Liam Neeson Punches His Way to Number One, I Am Number Four Refuses to Place Fourth and Give Me An Easy Headline, and Other Box Office News

If ever you doubted the pull of Liam Neeson's brand of unstoppable glower-power, then for the love of god stop it before he comes to your house and beats the shit out of you. Unknown, the batshit crazy thriller (from the guy who directed Orphan, natch) featuring Neeson once again beating up Europe for stealing stuff from him--seriously Europe, leave the dude alone, he's been through enough--took the top spot at the box office over the three-day weekend, raking in $25.6 million in sweet, sweet vengeance money.
 
In a cruel twist of fate that I will never forgive the world for, the teenage alien romantic explosion fest I Am Number Four came in third for the weekend, with $22.6 million. If, like, 100,000 less people had gone to see it, it would have come in fourth, and I would be doing backflips right now because I'd have the best terrible headline ever for this story. Once again, this movie screws me--first out of 100 minutes of my life, and now a prime opportunity for me to be incredibly clever. I wonder if I can retroactively give it zero stars...
 
The weekend's other...erm...big release, Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son, sadly failed to give legitimacy and credibility to the much-maligned Dudes in Fat Lady Suits film genre, coming in fifth with $19 million between Friday and Monday. I didn't get around to reviewing it, on account of I kind of wanted to enjoy the precious 114 minutes of my life this movie would have engulfed, like so many rubbery fat folds over my breathing holes, suffocating me into eternal slumber. Evidently, the world thought better of seeing this, even without my contribution to the critical cabal. Good on you, society.
 
Elsewhere in release land, Cedar Rapids expanded into a little over 100 theaters, and managed a little over $1 million. The only new limited release of the week to do anything of note was The Last Lions, a National Geographic documentary about how we are horrible, awful people for killing endangered lions. I mean, they're totally right. Killing a big, fluffy, mauly cat like a poaching asshole kind of puts you up there in Hitler and Stalin territory in terms of being a sucky human being. I mean, if it's between my life and an endangered lion that's eating my face, I'd let the lion have his snack. Granted, my sense of self-worth is kind of skewed, but I'd rather the lions get a hearty meal and continue to not be extinct than continue on, knowing I killed a big, adorable cat. Anyway, that movie made like $68,000 on four screens.
 
Go ahead and pet the link below with your mouse. I promise it'll just take you to the full list, and won't chomp down on your mouse arrow, like so much delicious antelope meat.   

	1. Unknown $25.6 million / NEW  For comparison's sake, this is right around the same sweet spot movies like Taken and The A-Team did upon their respective openings, meaning we're likely about a step or two away from that Fightin' 'Round the World show from South Park actually happening, but with Neeson replacing Russell Crowe. Actually, I'd totally watch that.
	2. Gnomeo and Juliet $24.8 million / $55.8 million It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong for altogether dismissing a 3D animated comedy built around Shakespearean puns and garden decor humor. I am not a big man.
	3. I Am Number Four $22.6 million / NEW I don't know what this placing does for the evil Twilight factory perpetuated by Michael Bay and James Frey and Maria Nay (actually, she's an innocent set decorator--she just fit the rhyming scheme), but if we're lucky, it means that we won't have to endure the all Number Six movie. Teresa Palmer's cute and all, but yeeeeeeesh...
	4. Just Go With It $21.7 million / $64.3 million I really like Roger Ebert's new review show, but I'm starting to think that Ignatiy Vishnevetsky (try saying that one time fast) dude is slightly out of his mind. Take his recent tweet about this film, in which he described it as a "bizarro world Certified Copy." I know there's an audience for that reference. It isn't the one that would go see Just Go With It.
	5. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son $19 million / NEW Does this mean we'll be spared Big Mommas: Phat Girls Try Harder or whatever other horrible miscarriage of fat-suit-related comedy Martin Lawrence might plan to unleash on us next? No, probably not.
	6. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never $16.5 million / $51.4 million In case you missed it, here is Justin Bieber getting shot to death (on CSI).
	7. The King's Speech $7.9 million / $104.7 million I don't know if this is the least likely $100 million earner of all time, but it's gotta be a member at the club.
	8. The Roommate $4.5 million / $33.1 million Who are the people still trickling into this thing three weeks past its debut? What word of mouth are you hearing that suddenly it sounds like a good idea to see this? Did you just need a heated room to sit in for a couple of hours while the snowstorm hit? Help me understand!
	9. The Eagle $4.3 million / $15.8 million I swear to god, if this was a Nicholas Sparks adaptation, this movie would be making bank. Think about it! A former Roman centurion who discovers Christianity through a kind-hearted servant girl that he has to write maudlin letters to while he's stuck in a war against the Picts he never wanted to fight. Money in the bank, Jerry!
	10. No Strings Attached $3.7 million / $66.6 million Just a reminder: Natalie Portman be cryin'.

 
Dropped Out: The Green Hornet, Sanctum, True Grit
 
Source: Box Office Mojo