Hands up who loves TinTin? Yep, that’s you and the rest of the country as The Adventures Of TinTin: The Secret Of The Unicorn waltzed to victory on this Halloween weekend with £6.75 million. However, this includes £3.2 million from previews leading to a far less impressive total. So, lesson to be learned: Never release your movie at the beginning of the week if you still want to have a half impressive total at the weekend crunch. Now, if somebody could warn In Time of th… Oh…
So, despite being, like, the biggest thing evar; Paranormal Activity 3 dropped 46 whole percent and one whole place to second. Because people apparently don’t want to watch scary movies at Halloween, for some reason. Probably too busy telling moochy kids to f*ck off. Not that the week’s other new releases managed to fair much better. The Help (a.k.a.: White Guilt: The Movie!) managed to guilt trip significantly less white hearts than America and wound up in sixth with less than £900,000. The Ides Of March opened on only 213 screens (cinemas, I’m sick and tired of you not giving Ryan Gosling the credit he deserves) and made over £600,000 for seventh.
Meanwhile; Bollywood continues to be a thing in the UK. Ra.One opened on just 94 screens and made £900,000 including previews! And, yes, it shrinks to a slightly less impressive figure when you take out previews but over its run it managed to make over £9,000 per screen! No matter how you slice it, that is impressive.
As for the last 2 releases; Anonymous opened on 214 screens and still only made £183,194 forever dooming Roland Emmerich to making sh*tty movies about blowing up the Earth. And, very sadly, Ghostbusters big re-release only affected 64 cinemas and made a rather pathetic £55,934. I’m guessing most people are waiting for Five to show it again in about a month. Like they always do.
|1. The Adventures of Tintin|
£3,504,499 / £6,758,724 / NEW
So; sequel likely? The next one’ll be directed by Peter Jackson so it has a shot at being even better than this one (I’m putting The Lovely Bones down on his score card as a fluke). Speaking of; anyone actually seen this? Is it any good? Kermode and Mayo could only manage a literal “meh” and The Guardian acted like someone showed the Nuremburg Rally for 2 and a bit hours.
|2. Paranormal Activity 3|
£1,843,816 / £7,594,554
I’m guessing this is just the post-first weekend drop off. I thought people wanted to watch scary movies over Halloween? Incidentally, my brother watched the first one of these on Saturday (cos I’m a wuss and was gnashing teeth at single player Battlefield instead). He rather enjoyed it. Said it didn’t sh*t him up but he was talking real fast and loud like he did after watching The Blair Witch Project, so I think it did. He wouldn’t watch the second or third, though, quote, “You already know exactly what’ll happen. What’s the point?” Truer words never been spoken.
|3. Johnny English Reborn|
£1,787,451 / £17,497,821
Only a 13% drop. This is going to hang around for an absolute age. Be prepared.
£1,051,348 / £3,742,241
I think it’s been a good... ooh... 15 minutes since I last ripped on VUE, so let’s rip! Contagion is being quietly shuffled out of theatres this Thursday. So, like usual, I can’t see it. Boo! And, indeed, hiss! Man, I really need to see another movie. My last one was Johnny English. I’m losing street cred by the second, folks!
|5. The Lion King|
£1,011,060 / £11,040,929
Half Term. It’s a money maker.
|6. The Help|
£896,597 / NEW
Not enough white people were guilted! We are all f*cked now! Our souls are unsalvageable! Repent! The end is nigh! THE END IS NIGH!!
|7. The Ides of March|
£665,387 / NEW
You know, one of these days, a serious Ryan Gosling movie will get a big release here in the UK. One of these days! Just you wait! It’ll come soon! I can feel it! We just gotta belieeeeeeeve!!!
|8. RA. One|
£560,930 / £908,768 / NEW
Bollywood. It’s a thing.
|9. Real Steel|
£508,604 / £4,174,237
After sifting through all of the possible robot songs I could find to send this film off with; I chose Flight Of The Conchords. I think I made the right choice.
|10. Dolphin Tale|
£295,641 / £2,037,534
Just think: This means that some cruel, heartless parents took their children to see this piece of sh*t instead of TinTin, Johnny English or The Lion King. I pity the parents for having poor taste. I pity the kids for having to put up with the parent’s bad taste. And I pity you for watching this advert.
jackanderson’s gonna take that tiger outside for a ride.