In the face of stiff competition (two columns in a row that I’ve started off with a dick joke! Boo-yah!), The Inbetweeners Movie continued to hold strong at number one with over £2.1 million. Look, I know that a lot of you are both perplexed and amazed and annoyed at the film’s continued dominance of the chart and want an adequate enough explanation for this confounding success story. And, luckily for you, I’ve got one for ya! You ready? Here it is... (clears throat)... TEENAGERS!!!
So, out of the competish, Friends With Benefits did best of the lot in second place with £1.5 million excluding previews. Closely following behind (and, by closely, I mean jogging sweatily behind) was Jane Eyre which settled for third place and just over £1 million. Meanwhile; closely following behind that (and, by closely, I mean jogging sweatily behind it with broken legs and dying slowly of lung cancer) is Colombiana with £400,000 off 322 screens for seventh place. And following closely behind that (and, by closely, I mean jogging sweatily be… you know what? F*ck this metaphor) was A Lonely Place To Die opening on 222 screens with decent marketing… and came in 19 with £111,277.
Meanwhile, and in infinitely better news, Troll Hunter had a very good opening coming in twelfth (when you include previews) with £200,607 on 83 screens. So, Chris Columbus! May wanna reconsider that English language remake you’re planning! Just sayin! Kill List, the big UK indie horror movie doing the rounds on 40 screens made another £37,000. Mere Brother Ki Dulhan, the Week’s Big Indian Movie (cos I know someone cares about the Week’s Big Indian Movie) came in fifteenth.
And; in truly, absolutely, positively, 100% hilarious news… Apollo 18 dropped ten whole places from seventh to seventeenth place. This actually dropped so much that it’s not listed on the UK Film Council’s list and I only found out thanks to The Guardian’s box office report! I mean… Let’s just take a moment to fully appreciate the hilariousness of a $5 million film failing to make its budget back overseas at this time! … … … Finished? Good. Let’s never speak of it again.
I’m your friend, so you get the benefit of a full list! What do you mean “I’m not your friend”? STOP WITH THE LIES!!!
|1. The Inbetweeners Movie|
£2,147,393 / £39,431,017
I spent the weekend re-watching a lot of the TV series of this and forgot how brilliant and quintessentially British it is! Especially the motorbike scene from series 3 (here’s the clip if you need a refresher or have never seen it before). If it was an American show, that crash would have been huge and over-the-top with possibly a couple of lost wheels and an explosion. Instead; it’s just absolutely pathetic, like it should be, and is funnier because of it. And that’s why an American remake of the show wouldn’t work.
|2. Friends with Benefits|
£1,516,087 / £1,947,272 / NEW
Did anyone hear the Scott Mills interview of Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis? I’m not too much of a fan of Radio 1 (least of all the music they play), but moments like those are why I tune into the Scott Mills show every single day.
|3. Jane Eyre|
£1,012,111 / NEW
So there is a market for slow moving, period costume drama adaptations of famous book that ARE NOT shown on TV. That’s reassuring to the people who care. Evidently, I’m not one of them.
|4. The Smurfs|
£817,306 / £14,796,151
Why? Why?! Why is this movie still making money?! Why is it not sinking like a stone?! Why is it still the smallest smurfing dropper of revenue every week?!! Why?!! WHY?!! WHY?!!!
|5. Rise of the Apes|
£701,258 / £19,282,432
Time for another Monkees number. This week, their biggest hit: Daydream Believer.
|6. One Day|
£634,807 / £6,652,635
£424,049 / NEW
Just like I noted in my Month In Movies UK piece, Hollywood will believe this failed because it’s an action movie with a woman who isn’t Angelina Jolie and that audiences don’t want to see any woman in an action movie that isn’t Angelina Jolie. When in reality; we do want to see women other than Angelina Jolie in action movies. We just don’t want to see crap action movies!
|8. Final Destination 5|
£396,687 / £4,825,126
So, how likely do you think a sequel is? There’s a $78 million profit for this one currently posted. But the last one made a total profit of $141 million. So… unlikely? I’m gonna say this series is now all but finished. We’ll just need someone to confirm it for us.
|9. Fright Night|
£278,342 / £1,512,699
|10. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II|
£259,540 / £72,420,336
So that’s it for Harry Potter. It’s about to go for good. I would’ve given it the benefit of the doubt, if it weren’t for the four releases out on Friday (Tinker, Tailor; The Change-Up; I Don’t Know How She Does It; 30 Minutes Or Less). So, it’s going to drop out at nine weeks. But that’s no bad thing, right? Oh! That’s right! Rio managed to survive 10 weeks but the last Potter film couldn’t! Oh, what a shame(!) What a total shame, indeed(!)
jackanderson’s sick in the car seat cos he’s not up to going.