jackanderson (Level 26)

The amount of times I've used this image, people would think that I enjoyed this film or something.

Welcome back to the 2011 Teen Choice Awards Prediction Extravaganza.   We’re into the second and final part of the Movie category and in the coming weeks I’ll be tackling all of the other categories from Music to TV to Summer to Other (no, really, that’s what they grouped them as).   But for now, we continue with the movies category.   If you’d rather just get the full list of nominees rather than read my babble, here it is.   Everyone else; smear lipstick all over yourself, spend an ungodly amount of time on a sun bed and pretend that Justin Bieber is a thing; we’re heading back in…

Choice Comedy

Who Should Win: Bridesmaids, no question.   The Other Guys does look really funny though and I really need to get around to seeing it (a phrase you’ve probably seen and are going to see a lot in my posts), but Bridesmaids is the one I’ve seen out of them both and out of all of the nominees, it’s by far the funniest.   So, that takes my vote.

Who Will Win: Bridesmaids is the latest film, so I expect that, due to the welcome absence of The Hangover Part II, it’ll pick up the win.   People barely remember comedies nowadays, anyway.

Other Things To Note: I still can’t believe that The Hangover Part II wasn’t nominated.   I mean; I’m thrilled that it hasn’t because it hopefully means that something decent will win, but you’d think that the biggest American comedy of the year with inexplicably high audience approval ratings would at least get a mention in this category.   Right?   Ah, well!   Let’s not dwell on this questionable but otherwise excellent decision and move on.

Still better than both Hangovers.

Choice Actor Comedy

Who Should Win: I’m gonna say Will Ferrell, because it’s Will Ferrell.   Plus, nobody else in this category was particularly good.

Who Will Win: Very tough one to call, namely cos most of my teenage friends can’t remember people’s names in comedies.   I’ll take a stab at saying Zach Galifianakis because teenagers loved The Hangover Part II.

Other Things To Note: I thought that Chris O’Dowd was particularly excellent in Bridesmaids but I can completely understand why he wasn’t nominated.   It’s because he’s ginger, isn’t it?   Don’t lie, Teen Choice Awards!   I’m onto you!   You racist b*stards!

Choice Actress Comedy

Who Should Win: Kristen Wiig was sensational in Bridesmaids and completely deserves the win here.   I’d like to make positive mention towards Maya Rudolph though who played the straight man/woman role to a tee.   She was great, but not as funny as Wiig.

Who Will Win: Cameron Diaz.   Not because she’s funny or because Bad Teacher was a good movie (it really, really is not), but because she is “fit”.   Sigh.

Other Things To Note: I personally would’ve replaced Maya Rudolph with Melissa McCarthy who literally stole every single scene in Bridesmaids.   Who would’ve thought that something from Mike & Molly could be that funny?   Not I!   Also, this’ll be the only time anyone ever remembers Take Me Home Tonight.   Once these awards are done, we can go back to forgetting that movie ever happened.

Its weird.  I completely forgot that this movie existed until now.

Choice Horror

Who Should Win: I swear to the non-existent gods, if I was not an almighty pussy, I would’ve gone and seen Let Me In.   That movie looks brilliant.   It thoroughly deserves to win here…

Who Will Win: …but nobody saw it.   That’s the important thing.   In fact; few people saw Piranha 3D, as far as I know.   And Scream 4 basically sunk without a trace.   So that leaves Saw 3D and Paranormal Activity 2.   Most people are over Saw now so, via the process of elimination, I have deduced that Paranormal Activity 2 will waltz away with this.

Other Things To Note: Wikipedia is listing Piranha 3D’s entry as Piranha 3DD: The Sequel, a movie that isn’t out until November.   So either that’s a legitimate mistake or all teenagers are actually Time Lords abusing their powers because they’re f*cking teenagers.

Choice Animated Voice

Who Should Win: Zachary Levi because he is ZACHARY LEVI!!!

Who Will Win: I’m gonna hazard a guess at Jack Black.   Though don’t be surprised if Justin Timberlake pops up out of nowhere and steals it, because teenagers love Justin.   Mind, saying that; for all of Yogi Bear’s flaws and general sh*tiness, Justin Timberlake does a scarily good Boo Boo.

Other Things To Note: I love how they could only come up with four nominees here.   Also, note; no Choice Animated Film category.   I don’t understand the reasoning behind not having an animated category but having one for animated voices but then I remind myself, “Hey!   This is FOX, after all!”

I await depressing news that this got shut out completely.

Choice Chemistry

Who Should Win: The First Class was the best ensemble cast I’ve seen in a movie since Serenity and they all had great chemistry, so I’d like to see them win.   My second choice is The Wolfpack from The Hangover Part II: Electric Boogaloo.   Not because the film is any good or that they’re funny, but because they all played off each other well and all seemed to be having fun.   If you’ll recall, that’s the one reason this got 2 stars from me instead of 1.

Who Will Win: Yeah, this is probably going to The Hangover Part Deux.

Other Things To Note: I’m very surprised that there’s no mention of Twilight.   Maybe they finally realised that nobody in that film has a single ounce of chemistry with one another?

Choice Liplock

Who Should Win: Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman for Black Swan because HURR HURR LEZZERZZSS!!!   LOLOLOLOL!!   In all honesty, I don’t want anything to win, because I refuse to justify Best Kiss no matter what the awards show.

Who Will Win: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart for Twilight because teenage girls.   By the by, is it weird that they both have no chemistry on screen despite being a couple in real life?

Other Things To Note: “Liplock”?   You are really going to try and make the Best Kiss category sound intelligent and different so that you don’t get called out on it?   Well, too bad!   I just did call you out on it!   Ha!

This just in: It's still sh*t!

Choice Hissyfit

Who Should Win: This is seriously a real award?   Really?   I have to pick someone?   Fine, I’ll pick Kristen Wiig for Bridesmaids just in the hopes that something good will win this crappy f*cking excuse for an award.

Who Will Win: People love The Hangover Part II: The Reckoning, right?   Then, sure.   Whatever.   That’ll win.   Do I look like I care?

Other Things To Note: Do we really need this award?   It’s just unbelievably stupid and makes no gorram sense!   Plus, the alien from Super 8 is in this award?   Can someone explain why without spoilering?   I’m actually slightly interested in Super 8.   Provided it doesn’t pull a Lost or Alias and get unnecessarily complex.   If that alien actually only exists on one of three parallel universes and is the son of the President of the , I’m going to be very unhappy!

Choice Villain

Who I’d Like To Win: Kevin Bacon ruled in X-Men: First Class and I’d love to see him go over here.   Seriously, X-Men is this close to being my film of the year.   I need to watch both it and Black Swan again to decide for certain.

Who Will Win: I was tempted to say Bryce Dallas Howard cos, you know, Twilight.   But then I remember that Tom Felton stole Best Villain at the MTV Movie Awards from out of nowhere earlier this year.   Then again, he only won cos there was no Twilight.   So, this is up in the air.   My money is on Bryce Dallas Howard, just.

Other Things To Note: The Roommate was nominated here.   Do not adjust your monitor.   This actually happened.

So I assume this was too hip for the Teen Choice Awards?

Choice Scene Stealer Male

Who I’d Like To Win: Andrew Garfield is the unsung hero of The Social Network and he deserves at least some credit from someone for it.   Please, he’s starring in that “We’re rebooting it because we genuinely think it’s best for the franchise and not because we don’t want Marvel coming and taking our rights away” Spiderman Reboot.   He basically needs to say goodbye to his career.

Who Will Win: There’s Twilight.   There’s a bloke who looks like a cross between Taylor Lautner, a llama and the Charmin bear.   Girls probably find him attractive.   You do the math.

Other Things To Note: I’ve gone too long without a Scott Pilgrim reference, so I’d like to throw in Jason Schwartzmann as Gideon Graves who absolutely kills the final 20 minutes of the film.   But on a less SP related note, I’d also say Michael Sheen for Tron Legacy.   Those 10 minutes he’s on screen are some of the funniest and most watchable in the entire movie.

Choice Scene Stealer Female

Who Should Win: Melissa McCarthy stole Bridesmaids from everybody else and completely deserves to pick it up here.   She was fantastic.

Who Will Win: Ashley Greene for Twilight.   I’m OK with that though because, I mean, have you seen her?   She’s the one great thing about Twilight!   I apologise for my constant objectification of women.   I’m really hormonal at the moment and really need a girlfriend to take my mind off such things.   I truly am the World’s Worst Feminist.

Other Things To Note: The Monkey from The Hangover Part II: The Quickening?   You people are taking the p*ss, right?   You’re not?   (shakes head in sighing disbelief)   Also, I’d remove either Alyson Michalka or that damn monkey and replace them with Alison Pill from, yes, Scott Pilgrim.   I know I sound like a broken Willow Smith record, but everyone who watched that movie completely understands why I chose her.

People actually liked this.   And by people, I mean "teenagers".  I know!  I was completely shocked too!

Choice Fight

Who Should Win: I haven’t got a clue.   No-one’s been nominated.

Who Will Win: See above.

Other Things To Note: So… does this award category actually exist or not?   I tried looking at the award’s official site, but it’s so frickin’ useless!   Try to navigate this clusterf*ck of a website!   Seriously, try!   If you are able to find out what the nominees for this award are and if it even exists, then you are far better at this than I am.

And that’s the Movie awards round up.   What do you all think?   Still trying to get your head around an award based on “Hissy Fit”?   Hit the comments below and lemme know!   I’ll be working my way through all of the other award types on an irregular basis over the coming weeks.   So, til next time, intrepid explorers!

jackanderson wants to take you for a ride on his garbage truck.