Welcome back to The Month In Movies UK! This is the feature where I run down the month’s releases and realise the fruitlessness of my endeavour because the last Harry Potter movie is coming out so nothing else really matters. Per usual, I’m selecting movies based on the Coming Soon section of IMDb.
So now summer is in full swing with big movies tripping over
themselves to take your hard earned money.
Or, at least, they would if they weren’t all coming out after the last Harry Potter movie. Seriously, every big film is coming out
in the weeks after Harry’s big send off!
The first 15 days of this month are basically a deserted wasteland. But if you live near an indie cinema, you’ll
have at least something to tide you over until the 7 big films hit cinemas at the end of the month. Let’s dig in, then.
Note: This is not a list of films that I will be reviewing. It is not a complete list of films coming out this month. The opinions expressed within this list are based on information and trailers for the films coming out this month. I have not seen any of these films (and probably won’t see a lot of them). All release dates subject to change.
The Month In Movies UK: July 2011
The Conspirator (1st July)
Director: Robert Redford
Starring: James McAvoy, Robin Wright, Justin Long
I actually have no opinion about this. I was looking this up on Wikipedia before deciding to see what else Robert Redford had done, because research makes me a better film critic! I got distracted looking up Quiz Show and the 1950’s quiz show scandals it was based on. That sounds like a movie I gotta see! Besides, no-one will see this film about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln anyway. It’s about an American! And we Brits hate Americans! Also, Transformers is out, gorram it! I’d rather go see that! That looks exciting! (weeps at humanity’s total hypocrisy)
Larry Crowne (1st July)
Director: Tom Hanks
Starring: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts
Yeah, no. But cut Tom Hanks some slack, hey? Dude’s 55 in 5 days and he’s starred in more than enough great landmark movies that he can afford to kick back and make an inoffensive rom-com for people who permanently watch the Lifetime Channel. We have far more pressing questions. Like, what in sweet holy hell is Cedric The Entertainer doing in this movie!?
The Tree Of Life (8th July)
Director: Terrence Malick
Starring: Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Jessica Chastain
So here comes the big question in regards to this movie: Is it going to get a wide release? Currently we are $10 million away from breaking even and that’s looking increasingly unlikely by the day. There’s only one other film coming out that week that could take a wide release (I’ll get to that in a minute), but it’s definitely not going to be marketable to the mainstream. I mean, who wants to see a mediation on life and religious deities when you can go and watch Transformers for the 75th bazillionth time? /sarcasm.
One For The Money (8th July)
Director: Julie Ann Robinson
Starring: Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara, Sherri Shepherd
It’s astonishing how little I know about the pre-Potter movies coming out this month. This is based on the 1994 bestselling novel of the same name and it stars Katherine Heigl of all people in the lead role. We can all agree that woman hasn’t starred in anything decent since Knocked Up, right? Apparently, it’s been out in America since last month. So, Americans, what did y’all think of it? I’m curious.
Super (8th July)
Director: James Gunn
Starring: Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, NATHAN FILLION (dies with joy)!!!!
Finally! A movie I both a] know about and b] want to see! Putting aside the Nathan Fillion alarm for a second (it’s a minor role, sadly), this film still looks great. It’s directed by James Gunn, the man behind the criminally underrated Slither (side note: Go watch Slither!), PG Porn and the man who has spent his entire career trying to make up for the fact that he was involved in both Scooby Doo films. It’s got a great cast with Rainn Wilson and Ellen Page along with Liv Tyler and the always excellent Kevin Bacon. And it looks very offbeat and off-kilter, which I’m a fan of. It’s a shame that its 18 certificate (meaning I can’t see it) dooms it to limited release and disappointing box office returns. I’m sad now.
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part II (15th July)
Director: David Yates
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson
I was about to make some really lame joke about this film, but it was so terrible and clichéd that I decided against it. Anywho, I still believe that this film will waltz past the $1 billion mark with grace and ease, laughing at anyone who believed otherwise. I’m also going to take this opportunity to make another, actually bold prediction; less than 40% of this film’s earnings will come from 3D showings. Every single person I’ve talked to about this film has stated their utmost refusal to see this in 3D, so maybe that’s a sign. I’ll be waiting until next month to see it. Hopefully by then the hype’ll have died done and I’ll be able to watch the film without someone nudging me every five seconds to inform me that a character they loved has died horrifically.
Hobo With A Shotgun (15th July)
Director: Jason Eisener
Starring: Rutger Hauer, Brian Downey, Gregory Smith
Damn, this is going to get f*cking buried! I mean; it’s a grindhouse homage that’s ultra violent, so it was guaranteed an 18 certificate and a limited release anyway. But that it’s out the same day as Harry Potter and has Cars 2 and Captain America in the 2 weeks after? Christ, it’s like the studio wants this to fail! Shame, seeing as it looks right up my street.
Cars 2 (22nd July)
Directors: John Lasseter, Brad Lewis
Starring: Owen Wilson, Larry The Cable Guy, Michael Caine (voices)
A reminder why we’re getting a Cars sequel first instead of a Monster’s Inc. sequel or anything new: Over $1 billion in merchandising. To be fair, it is Pixar’s first real cash grab and if it allows them to make lots of original content like the upcoming Brave (which the teaser has me massively excited for) then I’m fine with it. Hopefully it isn’t as bad as people are saying. Again, I actually liked Cars. Was it as good as other Pixar movies? No. Was it as bad as anything any other hack animation company has made? Hell no. Do I think people are overreacting to Cars 2 because of its mere idea and not due to its actual quality? I sure as hell hope they are.
Horrible Bosses (22nd July)
Director: Seth Gordon
Starring: Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis
I’ve been keeping an eye on this one and it actually doesn’t look too bad. The premise is original and quirky, the cast list is almost impeccable (I never get tired of seeing Jason Bateman and Kevin Spacey in movies, specifically) and, best of all, it looks properly funny! I’m all over this movie and I have high hopes that it won’t squander its golden premise with either lame jokes or revealing its best jokes in the trailer.
Beginners (22nd July)
Director: Mike Mills
Starring: Ewen McGregor, Christopher Plummer, Mélanie Laurent
It’d be remiss of me not to include this critically well received comedy drama. Why? Partially because it seems genuinely sweet and heart-warming (and not in a sappy way either). Mainly because I’m a fan of those involved. Especially Ewen McGregor. He’s ace!
Captain America: The First Avenger (29th July)
Director: Joe Johnston
Starring: Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving
After that last trailer I am full of confidence that this Will. Not. Suck! There’s a cast to die for, I have faith that Joe Johnston will pull it off and it looks like a lot of fun. Plus, this is the last Marvel movie before The Avengers next year and this needs to finish setting everything in place and getting us all even more pumped for it. And, oh yes, it’s my most anticipated movie of the month! Of the summer? Oh, no. That honour goes to one of August’s big British comedy releases... But that’s another story for next month.
Zookeeper (29th July)
Director: Frank Coraci
Starring: People Who Really Should Know Better
Oh. Good. Christ. This month can’t possibly get any worse...
Horrid Henry: The Movie 3D (29th July)
Director: Nick Moore
Starring: Theo Stevenson, Siobhan Hayes, Matthew Horne
I spoke too soon. Hey, Americans! You think you got it bad with Judy Moody And The Not Bummer Summer? You ain’t got sh*t! I’m terrified for Captain America. This is going to demolish it come opening weekend! Come to think of it, nobody’s safe! This is going to shatter box office records! It’s going to decimate the competition! Even Harry Potter will have to submit to the unstoppable behemoth that is Horrid Henry: The Movie in 3D! All joking aside, if this actually places higher the Potter when it debuts, I am seriously going on a f*cking kill-crazy rampage.
That, thank sweet merciful lord, is July in movies! It’s seriously better than I’ve made it out to be, but what are you most excited for? The Cap’? The Boy Who Lived? The Retarded Tow Truck? The Zookeeper? The Henry Who Is Horrid? If you answered that with any of the last two, you are the reason I hate humanity. Let me know what you’re planning to see in the comments below and if I’ve missed anything off. For more UK movie talk, why not follow me?
jackanderson’s talent only goes as far as to annoy.
