jackanderson (Level 26)

*insert witty one liner here*

I was absolutely terrified for Thor's box office chances this weekend for a multitude of reasons. 1] Britain does not have a very big comic book culture (as far as I'm aware). 2] It's based on a comic book hero most people have never heard of. 3] It was the weekend of the Royal Wedding. And 4] Fast Five had only just been released the previous weekend. I thought it was going to get slaughtered.

I needn't have worried. Thor obliterated the chart this weekend with almost £5.5 million in earnings. Proving that a] Britain has a far bigger comic book culture than I thought. b ] The fact that it was based on a comic book hero most people have never heard of isn't that big a turn off. c ] Nobody gave two sh*ts about the Royal Wedding. And d] People have already gotten over Fast Five. Yay for me being completely wrong for a change!

Meanwhile, we continue our quest into horror films that are, for some reason, not being released at Halloween with Insidious which debuted in third with about £1.4 million. I would insult this but seeing as it's already made about a bazillion times its budget back, I think it already has the last laugh. And lastly in new release city, Cedar Rapids debuted in twelfth with about £150,000 on 180 screens. Look, stop moaning. That's actually pretty damn good, alright?

Elsewhere: Scream 4 suffered yet another ridiculously large drop to sixth, Beastly dropped to eighth, Hop dropped to seventh and we basically had drops, drops and more drops. Who else dropped where, though? That's what a full list is for! But before we do that, it's your weekly Winnie The Pooh update! This week, it languishes in fifteenth with barely £50,000. Hang your heads in shame, UK Cinema Going Public! Hang your heads in shame!

Time to drop a full list bomb!

UK Box Office Results: 29th April - 1st May

1] Thor

£5,449,300 / NEW

“Uh huh! Uh huh! And raise it! And raise it!” To any of you lot not getting the reference, I'm trying to imitate Elliot from Scrubs. It's not working, is it? Didn't think so. I'll just go cry in the corner.

2] Fast Five

£2,609,244 / £11,163,953

Moviebob scathingly dissected this film on Friday. Anybody seen it? I'd like to know if the second act is just people stood around saying things like, “(in deep booming voice) Family. Loyalty. Honour. Cars. Cars. Caaaars. Import Cars. Caaaaaaaaaars.” Accurate?

3] Insidious

£1,441,292 / NEW

Funny story time! Two of my girl friends (not girlfriends, girl friends! There is a difference!) went to see this at the weekend. One of them got so scared that she covered her eyes almost the entire time and her friend had to describe the film to her. … … OK, so it's “being kind” funny. Or “cute” funny. Look, it's better if you know her, OK!! Leave me alone!

4] Rio

£801,102 / £9,779,770

Yep. This is still a movie.

5] Arthur

£682,187 / £2,477,285

I probably should have apologised in advance. The next couple of weeks' commentaries are going to be quite boring and uninspired. I have exams coming up and I'm not as focused on my blogging work as I should be. So expect one line crap fests of “This still exists” often. I can only give you my sincerest apologies.

6] Scream 4

£396,190 / £5,096,897

I suppose Insidious is what's cutting into this film's takings. I mean, how can you resist a movie “From the people who brought you Saw AND Paranormal Activity”? I can, but I'm obviously not the target audience for this movie. Don't forget: Black Swan mentally scarred me and is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. Speaking of which, you do all know that it's out on DVD on June 6th or something, right?

7] Hop

£314,829 / £6,727,678

Only a 33% drop from last week. Don't forget, children: A candy sh*tting rabbit is for life, not just for Easter!

8] Beastly

£210,974 / £1,071,105

Wow, is Alex Pettyfer actually that ugly in this film? Have the film makers done such a good job at making him ugly, they've turned away the hormonal teenage girl target audience? Mind you, this film was made for peanuts. A single homeless man could have paid for one ticket and just used the theater as a bedroom for the night, and they STILL would've made a profit! Cheap filmmaking is a winner! You hear that, Sucker Punch!

9] Source Code

£196,978 / £5,707,782

I WILL get this on DVD, I WILL eventually watch it, it PROBABLY WILL end up on my Top 10 films of the year. Now stop bugging me!

10] Red Riding Hood

£168,325 / £2,469,669

This beat Limitless to the number 10 slot by £400. I'm not sure whether to nod silently in an approving fashion or to cry into my lap about the inhumanity of it all and how teenage girls are going to, very soon, take over the world. On the plus side, they'll make better leaders than our coalition government! BOOM!!

Dropped Out: Limitless, Your Highness