Dr. Seuss apparently wrote The Lorax when he became disgusted at the excesses of conspicuous consumption where he lived. So, of course, to celebrate the release of The Lorax, there are more than 70 licensed products you can buy with the little monster's face on it. Yeah, they're mostly environmentally-safe cleaning products and crap like that, but c'mon, now. SUVs?
That makes me almost want to go see Project X instead, although I've heard that the children who star in it are thoroughly horrible. Nothing I like more than loathsome children!
|1. Dr. Seuss' The Lorax|
Apparently The Lorax is totally cool with selling you SUVs! Man, it's a new Dr. Seuss for the 21st Century. He's much less of a bitch about that whole "don't destroy the Earth" thing.
|2. Project X|
I feel much better about this movie now that I know there'll be bare breasts in it. Breasts make pretty much everything better. Bet you wish you had thrown some boobs in there, huh Mr. director of The Lorax?
|3. Being Flynn|
This mellow-looking indie film apparently took something like a decade to actually get made thanks to various issues. Now that it's finally arrived, it'll burn up the box office as it debuts on four screens.
Hey, on the poster, it's Whitney Houston! Oh, wait, that's just some kid from New Zealand.
|5. Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie|
T&E's mildly controversial movie arrives in theaters a month or so after it hit On Demand.
|6. The Snowtown Murders|
This apparently intense Australian movie details the lives of some of its most notorious serial killers. Double feature with The Lorax, maybe?
|7. The Assault|
A dramatized re-telling of the assault on an Air France jet that had been hijacked by four members of an Islamic terrorist cell. A limited release, alas.
|8. Black Butterflies|
All I know is that this is probably a better movie than 2010's Black Butterfly. I mean, why would you only want one butterfly when you could have a lot of them?
|9. This Is Not a Film|
This is the famous movie that was smuggled out of Iran on a USB stick that was hidden inside of a cake. Its star, Jafar Panahi, is a famous Iranian filmmaker who's been censored and sentenced to house arrest. I'm assuming that this secretly-made film isn't going to endear him to the Iranian authorities.
|10. Last Days Here|
"Cult rock legend Bobby Liebling has been churning out genre-defining hard rock for over 36 years as the lead singer of the band Pentagram. Various acts of self-destruction, multiple band break-ups, and botched record deals have condemned his music to obscurity. Frozen for decades in his parents' basement, Bobby is finally discovered by the heavy metal underground. With the help of Sean 'Pellet' Pelletier, his friend and manager, Bobby struggles to overcome his demons."
|11. The Salt of Life|
"In The Salt of Life, Gianni (Gianni Di Gregorio) plays a middle-aged retiree who has become invisible to all distaff Romans, regardless of age or relation. He contends with an aristocratic, spendthrift mother (Valeria de Franciscis); a wife who is more patronizing friend than romantic partner; a daughter (played by Di Gregorio's daughter Teresa) with a slacker boyfriend whom Gianni unwillingly befriends; and a wild young neighbor who sees him merely as her dog walker. Watching his "codger" friends snare beautiful younger women on the sun-kissed cobblestones of Trastevere, Gianni tries his polite, utterly gracious best to generate some kind of extracurricular love life-with both hilarious and poignant results. "