I wish I knew why Bones was premiering so damn late. Is that the show someone was pregnant on, or something? Anyway, your dose of David Boreanaz is on its way, for those of you who might've missed out on Mighty Macs. And your dose of your favorite sitcom is on the way for those of you who might not be able to handle the Bore-man.
|1. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia|
FX 10 PM: "The gang uses the Internet to cyber-stalk their prey; Frank tries to drum up business for Paddy's with a viral video." In anyone else's hands, this would feel like the plot to some 2002-era "hey what's this crazy Internet thing" sitcom, but I have a feeling these guys will pull it off.
|2. Grey's Anatomy|
ABC 9 PM: "George O'Malley's mother comes to Seattle Grace for help after another hospital botches her surgery; a medical miracle inspires the residents; Jackson's suspicions about Mark and Lexie interfere with work." And, yet again, the episode will end with a series of women crying montage-style over a top-40 hit.
|3. The Big Bang Theory|
CBS 8 PM: "Amy is devastated when Penny and Bernadette shop for wedding dresses without her." Speaking as a man, I would be overjoyed if someone were to go shopping for wedding dresses without me. We could move me into the level of ultimate bliss by simply having that person be someone I don't even know.
|4. Person of Interest|
CBS 9 PM: "Reese and Finch rush to save a school teacher who witnessed a mob hit." Heck, I would just blackmail the mobster for money. "Man, I totally saw you kill that guy, and I'm going to go to the cops if you don't give me a bunch of money!" I'd be rich!
|5. The Mentalist|
CBS 10 PM: "Jane encounters a blogger (David Paymer) who has devoted his life to finding a serial killer." SHOCKING TWIST: the blogger is actually the serial killer. Callin' it.
NBC 8 PM: "Pierce's plan to throw a party to celebrate the success of Hawthorne Wipes is thwarted by his father; the Air Conditioning Repair Annex and the janitor vie for Troy." They should construct a horse and put a bunch of soldiers inside of it and give it to Troy as a gift. That's what I'd do, at any rate.
|7. Parks and Recreation|
NBC 8:30 PM: "Pawnee residents contemplate their lives after a local group predicts the end of the world; Tom plans one last big party." It'd be funny if the world really did end and the show never came back on the air. That'd be, like, meta.
|8. The Office|
NBC 9 PM: "Dwight installs a device in the office that will get everyone fired if they make too many errors." Will get everyone fired, or just the people that make mistakes? Critical distinction.
NBC 9:30 PM: "When Mark's refusal to recycle a beer can causes a rift in his relationship with Alex, Whitney tries to rectify the situation." Seriously, there's nothing more annoying than seeing people throw cans in the garbage when there's a recycling bin in the same room as them.
|10. Prime Suspect|
NBC 10 PM: "Jane and Duffy investigate the shooting death of a man in a hotel; Duffy's comments about Costello bother Jane." Sounds like Jane and Duffy have a lot on their hands. I'd concentrate on the shooting death, though. Just me.
|11. The League|
FX 10:30 PM: "Jenny forgets a special anniversary with Kevin; Andre seeks line up nirvana; Taco creates an off line social network; the guys resurrect their old game of phone chicken and bring back bobbum man."
|12. Charlie's Angels|
CBS 8 PM: "As the angels search for the extortionist that led to an artist being kidnapped, they discover Bosley's identity has been compromised." I guess this might be the last episode of Charlie's Angels to ever air? I'm guessing that because I'm too lazy to look at next week's TV schedule to check.
FOX 9 PM: SEASON PREMIERE: "A woman's remains are found in a paintball field; Booth and Brennan adjust to life as an expectant couple." Now I'm wondering about the suitability of the phrase "expectant couple." Typically only the woman is considered "expecting," but I guess technically they both exist in a state of expectation of a baby. But then, when you think about it, all of their friends are expecting them to have a baby as well, and their doctors and family, and what have you. Is everyone that knows a pregnant woman to be considered "expecting?"
|14. The X Factor|
Fox 8 PM: "Contestants face elimination; Outasight performs." I don't care!
|15. Beavis and Butt-Head|
MTV 10 PM: "The boys learn a new way to score by watching old movies; Beavis and Butt-head are accidentally hired as tech support." I hope the old movie that teaches them how to score is Deliverance.
|16. Burn Notice|
USA 10 PM: "Michael and Fiona plan to abduct a hacker in Puerto Rico in order to obtain his software, but the man has several other enemies to contend with. Elsewhere, Madeline learns to retrieve information from the police under the tutelage of Sam and Jesse." Reminds me of the time I abducted a hacker in Puerto Rico in order to obtain his software, but the man had several other enemies to contend with. That was a rough one.