Old School Quotes (2003)

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Edit 00:01:42
Mitch Martin Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Taxi Driver I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You're in the backseat.
Edit 00:04:45
Mitch Martin Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?
Edit 00:06:12
Mitch Martin I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.
Edit 00:07:18
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through.
Edit 00:11:18
Mitch Martin True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
Edit 00:13:19
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.
Edit 00:16:30
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three a half million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. you think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.
Edit 00:25:50
Mitch Martin Working what? Campus patrol?
Dean Gordon 'Cheese' Pritchard Try again.
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Jehovah Witness?
Dean Gordon 'Cheese' Pritchard I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.
Edit 00:30:46
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Yeah, from the guy who probably won't get in.
Jerry I go to school here...
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Yeah, so?
Edit 00:31:20
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Guys this is a very special occasion. The Godfather himself has decided to grace us with his presence. This is his damn house. He sleeps twenty feet away.
Edit 00:33:42
Mitch Martin Who's this guy?
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Oh, that's Blue. An old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry. He's legit.
Mitch Martin He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.
Edit 00:40:56
Frank Ricard So what do you guys like better? Nurse or cheerleader? Oh, hi Nicole. Have fun at the wedding?
Edit 00:42:20
Garry the Blowjob Instructor Okay ladies the secret of good BJ's is focus. I don't care if you're talking about your husband of ten years or just some sailor you met down at T.G.I. Friday's a couple of months ago. He never did call me back but left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But thats neither here nor there.
Edit 00:44:36
Gary the Blowjob Instructor You know, when I get back there, I'm going to show you something called crouching tiger, hidden penis. Did you ever see that movie? I really like it for the flying and the magic.
Edit 00:48:54
Mark What are you gonna do? Tell on me? You know you can't buddy. It's guy code. Guys don't tell on other guys, that's something chicks do. You're not a chick are you? Alright. Good talk. I'll see you out there.
Edit 00:50:34
Peppers You should pull that out.
Frank Ricard Wait, pull what out?
Peppers The dart. You gotta fucking dart in your neck.
Frank Ricard [laughs] Y-You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy.
Edit 00:58:00
Frank Ricard In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski.
Edit 01:00:57
Frank Ricard You know I was thinking we could go back home... have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD... no? Weren't thinking that? Ok.
Edit 01:04:05
Nicole I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch Martin Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.
Edit 01:05:30
Waiter Love, it's a motherfucker, huh?
Edit 01:06:00
Frank Ricard Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank
Edit 01:07:02
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell He's playing hardball. And I got to admit. I'm impressed.
Edit 01:10:05
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Who's life is ruined?
Mitch Martin Lets see. Blue's dead. Franks divorced. I've lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school and you're not even gonna help them out.
Edit --:--:--
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.
Edit --:--:--
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell [To Mitch] Look did you or did you not have fun at the party?
Frank Ricard I had an awesome time!
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell Frank I know that you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows you had an awesome time.
Edit --:--:--
Mark This is yesterday's paper. When are you going to use your goddamn brains for once in your life? Hello. What are you retarded?
  • In today's dollars
    Domestic $75,585,093
    Foreign +11,470,256
  • = total worldwide gross $87,055,349
  • - a reported budget of $24,000,000
  • = a 262.7% net profit of $63,055,349
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