Book signings and unconventional weddings are the order of the day on tonight's episode. My girlfriend continues to watch this with me, and yet she never laughs. Even once. I think something might be wrong with her. |
 | Snow Beast Saturday at 9PM - SyFy - Goddammit SyFy. Just when I think your original movies can't get any stupider. Please never change. |
 | Austin City Limits Saturday at 9PM - PBS - As said above, Fleet Foxes and Joanna Newsom are tonight's performers. I don't know when the Austin City Limits people decided that indie rock and only indie rock was the answer, but I really don't mind. |
 | Prime Suspect Sunday at 9PM - NBC - Oh, hey! This show! It's back! With two new episodes! I guess NBC is going to make sure it airs whatever stock it has before it finally cancels it. Too bad, it's not a bad show, really. |
 | Oprah Winfrey Sunday at 9PM - OWN - Yep, this is happening. Oprah has returned to television, and is interviewing George Lucas, Cuba Gooding Jr, and Terrence Howard at 9. Then at 10, she's interviewing Morgan Freeman! Oprah's back, ya'll!
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 | Shameless Sunday at 9PM - Showtime - I guess this premiered a couple of weeks ago, but I sorta missed it. I shouldn't have, considering the NYC subways are absolutely PLASTERED with ads for this thing. I'm always tempted, and then I remember I don't have Showtime, so nevermind. |
 | House of Lies Sunday at 10PM - Showtime - Nobody is really talking about this show, which stars Don Cheadle. If a show with Don Cheadle isn't worth starting a conversation over, then it's probably not a very good show. |
 | Mary Shelley's Frankenhole 12:15AM - Cartoon Network - I'm sure somebody is excited about this season premiere. I am not that person, but I'm sure that person is out there. |
