jackanderson (Level 26)

Welcome back to The Month In Movies UK!   This is the feature where I run down the month’s releases and let you know what you should sprint out and see immediately, what you should see if you’re bored and what you shouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole.   As always, I’m selecting movies based on the Coming Soon section of IMDb.

So, Summer is already in full swing and that should mean that May is full of big BIG movies ready to suck your wallets dry, right?   Erm… no.   Not really.   In truth, there are three huge movies out this month, but they are saved until the back end of May.   So you have to wade through a bit of crap to get there.   Oh, well.   If I wasn’t here to advise you on what the crap is, who would be?   Let’s dive in!

Note: This is not a list of films that I will be reviewing. It is not a complete list of films coming out this month.   The opinions expressed within this list are based on information and trailers for the films coming out this month.   I have not seen any of these films (and probably won’t see a lot of them).   All release dates subject to change.

The Month In Movies : May 2011

Are teenage girls actually capable of fancying men based on their talent? I'm dying to know!

Hanna (6th May)

Director: Joe Wright

Starring: Saorise Ronan, Cate Blanchett, Eric Bana

Yeah, you lot don’t need me to convince you to go see this, do you?   It looks absolutely brilliant.   So, seeing as this is your only big release for the first half of the month, you may as well see it.   Or, you know, you could go and watch Thor again.   Your choice.

Water For Elephants (6th May)

Director: Francis Lawrence

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon, Christoph Waltz

Who’s the better actor?   The water, the elephant, or Robert Pattinson?   Find out in this thrilling snoozefest!

Priest (6th May)

Director: Scott Stewart

Starring: Paul Bettany, Karl Urban, Maggie Q

Vampires fighting humans!   Horror action!   Based on a Korean comic book!   Directed by the guy responsible for Legion!   More feigned excitement!

Taxi Driver: 25th Anniversary Edition (13th May)

Director: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Robert DeNiro, Jodie Foster, Albert Brooks

There is actually so little out in the first 15 days of this month, that I’m recommending the re-release of a 25 year old movie.   On the other hand, it’s motherf*cking Taxi Driver!   It’s one of the greatest films of all time!   Are you really going to turn down Taxi Driver?   Are you?   ARE YOU?

CHAVS VERSUS ALIENS! How are you not excited about this?

Take Me Home Tonight (13th May)

Director: Michael Dowse

Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler

Yeah…   Moving on.

Attack The Block (13th May)

Director: Joe Cornish

Starring: Nick Frost, Jodie Whittaker, Luke Treadaway

The breakout hit of South By Southwest (SXSW), by one half of the writers of the Adam & Joe show, hits shores.   To put it simply: it’s Chavs vs. Aliens.   I don’t know about you, but I was sold on this movie by that alone.   And that’s before the overwhelmingly positive critical reviews kicked in.   “As good a debut as District 9 and Reservoir Dogs” is it Scott Wampler?   I’ll have to see that for myself!

Yu-Gi-Oh! 3D: Bonds Beyond Time (14th May)

Director: A load of people

Starring: English dubbers, so they’ll probably be crap

They still make these movies?!   REALLY?!!

No, Johnny! Your audience is down here!

Pirates Of The Caribbean

: On Stranger Tides (18th May)

Director: Rob Marshall

Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane

Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom are out!   Yay!   So is Gore Verbinski, the director of the first three!   No!   And 3D is in!   Oh, sweet christing Jesus!   To be fair, I’ve never really liked the Pirates franchise anyway and the only thing I really enjoyed from it is Johnny Deep’s show stealing performance as Captain Jack Sparrow.   Will it wear thin by the fourth go around?   Will the cast changes be for the better?   Will the 3D be superfluous?   I’m guessing: No, Maybe and You Bet Your Ass.

Win Win (20th May)

Director: Thomas McCarthy

Starring: Paul Giamatti, Amy Ryan, Alex Shaffer

I’m merely mentioning this because Jeffrey Tambor is in this movie, and I’m hoping this’ll somehow help that Arrested Development movie get made quicker.   Oh, and this film is also meant to be really good.   You should probably go watch it, or something.

Blitz (20th May)

Director: Elliot Lester

Starring: Jason Statham, Paddy Considine, Aidan Gillen

Yet another Jason Statham movie where Jason Statham once again plays Jason Statham.   Is anybody shocked by this?   Didn’t think so.   But hey!   Aiden Gillen’s in this film!   I really like him.   And as long as he plays the serial killer (he was the sole great thing about 12 Rounds as the bad guy) then I will completely recommend you seeing this film!   Yes, he is that good.

I'm assuming that they'll get drunk, forget about the night before, and, as they try to remember what happened, hilarious antics will ensue. That about right?

The Hangover: Part Two (26th May)

Director: Todd Phillips

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms

What do you do when your big R-rated comedy becomes the highest grossing of all time?   You rush out a sequel about two years later, that’s what!   And you move it to somewhere more exotic, like Thailand!   And you fill it to the seams with cameos instead of real jokes!   Then sit back and watch the money roll in!   OK, that’s my Cynical Hat off now.   Look, I enjoyed The Hangover.   It was funny, it was silly, I forgot all about it within a week.   Due Date wasn’t much better.   I’m seeing this because it’ll be something to review, I’m hoping it’ll be crap (cos Lord knows I want to write a negative review) and everybody will be talking about it regardless.   I suggest you do the same.   Also, more Jeffery Tambor!

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (27th May)

Director: David Bowers

Starring: Zachary Gordon, Bostick, Robert Capron

This will forever be remembered as the movie that humiliated Sucker Punch at the American Box Office.   On the plus side; at least it looks mildly tolerable (I had to sit through a trailer for it before Winnie The Pooh), which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for the upcoming Horrid Henry Movie (in 3D, no less).   Cos, you know, whatever the Americans can do, we can do 50x better, right?

X-Men: First Class (30 May)

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Starring: Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Kevin Bacon

Do.   Not.   Panic.   The X-Men franchise is in damn good hands.   Matthew Vaughn is responsible for the absolutely fantastic Layer Cake and my “Fourth Favourite Film Of Last Year” Kick-Ass.   The cast is impeccable, the trailers look great and everything is pointing towards this ruling.   Besides the god awful posters, but let’s just ignore them, shall we?

That’s May in movies!   What films are you interested in seeing?   What are you raging about coming out?   Disagree with any of my preliminary criticisms?   Hit the comments below and voice your opinions!   For more movie talk (among other shoddily written pap), why not follow me?

jackanderson wants to fly like an eagle, to the sea.