Everything Sucked This Weekend, and Other Box Office News

$16.5 million / $64.9 million
I pretty much expected this. None of this week's movies looked like they had even the remote chance of unseating this thing, and you know what? Good. The Expendables runs exploding circles around any of the crud that slunk out from the cave of Hollywood's mistakes this week.

$12.2 million / $18.5 million / NEW
If anyone on this site actually paid money to go see this unfunny pile of dogshit, please speak up in the comments. I promise I won't ban your account*.

*Not a valid promise.

$12 million / $47.1 million 
As much of a pisser as it is that Vampires Suck made so much money, it is kind of funny that it beat this movie. You know what real wish-fulfillment is? Seeing Eat, Pray, Love disappear from this list in a hasty, brutal fashion. Will it happen? Probably not, unless Takers or The Last Exorcism prove downright magical next week.

$11.1 million / NEW
Considering the general quality of all these movies opening this weekend, I can't say I really had any idea how this one would do. I guess I'm a little surprised it beat Piranha, but not terribly so. The movie may kind of suck, but it does bode well that Bow Wow and Brandon T. Jackson are apparently pretty good in it. I still find it weird that Ice Cube has basically become the dad from Friday.

$10 million / NEW
Never much expected this one to do gangbusters or anything, but in a weekend this shitty, I did think something agreeably stupid like this movie might do a little better than it did. I mean, seriously, who doesn't love copious amounts of flopping tits and teenagers being horribly eaten alive?

$8.3 million / NEW
I guess we weren't the only ones who fully didn't care about this movie...at least in the US. It's already made a bunch of money overseas. One of those rare cases where every country except us got it first. From the sounds of the reviews floating around out there, I kind of wish the rest of the world had just kept it.

$8.1 million / NEW
Speaking of movies nobody cared about, I guess after the absurd (and kind of disgusting) success of The Bounty Hunter, this one's gotta be a disappointment for Jen-heads the world over. Actually, wait, do those people exist? Or have they existed since, like, the '90s? Come to think of it, have I even liked her in a movie since Office Space? Yikes...

$7.7 million / $261.8 million
A seemingly big, honking drop for Chris Nolan's behemoth, but in truth, it's only about a 32% drop from last week. I honestly think half the movies that opened this weekend will be gone next, and Inception will still be hanging around. Anyone wanna take odds?

$5 million / $20.7 million
Of all the sick fucking tragedies of this weekend, this has to be the sickest. Seriously? More people went to see Nanny McPhee this weekend than Scott Pilgrim? The Switch? VAMPIRES SUCK? That is a goddamned perversion of all that is right in the world. I saw it this week, and I had a blast with it. Goddamn you people. Goddamn you all to hell.