Screened News

The Apes Reign Supreme Once Again, White Guilt Comes In a Close Second, and Other Box Office News

Plus, the fate of Jesse Eisenberg and those goddamned Glee kids!

Thank you, kindly black woman, for allowing me to co-opt your plight of suffering for my own personal gain. It's just kind of what us white people do.
Thank you, kindly black woman, for allowing me to co-opt your plight of suffering for my own personal gain. It's just kind of what us white people do.

Considering the wide swath of new options at the theaters this past weekend, it's no surprise that the audience ended up splitting up in all directions, thus allowing Rise of the Planet of the Apes to take the top slot for the second week in a row, with $27.5 million in gross ticket sales. That's a less than 50% drop from last weekend, and put the film up over the $100 million mark. With any luck, this will help director Rupert Wyatt's vision for a sequel of "Full Metal Jacket with apes" come to fruition. Really looking forward to the scene where the monkey Vietnamese prostitute accosts the monkey soldiers.

As for the newcomers this weekend, the overwhelming power of white guilt once again proved too great an enticement for any old people who just wanted to see "a nice story about how we helped the colored folk get over that whole segregation thing," as The Help took the number two spot at $25.5 million. That movie actually opened on Wednesday for whatever reason, and over the course of its five day run, managed $35.4 million in ticket sales.

Immediately behind The Help was Final Destination 5, which managed $18.4 million. That's the first time a Final Destination sequel has opened lower than one of its predecessors, leading literally every box office reporter to prognosticate that "death is stalking the series," because seriously, it's the easiest joke you can imagine. Below that even was 30 Minutes or Less, the Jesse Eisenberg/Aziz Ansari action comedy with a ripped-from-the-headlines plot that the studio could not have wanted to pretend harder it didn't rip-from-the-headlines. It debuted a paltry fifth overall, with $13 million.

Most surprising of all, however, was the out-and-out tanking of Glee: The 3D Concert Movie. While it only opened on 2,000 screens (relative to Final Destination 5's 3100, mind you), the movie's 11th place finish ($5.7 million) can't exactly be encouraging to any Fox executives who were hoping to milk this Glee thing for the next decade or so.

Now let's go to the decidedly Glee-free top 10 list, and bask in what terror The Smurfs hath wrought once again.

1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

$27.5 million / $104.9 million
For a movie no one expected to do much of anything, $100 million in two weeks is pretty damn impressive. Especially for a movie where the best performance is from a motion-captured monkey.

2. The Help

$25.5 million / $35.4 million / NEW
Despite liking all of the actresses in this movie, you couldn't pay me enough to go see this thing. There is no genre of film I despise more than "kindly white people affect social change and save the day" genre. I mind it a whole lot less when there is some truth and reality to the proceedings, but this whole thing is so slathered in glossy-eyed idealism that even the trailers give me the sugar shits.

3. Final Destination 5

$18.4 million / NEW
This movie had the highest income from 3D screenings of any movie this summer (75% of its total gross), but still couldn't crack $20 million. I think we might officially be done with this series being anything even resembling a big deal.

4. The Smurfs

$13.5 million / $101.5 million
Because of shit like this, we're getting a sequel in 2013. On the plus side, the apocalypse will have happened prior to that, so for the scant few survivors of the planet's razing, this will actually be a welcome distraction from their usual days of starving, ashen torment.

5. 30 Minutes or Less

$13 million / NEW
This is one of those rare cases where I think negative reviews actually had significant impact. An R-rated comedy like this needs some good buzz to get people interested. Nobody seemed terribly thrilled by this thing, and thus, it sunk.

6. Cowboys and Aliens

$7.6 million / $81.5 million
For those keeping score at home, in three weeks, Cowboys and Aliens has made half its budget back. Half. Want to know how much it's made internationally? $7 million. SEVEN. Poor Jon Favreau...

7. Captain America: The First Avenger

$7.1 million / $156.9 million
Apropos of nothing, have you never noticed how much Karl Lagerfeld without his sunglasses looks like Tommy Lee Jones? Come to think of it, have we ever seen the two in the same room? My god, are they the same man?

8. Crazy, Stupid, Love.

$6.9 million / $55.4 million
I'm going to hope and pray this is the last week I have to write about this movie, because there is literally nothing of note to say about it anymore.

9. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

$6.8 million / $357 million
EXPELIARMUS!!!! Seriously, go away. I'm done with Harry Potter jokes.

10. The Change-Up

$6.2 million / $25.7 million
Suck it, Change-Up. Suck it long, and suck it hard.

Dropped Out: Horrible Bosses; Friends with Benefits; Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Source: Box Office Mojo

Joeon Aug. 15, 2011 at 9:17 a.m.
Cowboys and Aliens has hardly opened internationally yet, so its intake can't be properly judged yet.
PatVB moderator on Aug. 15, 2011 at 9:17 a.m.

I wonder how early (if at all) in the production process the studio execs know they're making a bad movie. Do they know and just put the movie out anyways in the hopes of making some money back or are they blissfully unaware?

I'm just trying to figure out how The Change-Up got released to theaters where people are charged money to see that piece of crap.

Duck44on Aug. 15, 2011 at 9:26 a.m.

No noteworthy releases or news from the indie circuit ? I wonder how Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy did.

endaroundon Aug. 15, 2011 at 9:41 a.m.
@pat4327: I was wondering if the executives knew what they had and then redid stuff to go get an R rating hoping to get Hangover lite type money.  Hence CGI breasts being added in.
Jesuson Aug. 15, 2011 at 9:54 a.m.
sugar shits
eshchanon Aug. 15, 2011 at 10 a.m.

went to watch ROTPOTA on Saturday and the theater was still packed.

cexantuson Aug. 15, 2011 at 10:27 a.m.
I guess old white people need their recommended daily dose of white guilt.
Godlyawesomeguyon Aug. 15, 2011 at 10:32 a.m.
I'm with you, Alex. White guilt movies crush my soul.
wumbo3000on Aug. 15, 2011 at 11:13 a.m.
@Jesus said:
sugar shits
Everyones_A_Criticon Aug. 15, 2011 at 11:40 a.m.

Wanted to see FD5 this weekend, ended up seeing Planet of the Apes instead. I really dug that movie, even though there was a lot less action than the trailers made it look like.

PenguinDuston Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:23 p.m.
So who thinks Smurfs might make more money worldwide than Captain America by the end of its run?  It's already out pacing Super 8 and it's closing in on Green Lantern.  Now, it's not going to pass Cars 2 or Kung Fu Panda 2, but other CG heavy movies like Zookeeper, Mr. Popper's Penguins and Cowboys and Aliens are all far behind.  Yes, they were all poorly rated, but so was Smurfs.
remaininlighton Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:24 p.m.
A lesser man might suggest that white guilt actually did take the top box office spot.
Looseon Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:27 p.m.
I'm pretty sure Malcolm X just made a 180 degree turn in his grave. If The Help made it to number one he probably would've made the full 360. Also, I want to watch Malcolm X now.
WilliamHenryon Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:32 p.m.

@pat4327 said:

I wonder how early (if at all) in the production process the studio execs know they're making a bad movie. Do they know and just put the movie out anyways in the hopes of making some money back or are they blissfully unaware?

I'm just trying to figure out how The Change-Up got released to theaters where people are charged money to see that piece of crap.

They have to know pretty early on that the movie is bad. I'm sure when they get enough dailies or a rough cut they can judge its quality. They have to still put it out though because they presumably spent millions making it. They have to make whatever they can off of it.

Seraphim84on Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:35 p.m.

Crazy, Stupid, Love is the second in a series of "____, _____, Love" movies that will change the way movies are made. Crossing my fingers for Zombies, Guns, Love.

skrutopon Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:51 p.m.

@Seraphim84: I'd watch "Explosions, Tits, Love"

LiquidSwordson Aug. 15, 2011 at 1:27 p.m.

Went to see Attack the Block this weekend. Wish this had a wider release, such a fun movie!

oh and this

ddenselon Aug. 15, 2011 at 2:30 p.m.
I always thought Rise of the Planet of the Apes would do pretty good business. It's the sequel to an established franchise, has a well-known cast including James Franco, Freida Pinto and John Lithgow, and special effects courtesy of WETA Digital. Critical response has followed suit in the week after with a solid 82% on Rotten Tomatoes. It all results in good word of mouth, and it's no surprise it beat out last week's four new wide releases.
Parsnipon Aug. 15, 2011 at 2:46 p.m.

@Joe said:

Cowboys and Aliens has hardly opened internationally yet, so its intake can't be properly judged yet.

This, pretty much.

I have a feeling that it will make a pretty good haul internationally and easily make its budget back.

I know I will go and watch it when it opens over here (Finland) early next month.

Hot_Karlon Aug. 15, 2011 at 4:25 p.m.
@ddensel said:

I always thought Rise of the Planet of the Apes would do pretty good business. It's the sequel to an established franchise, has a well-known cast including James Franco, Freida Pinto and John Lithgow, and special effects courtesy of WETA Digital. Critical response has followed suit in the week after with a solid 82% on Rotten Tomatoes. It all results in good word of mouth, and it's no surprise it beat out last week's four new wide releases.

Exactly. About 3 weeks ago, you couldn't drag me to go see Rise, but after hearing about the great reviews & seeing the updated trailer, I got excited to see it. Took my mom (who grew up with the original film) and we both enjoyed it a ton. Great film. Deserving of its success.

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