I had a dream two weeks ago that I ate a lamb burger. The next day I got a lamb burger for lunch. I was craving it. I also got some chips and a Coke. That was a good day.
That Lamb burger was good, but I wouldn't rush back for one. The one I ate in my dream was by far better. I was left unsatisfied and still weighed down by my craving. Why the craving? Why the random Lamb Burger dream? I'm pretty certain the Greek lady who runs my local Chickens Plus doesn't have the ability to get inside my dreams and make me think of lamb burgers. So who did?
How convenient that the very next day I was to visit a nearby microbrewery. And how convenient that I should be there at lunch time. And how convenient that they'd have a lamb burger on their menu. It. Was. Delicious! I even ate the side salad. It was extremely satisfying but somehow it all felt a little to... convenient. My suspicions that my subconscious had been tampered with peaked when, through a huge window in the next room I noticed two massive steel drums surrounded by a maze of pipes. "Part of the brewing process" I was told. A likely front. It was clear the only thing that was 'brewing' in that room were dreams.
I knew this particular microbrewery was in for a busy afternoon. It was Independence Day in the US and coupled with the regular Sunday afternoon drinking session so religiously played out by the locals, I bided my time until I could slip undetected through a staff only door into the 'brewery'. I quietly inspected the machinery. I didn't know what I was looking for but it looked exactly like what I would expect machines used to get into peoples dreams would look like.
Somehow I was spotted by a staff member through the huge glass window. Trapped in the maze of piping I had to stand and fight.
After weightless tussle with the staff member, or 'Dream Brewer', we ended up in a hallway similar to one that might be found in a fancy hotel. The colour tones on the walls were suspiciously similar to lamb. I managed to tie the Dream Brewer to a chair and gain some information. They weren't brewing dreams at all. They were brewing advertisements.
I had stumbled upon the future of marketing. A team of impeccably dressed 'Dream brewers' plant advertisements in the subconscious of the public through various highly evolved means such as cloud shapes, whispers in the wind or magic eye wallpaper or carpet and the product would then appear in dreams.
I knew the secrets of the advertising industry and I had the power to bring the whole thing tumbling down. All I had to do was take some photos of the brewing equipment and that sign on the wall that said:
"CAUTION: Subconscious advertisements brewing. Please wear hard hat at all times".
DAMN IT! I had just sold my iPhone 3G to some chump for $300 and was using my old Nokia 3210 until my iphone 4 arrived. No camera.
While pondering my options it occurred to me that I could use this situation to my advantage. I struck a deal with the advertising execs who luckily had their offices above the brewery. For my silence I was to no longer have dream brewers plant ads in my dreams, but instead I chose to only dream of this ad:
Already I regret my decision. That ad is so awkward. Hence I now speak out! A warning to you all - Do not look at the sky, the floor, the walls or go outside into the wind.
