jackanderson (Level 26)

AMERICA! F*CK YEAH! COMING AGA... Hang on. Wrong film.

Never underestimate a British person’s patriotism towards products of their own creation! Three weeks on from release (and about 2 and a half after the rest of the world stopped giving a f*ck), the Potter juggernaut claims another bunch of victims, remaining at the top with over £4.5 million. Who will topple the almighty Warner Bros. money maker? Who?! WHO?! Surely next week’s film will... hmm? ... Next week’s big release is Super 8? Anything else? Mr. Popper’s Penguins? ... That’s it?! ... I give up! This’ll be number 1 for another sodding week!

So, yes, Captain America failed to make its way to number one. In fact, it did quite poorly, raking in just under £3 million. Though I believe this is less to do with Potter and more to do with the fundamental concept. Marvel tried to market a superhero who’s gimmick is that he is basically all-American (it says so in his name). And we Brits just don’t give a f*ck about America. Case in point: That debt situation that’s been running in America these last few days? Might be all over the TV news but no person gave a f*ck. And neither did any newspaper. Know what The Sun put as their headline a few days ago? “DEATH BY XBOX!” I rest my case.

Further UK bias abounds elsewhere as, hilariously, Horrid Henry The Movie destroyed Zookeeper by over £300,000 for fifth place. Way, way funnier than both of these films combined. BOOM! In any case, my brother is planning to go to the cinema with his friends this weekend to legitimately watch Horrid Henry. I think he has a screw loose. Can somebody give me any advice? I’m worried about him.

Elsewhere, Cars 2 dropped to third and also dropped 47% of its takings, leading me to believe we won’t be seeing a Cars 3 any time soon. Bridesmaids slips to seventh and finally earns less than £1 million. Beginners clings on for dear life and we sadly must say our goodbyes to The Tree Of Life. But, good news, everyone! There’s no obscure Indian movie on the list this week! Meaning I can make sh*tty jokes and random asides about movies that I know about! Yay!

Captain Great Britain has a full list! Doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? Yeah, never mind.

UK Box Office Results: 29th - 31st July 2011

	1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II £4,567,581 / £55,520,549 Oh, yeah. The movie broke a billion over the weekend or whatever. Look, I liked the film, yes. But, no, I’m not as hung up about it ending as everyone else. The Potter phenomenon (books, games, movies, board games, mugs, etc.) just never caught me like it caught everyone else. I’m not particularly sad to see it go. I didn’t cry during the film’s numerous deaths. I do, however, feel that it’s the end of an era. We haven’t seen anything like it before and we won’t see anything like it again. I was gonna compare it to the Bible; but nobody’s started an actual war over Harry Potter, have they?
	2. Captain America: The First Avenger £2,981,590 / NEW I’m seeing this in a couple of hours which is why this report is going up early. Still kind of disappointed that it didn’t do better. But them’s the brakes in this America hating world we live in!
	3. Cars 2 £1,870,677 / £8,204,497 Should be seeing this next week, hopefully. The next big films out that I’d like to see after this are Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (Still a stupid name) and The Inbetweeners Movie (a movie that must be a 15 if they can give that same rating to the new Conan The Barbarian), so I’ve got time to see this as well. Plus, it’s Pixar! So it does sadden me to see this underperforming, regardless of assumed quality.
	4. Horrible Bosses £1,411,725 / £5,288,286 Only a 31% drop from last week. Yay! So whilst it probably won’t be the next Bridesmaids, it may hang around for a while. Double yay! They’re talking up a sequel! No!
	5. Horrid Henry the Movie £1,290,308 / NEW Honest and unbiased and unprejudiced truth: This movie looks like utter garbage. Critics are saying it’s utter garbage (12% on Rotten Tomatoes). The viewers are saying it’s utter garbage (33% on Rotten Tomatoes). And yet, I feel nothing but utter sadness towards this. Why? Dick & Dom are in this movie! You know, the hilarious comic duo responsible for making kids TV bearable for 5 years! And they were responsible for this. And this. And, oh yes, this.
	6. Zookeeper £936,063 / NEW It’s taken me a full half hour to write commentary for this film. Not because I can’t come up with numerous terrible jokes about it, you understand. But because I’ve been wasting time going through old Dick & Dom In Da Bungalow clips thanks to Horrid Henry. So, in lieu of actual commentary, have another clip!
	7. Bridesmaids £732,049 / £20,137,833 First week out of the £1 million mark, but it’s had a fantabulous run. You know, I reckon that people are going to remember this movie more than The Other Comedy That Shall Not Be Named, when all is said and done. And you know what? That makes me a very happy person.
	8. Transformers: Dark of the Moon £406,427 / £27,308,685 $5 million dollars away from a billion. Which is cool, apparently. So this time next week I’ll be lamenting how yet another crappy film has reached $1 billion. I’m not even kidding; bar The Dark Knight, Toy Story 3 and Harry Potter 7 Part 2 (and possibly Return Of The King, I still need to sit down and watch Lord Of The Rings again as a mature person to see if it’s any good); every single film that has reached a billion is crap. Try and prove me wrong! It won’t end pretty!
	9. The Guard £202,031 / £2,213,833 So I did some research into this for The Month In Movies blog and this definitely looks like a movie I’d go see. Of course, if it’s anything like In Bruges (the director of that is the brother of the director of this) I won’t be able to go see it anyway. But at least it’s a rental on DVD.
	10. Beginners £100,334 / £393,070 The fact that it stayed on for one week at all is an impressive feat. But it seems this is... the beginning of the end! YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! ... Yeah, that sucked. To make up for it, here’s another Dick & Dom clip.