jackanderson (Level 26)

It is not the Bieb's year.

Well it’s mostly good news when it comes to this week’s Box Office Report.   Why?   Because the Bieber failed to reach number one!  In fact, it did absolutely pathetic.   Especially for a new release film with 3D ticket prices!   How bad?   You can wait for that.   Compare it with Paul, a movie released on the previous Monday.   Even with the previous 4 days of gross removed it still kicked everybody’s arse, taking over £3 million over the weekend and sitting pretty at number one!

Elsewhere, True Grit managed to hold steady at number 4, despite all VUE’s in a 50 mile radius of me pulling the majority of their screenings (because...); The King’s Speech continued to earn enough money to fund a small island nation for a year and Black Swan makes a farewell appearance on the list.   A fact I’d find sad, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s made tonnes of money and everybody who has seen it that I know loves it.   A victory for quality cinema!

But with the good, comes the bad.   The Fighter sadly departed our list this week, missing by just under £150,000.   It’s not sad for the film’s quality (I haven’t seen it, so I can’t comment), but it’s sad because I had a tonne of awesome Christian Bale “Powerpuff Girls” remixes stored for every week it would stick around that I now can’t use!   I had the auto-tuned version ready to go this week!   But I guess you’ll never get to hear it now!   Will you?   WILL YOU?!   You bastards!

If you’re a Belieber, I’d shield your eyes now.   This full list is going to get messy.

UK Box Office Results: 18th February – 20th February

1] Paul

£3,209,335 / £5,517,121

As my review clearly demonstrates, I really liked Paul so I am very very happy for its success.   The big question, then, is how long it will hold onto the number one spot.   There is sod all of anything decent looking (aside from Drive Angry) coming out this week, so maybe there’s a chance people will flock and see this again.   I hope so.

2] Gnomeo & Juliet

£2,223,978 / £6,373,301

My spell checker hates this movie with a fiery passion.   Still amazed, mind you, that people are actually seeing the Disney knock off instead of the actual Disney film.   What?   Has everybody except me seen Tangled or something?   Or is this film actually good?   Answers on a postcard.

3] The King’s Speech

£1,685,180 / £37,127,599

So now I’ve explained why I’ve done an about face on this film, I’m going to stop moaning about this actually very good film.   I’ll just let it pass by each week with no fuss.   No, really.

4] True Grit

£1,466,979 / £4,558,297

So people are somehow still seeing this.   You see, VUE Scunthorpe, people do want to watch this film!   Now stop pretending that Justin Beiber is a big money maker, because it clearly isn’t!

5] Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son

£1,433,778 / NEW

A 30 second TV advert for this actually filled me with so much rage it took all that I could not to punch the nearest human being, which in this case was my mum.   That’s how angry I was!   It’s just black jokes, fat jokes and sexist jokes housed in one film and dressed up as family entertainment.   Family entertainment!   If you saw this, you are dead to me.   If you took any members of your family to see this, you are worse than Hitler, Pol Pot and Stalin combined!   You heard.

6] Yogi Bear

£1,370,585 / £3,862,364

Great British Public; I asked you to dispose of this tripe quickly!   Not let it fester on this chart for another week!

7] Tangled

£1,295,709 / £15,347,419

Every single one of you parents who took your children to see Yogi Bear or Gnomeo & Juliet over this deserve to have your kids taken away from you.   Oh yeah, I went there.

8] Just Go With It

£984,355 / £3,766,707

Yes, this really is happening.   More people wanted to see Adam Sandler get hit in the junk than Justin Bieber being Justin Bieber.   You may think that you are winning with this, but know this.   As part of your act of defiance, you are giving Adam Sandler reason to make more movies.   Now you don’t feel so high and mighty, do ya?

9] Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

£820,592 / NEW

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

10] Black Swan

£693,332 / £14,277,599

Well it’s had a great run, but it’s time to bid farewell to Black Swan.   It’s been fun!   And memorable.   And mentally scarring.   But let’s not get into that last part.   This is, sadly, my last opportunity to remind you all that, yes, Natalie Portman really is pregnant.   Did you know that before?   Well you sure do now!

Dropped Out: The Fighter (farewell, Christian Bale meme), Never Let Me Go, James Cameron Presents: Sanctum 
 
That's this week's list.  Comment below, follow me and join me here every Wednesday for the latest UK Box Office Report! 
 
jackanderson will be your surgeon, your proctor, your helicopter.