I doubt anyone who follows along with these sorts of things didn't expect The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 to make a metric ton of money this weekend. Well, guess what? The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 made a metric ton of money this weekend. Specifically, it made $139.5 million domestically, coming within inches of the franchise's record, but ultimately not quite hitting New Moon's total of $142.7 million. Worldwide, the total skyrocketed to $283.5 million, proving that it's not just American women who have somehow abandoned all reason and intelligence for the sake of cooing and moistening themselves over Stephanie Meyer's abstinence porn franchise. The rest of the world is just as dumb as we are.
Though on any other weekend it probably would have been considered a reasonable success, Happy Feet Two was nonetheless second banana all the way, with $22 million in ticket sales. However, one more big success story did fall out of this weekend's butt; namely, Alexander Payne's The Descendants, which opened on just 29 screens nationwide, managed a staggering $1.3 million. That breaks out to a $42,100 per-screen average, which is even higher than Breaking Dawn managed. Yes, don't worry, we'll most certainly be reviewing that one this week. We wouldn't dare go on having reviewed frigging Twilight, and not this movie. It'd be unsavory.
While it's completely anticlimactic to even mention it, I feel I do have to at least acknowledge that The Lie, which I reviewed, came out on one screen this weekend. It made $3,000. It just seems mean to even bring it up after talking about The Descendants, doesn't it? Oh well.
And now, like a life-draining half vampire fetus, a top ten list shall burst forth from the stomach of this news story, and like sad sack Jacob, you, the audience, shall imprint upon it.
 | 1. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 $139.5 million / NEW |
 | 2. Happy Feet Two $22 million / NEW |
 | 3. Immortals $12.3 million / $53 million |
 | 4. Jack & Jill $12 million / $41 million |
 | 5. Puss in Boots $10.7 million / $122.3 million |
 | 6. Tower Heist $7 million / $53.4 million |
 | 7. J. Edgar $5.9 million / $20.7 million |
 | 8. A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas $2.9 million / $28.3 million |
 | 9. In Time $1.7 million / $33.4 million |
 | 10. The Descendants $1.3 million / NEW |
Dropped Out: Footloose; Paranormal Activity 3; Real Steel
Source: Box Office Mojo
Nothing quite like going to your local mouth herpes theater. Last movie I saw at one of those was Iron Man 2.
Explain sir!
Really want to check out The Descendants when it comes out on dvd.
I think I played bass for Abstinence Porn Franchise in college...
I found out that one of the credited screenwriters for The Descendants is Jim Rash, who plays Dean Pelton on Community. How about that!
yay twilight.
Looks like Norm won't be shaving his head :(
hehe... boink.
As much as I hate how well Twilight did, I am counting something as a victory, which is that the Descendants actually made more money per theater than Twilight did. We Team Smart People might not be as numerous as Team Jacob, but we can at least throw around more money.
I'll have to be honest, I bursted out laughing in real-life the first time I saw the title. XD
Twilight made nearly twice as much as the following 9 movies combined. Yeah, now that's what I call "girl power".
Hopefully Alex, Happy Feet 2 will drop out of the Top 10 but quick. There seems to be quite a lot of apathy for it, considering that's only about half what the first stupid film made on opening weekend. When faced with Puss in Boots, Arthur Christmas and the Muppets, it should get crushed. Hopefully.
all of these movies are terrible. except for descendants, which i havent seen but expect to be pleased by.
Best headline ever. No contest.
@PenguinDust said:
It is indeed a problem of great magnitude: If all the females interested in Twilight were to somehow band together... Their power would be monstrous... It's inevitable, the CoD Dude-Bros and the Twilightians will one day fight for global supremacy and all able-minded civilization as we know it will be either assimilated or eviscerated.
I played a gig at a place called Mouth Herpes Theater once. Word of advice: don't go to Mouth Herpes Theater.
I didn't like Sideways either, but that's because it was a predictable road trip movie and I had no affection to wine-tasting. About Schmidt is still great, shows Jack Nicholson still has it in him.
@Alex: Imagine that computer baby staring at you in 3D. Now try and sleep tonight.
@vinsanityv22:
Why do you want Happy Feet 2 to fail? It's better than Twilight.
Anyway you made that stupid film that everyone liked.