jackanderson (Level 26)

The continuation of my experiment. All will be explained next week, I promise.

Like a pretentious tw*t with a propensity for swearing, we bid “Adieu” to 2011 and say “Hola” to 2012 with this week's Box Office Report. And, in fact, we close out one year and begin another with a huge battle that will shape our lives forever more! Specifically; can Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol destroy a whole bunch of mediocre to crap movies that have been on release for at least 3 weeks now and secure Brad Bird a future in live action cinema?

Short answer: Yes. Long answer: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Because we did it folks! We actually f*cking did it! Being released on a Monday couldn't even handicap the latest adventures of Tom Cruise running real fast into the center of the screen, as it sprinted it's way to number one with £2.7 million over the weekend. But over the whole week, the film managed to rake in an astounding £8.1 million. Sure, that's nowhere near as mindblowing as Twilight or Harry Potter or Inbetweeners openings, but this is post-Christmas-into-New-Year's week we're talking about. All things considered, that's rather astonishing. Great job, Jeremy!

But what of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo? David Fincher's decidedly non-Christmasy Christmas release? The one that's rated 18 and is dark and gritty as all f*ck? Shockingly, it did rather bloody brilliant. For starters, it finished the weekend in third place with £1.5 million. But over the 7 day total, because some people just have to release their movie on a Monday, it took in £4.3 million. So, this film is overall, an unqualified success! Bust out the part poppers!

As for those films that actually decided to open at the weekend (like good little movies) we have one disappointment and one hell of a success story. The disappointment first: The Lady, the Luc Besson biopic that I can't be bothered to actually go searching around to find info about, made a paltry £63,748 on 117 screens for twelfth place. But then we have The Artist, the black and white silent French film that's taking the art house world by storm. It opened on one screen at VUE's West End in London but still managed to take in £48,455.

Let me repeat that again: £48,455 from one single screen. We are truly living in an age of progress.

This full list will sel... No, no. That's too obvious.

UK Box Office Results: 30th December 2011 - 1st January 2012

	1. Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol £2,705,339 / £8,188,209 / NEW Should, in theory, be seeing this on Sunday. Brad Bird will be getting my money, dammit! I'm thoroughly excited despite never having watched a single Mission: Impossible movie before. Yeah, I have a hell of a lot of holes in my movie viewing library. Trust me, it's easier to list what I have seen.
	2. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows £2,546,529 / £16,044,022 If for some reason we can't see Mission: Impossible, then we're off to go see this instead. I know that's like going to a restaurant and when told they're all out of the steak you ordered you decide to have some pig sh*t instead, but what you gonna do? It's January! I need to watch some blockbusters before the Oscar bait buries me completely!
	3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo £1,567,230 / £4,325,594 / NEW OK, so with this and The Artist doing damn damn well, does that mean I've travelled through a Stargate or something? Am I in a Bizarro universe where movies that are different and inventive and good prosper? And the bad, the mediocre and the downright offensive movies die a horrible, painful death? Maybe...
	4. Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked £1,451,331 / £9,210,473 A 28% increase? Yeah; this is still normal, crummy old reality, alright. Sigh.
	5. Puss in Boots £1,366,975 / £9,893,533 A 52% increase? Did you people not read my review? A dismally average DreamWorks movie is still not a movie to go see! I know that you were expecting something of astronomically crap proportions, the kind of film that molests your kids and steals your wife/husband, but, “It's not a total sh*tpiece” is still not a positive recommendation!
	6. New Year's Eve £736,024 / £6,107,736 No, I have no idea why this would jump up 86% from last weekend! Did something important happen last weekend? I wouldn't know cause I was sat downstairs watching TV with my Mum and brother whilst she gets royally pissed and complains how we're ungrateful children and how her life is sht and how she needs a man which is just, like, classic her. Meanwhile, I start weeping my eyes out because of precisely how sht my life is. You know, like I do *every single fcking year!** So... what did we all do for New Year's?
	7. Arthur Christmas £302,006 / £20,476,988 Oh, come on! Why an 85% drop? Look, I get that Christmas is over and, as such, this is now slightly out of date. But on December 30th when you got to the cinema with the family, did you genuinely say to yourself, “Whilst Arthur Christmas is apparently the best animated film of the year (so says the charmingly handsome Callum Petch), Christmas has gone! So there’s no reason to watch it! Come on, kids! Let’s go see Alvin And The Chipmunks instead!” Really? F****CK AAAALLLLL Y’AAAAAALLLLLLL!!
	8. Hugo £244,283 / £4,567,647 Look, by me not seeing it, I know that I’m as much of the problem as the solution here but gorram it people! Just cos I don’t see something decent, doesn’t mean you all shouldn’t too! The only time you should skip something is if I trash it unceremoniously on these here pages! How hard is that for you to understand!?
	9. Happy Feet Two £221,804 / £4,841,060 Hold on a sec, I need to check some numbers... (checks numbers) Ooh! So close! (shakes head) So close.
	10. Don 2 £182,669 / £1,184,910 Rather than talk about this Indian film I’ve never heard of before, I thought I’d give you a quick schedule update. The third and final part of the Screen One Awards for 2011 will be up before the end of next week. It would be finished sooner but it’s currently on the back burner for the following three reasons. 1] The Month In Movies for January which will be here tomorrow. For certain. No joke. I can plow through it in about 2 hours, just give it time. 2] I’m currently writing a set of columns about video games for a website. I’m forwarding them for selection soon and, as such, I want them to be perfect so that I can be selected. Most of my effort is going there. Sue me. 3] I have this massive ass History essay for college I still haven’t done. I’ve had it for a good 2 and a half weeks now. But I’m a chronic procrastinator, so I haven’t even touched it yet. All other pieces of work are, as of now, being ignored til it’s done. I know this goes against everything I just said but try and imagine shutting up for a moment. Works a charm, right?

Til next time, Happy New Year!

jackanderson’s got sucker’s luck.

jackanderson (Level 26)

UK Box Office Results: 30th December 2011 - 1st January 2012

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