Seeing as absolutely nothing big came out this week, it’s probably no surprise that this week’s Box Office list looks about the same as last week’s; just with a significant drop in money totals. Thor retained the top spot with almost £2 million and Fast Five is in hot pursuit with £1.6 million. If it weren’t for Pirates 4 being out next Wednesday, I would’ve predicted that this’d stay the same forever and ever. But hey, just like with Sebastian Vettel winning all the time in F1, they can just fight it out over the podium positions instead!
As for new releases, they all clogged up the middle portion of the chart, so I’ll leave you in suspense til we hit the countdown. Look, I know you expect a certain amount of commentary on these things and for a nice and succinct run down before actually getting into the list, just in case you get bored or hate lists or something. Can’t you at least appreciate the surprise for a change? Or at least acknowledge that I have exams and shall be spending less time writing these features and more time procrastinating from revision? Thank you.
As for outside the chart news; we’ve lost Scream 4 and, much sadder, Source Code. Your Highness made barely £6,000, just in case you were interested in how badly that’s bombed. Limitless still somehow hangs onto the top 15; what, have the ladies STILL not got their Bradley Cooper fix? They do know that The Hangover Part 2 is out in about 2 weeks, right? And 13 Assassins debuted in twelfth with just under a quarter of a million. Not too shabby.
Here comes a full list. ... I told you I’m not focusing on the funny!
UK Box Office Results: 6th – 8th May
£1,946,695 / £9,523,268
A mahoosive 64% drop compared to last week. But, don’t forget, last week’s opening was even mahoosiver! But if this still gets you down, cheer up! Your Highness had an 85% drop this week! Let’s all laugh at Your Highness again! But don’t laugh with it, like it would like you to. That’s encouraging everyone involved to make more crap.
2] Fast Five
£1,608,463 / £14,393,127
Anybody catch The Rock’s birthday on RAW last week? I didn’t think it would literally just be his gorram birthday party. I thought there’d be story or at least a sideways footed confectionary anus insertion to John Cena, or something! But on the bright side, Cole was forced off the show for the entire broadcast by Rocky! Thank goodness for small miracles.
£1,315,358 / £3,872,900
This thing’s gonna have legs, I can tell already. Expect this to hang around for several weeks and for me to have absolutely nothing funny or insightful to say about it.
4] Water For Elephants
£1,270,483 / NEW
Teenage girls, can we please get over Robert Pattinson, now! Please! I’ve already heard you all piss and moan that Taylor Lautner is the better (read: hotter) actor, so can you all stop being so damn hypocritical? Just let this talentless hack piss off, alright? Thank you!
£1,135,782 / NEW
Did you really think that people would go and see the interesting and intelligent looking film over the film where Robert Pattinson might get shirtless for about 10 seconds, making their £5.50 cinema ticket not feel so damn wasted? If you said yes, you clearly have not been reading these wrap-ups enough. I’m very disappointed in you.
6] Something Borrowed
£707,863 / NEW
Wow. I didn’t expect it to do this average! But still; BLEURGH! This film is wretched, I tells ya! BLEURGH!
£702,493 / £11,051,328
£396,038 / NEW
CW, please renew Nikita! Pretty pretty please! I love that show to death and if you were to cancel it for another series of What Teenage Girls Want From A TV Show: The Sequeling, I will be filled with an unparalleled rage squarely directed at your offices! Well, unmatched unless NBC cancels Chuck. Which reminds me: NBC; DON’T YOU DARE CANCEL CHUCK!! YOU HEAR ME!!
£309,683 / £3,033,830
Breaking News: Unfunny movie is unfunny! Makes very little money! More at 10!
£214,364 / £7,147,746
How in the holy hell did it take a full month and 10 days to get rid of the candy crapping rabbit? How? I need answers here people! This sh*t keeps me awake at night!
Dropped Out: Scream 4, Beastly, Source Code, Red Riding Hood
jackanderson's been having problems with the Screened blog writing tools. Anyone know where he can go to complain?