Charlie Sheen's War Of Words Ends Production On Two And A Half Men

Man, to be a fly on the wall of Charlie Sheen's house. The gossip about his personal life is insane to begin with, with his no doubt soon-to-be ex-wife Brooke Mueller moving back into their house recently, despite the fact that a porn star and his "girlfriend" are apparently also in residence, and then the four of them heading off to a vacation in the Bahamas. Brooke apparently changed her mind shortly thereafter, returning to the states, with Charlie stating: "W here there were 4 there are now 3. Goodbye Brooke. Good luck in your travels, you're going to need it. Badly."
 
But that's basically a scene from Catholic school compared to his professional life. Again, Sheen is the highest-paid man on television, earning around $2 million per episode of Two And A Half Men. He's about to be $8 million poorer, though, as CBS today announced that they've ceased production on the remaining four episodes of the season after Sheen issued sometimes violent threats against the show's producer/creator, Chuck Lorre, after already cutting the season down a few episodes to give Sheen time to hit up rehab for his myriad drug and alcohol problems.  
 
The problems stem from a vanity card that Lorre inserted at the end of a recent episode of Two And A Half Men, in which he listed all of the things he does to stay healthy, and concluded with the line "If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed." A bit of dire humor, perhaps, but humorous nonetheless; most any man who's getting paid as much money as Sheen should be able to roll off a mild jibe like that. Sheen's not just any man, however.  
 
Despite the vanity card appearing ten days ago, and Sheen being in the Bahamas, apparently today was the day for his brain to kick in and decide to lash out. I...can't even really begin to sum up the lunacy that Sheen's been spouting today, so I'll let most of it speak for itself.   
 
He started off his eventful day by going on the air with FEMA Camp / New World Order conspiracy nut Alex Jones, with TMZ culling some of the best bits:   
 

• On Alcoholics Anonymous, Sheen says it's a "bootleg cult" with a success rate of only 5%, while his is 100% and added, "Newsflash...I am special and I will never be one of you."    
• On his drug and alcohol issues, "I have a disease? Bulls**t! I cured it ... with my mind."    

 
Reportedly, there are also bits about F-18 fighter pilots and Vatican assassins in there; you can hear the whole interview via the link above.

 He went on to talk to TMZ:  

"I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre).  He's a stupid, stupid little man and a p**sy punk that I'd never want to be like. That's me being polite.  All these guys told me to 'clean it up.' Well this is me cleaning it the f**k up.  All I want is to bring my family together, and I have to deal with all this B.S. politics.  That piece of s**t [Lorre] took money out of my pocket, my family's pocket, and, most importantly, my second family -- my crew's pocket.  You can tell him [Lorre] one thing.  I own him." 

He follows that up with an open letter:  

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

 
Remember these are my people...not yours...we will continue on together...

All of which led CBS and Warner Bros. to issue the following statement.  

"Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros TV have decided to discontinue production ofTwo and a Half Men for the remainder of the season."    

In response to which Sheen tells Radar Online that he'll accept their challenge of a drug test on Monday, and that he plans to start an HBO show soon:

I'm close to securing a deal with HBO for a 10 show guarantee. It will be epic, all types of guests and we will focus on the truth and the absurd!

To which this writer can only say: holy shit, this guy is fucking nuts. I can't say that I pay too much to Sheen when he's sober, but this all sounds like the peculiar grandiloquence of someone who is very, very high. Color me shocked if he actually does manage to pass any kind of independently administered drug test without some kind of Visine bottle of a baby's urine hidden in his armpit or something.  
 
CBS has only stopped production on Two And A Half Men for the rest of the season, but obviously all of this might make it difficult to bring the show back at all, unless Sheen somehow manages to get a hold of himself and apologize to everyone he's effectively putting out of work. (And I don't think anyone in their right mind is going to blame CBS or Lorre for this kind of work stoppage.)