jackanderson (Level 26)

On the one hand, it's a terrible film. But on the other, Alyson Hannigan is back on the big screen. I think this all shakes out.

Despite the combined efforts of the return of a comedy series that has been dead for nearly a decade and the return of Zac Efron whose box office drawing power has been dead for half a decade, The Avengers held firm at the top of the chart with over £8 million in box office takings. Proving that, whilst the opening was relatively soft, peoples do actually want to see Marvel’s finest kick all kinds of arse!

However, this is not to the detriment of American Reunion as it turns out that we Brits we really looking forward to seeing Alyson Hannigan stick things in her p*ssy again. Over 5 days (it opened on Wednesday); it took over £6 million. Over 3 days, it took over £4 million. Regardless of your thoughts on the movie, that is pretty damn impressive. Rather less impressively (but way better for all of humanity); The Lucky One. Stripping out previews, the film could barely manage £800,000 for third place. Now, you may be tempted to say, “Third place is pretty damn good!” But you clearly forget the £3.5 million difference between this and American Reunion. So, no. It’s not “damn good”.

There were other openers, though not a single one of them did that well. Beauty & The Beast in 3D failed to drag people back the same way that The Lion King in 3D did and could barely open in fourth with just under £700,000. The latest Jason Statham flick Safe (a.k.a. The Transporter with a little girl instead of a hot woman) could only manage fifth with just over £675,000. And the “one-take” horror flick Silent House barely took £200,000 from 207 screens for ninth.

As for drop-outs, we have two major ones. The Cabin In The Woods shed 69% of box office takings between last weekend and the weekend before and sadly departs this list. The other big drop-out was Battleship which shed 80% of its takings and sinks to twelfth. This is, without a doubt, irrefutable proof that people only saw Battleship because there was nothing else on. That’s just hilariously tragic; especially when you realise that, thanks to your lack of a quality control meter, it’s already made in excess of $200 mil worldwide and it is now super likely that we will get a sequel. I hope that you are all so f*cking proud of yourselves!

[Insert Snappy Full List Gag Here]

UK Box Office Results: 4th May 2012 – 6th May 2012

	1. The Avengers £8,121,916 / £29,851,680 Biggest opening in America of all time. Biggest opening in America of all time. I still can’t get over that. It keeps rattling around in my head but I still cannot believe it. We Whedonites did it. We finally did it. We finally gave him a roaring success. It makes this thank you Joss posted on the official fansite Whedonesque all the sweeter. We finally did it. And by “we”, I mean "America". Not us Brits. We couldn’t even beat Breaking Dawn Part 1. What the hell is wrong with us?
	2. American Reunion £4,471,466 / £6,334,539 / NEW So, there’s still a market out there for Sean William Scott acting like a complete toolbag after all? Oh, Maker, have mercy. You take MCA from me and tell me this in return? Gorram it!
	3. The Lucky One £830,553 / £1,159,435 / NEW For comparisons sake, I cross referenced this opening with that of the last two Nicholas Sparks based movies and whilst this did better than The Last Song (fifth place, £600,000) it did... err... significantly worse than Dear John (first place, £2 million). So... This means... What? Zac Efron and Channing Tatum are great but Miley Cyrus isn’t? If so, somebody should warn LOL of that, quick!
	4. Beauty and the Beast £680,061 / £685,024 / NEW, From A Certain Point Of View So, does this mean that the Disney 3D-athon-ification is over before it’s truly begun? One can only hope... Hmm? What’s that? The next two are Pixar films? Well sh*t...
	5. Safe £676,708 / £679,716 / NEW These are not particularly great numbers, to be honest. Does this mean Jason Statham’s time as a great box office draw is coming to an end? Maybe if he starred in a Nicholas Sparks adaptation...
	6. Salmon Fishing in the Yemen £641,051 / £4,470,916 Not even old people can hold off the combined onslaught of Disney, Zac Efron’s gorgeous brooding, Jason Statham punching people in the face and Sean William Scott being a d*ckhead. I’m not sure whether to celebrate or cry.
	7. The Hunger Games £346,807 / £23,059,924 What has two thumbs, a funny voice and still doesn’t give a crap? Callum Petch. I added the funny voice to keep it fresh.
	8. The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists £318,039 / £15,302,734 May, possibly, hopefully get to see this on Sunday but probably won’t. Such is the joys of this cruel and uncertain world we live in. The kind of cruel and uncertain world that takes MCA and Maurice Sendak within 5 days of each other and has North Carolina vote against same sex marriage. Just... gorram it, world.
	9. Silent House £214,731 / £214,731 Hey! Who wants to watch the Prome...? (gun shot)
	10. Mirror, Mirror £207,319 / £6,886,603 (body twitches. Kills self again over re-using unfunny joke from a while back)

Dropped Out: The Cabin In The Woods, Battleship, Titanic, 21 Jump Street, Lockout

Callum Petch looks like cable guy dunked off of his crown. (R.I.P. Adam “MCA” Yauch)