Video Game Movies I've Seen

(that have been featured on Giant Bomb's video feature This Ain't No Game AKA TANG)

I came, I saw, I shouldn't have.

Why do video game movies seem to get a high rating from me? Well, here's my rating rubric:

[5/5] - Impossible

[4/5] - Includes the most important element from the video game it is based on (i.e. fighting, flash kicks, zombies, tone, Max Payne's face, etc.) and/or manages to make me laugh from outrageous changes from the material it is based on (Charlie=Blanka, kicking dogs in the face in slo-mo, Agent 47's awkwardness around the opposite sex, etc.)

[3/5] - Probably the only rating where the movie's "story" (i.e. confusing, stupid) and/or special effects/CGI detract my overall "enjoyment" with the movie (i.e. uncanny valley)

[2/5] - Includes a character that at least resembles who they're based off of, horrible special effects, and hilarious acting from Chris Klein and Til Schweiger. These movies tend to be really bad, but man are they hilariously bad.

[1/5] - Wow, how did they fuck up everything? These movies are excruciating to watch.

Note: I am, in no way, a movie enthusi-AST or someone that really, really nitpicks on how a movie should be made. I'm simply someone who enjoys how ridiculous and unrealistic a movie can get. I embrace the awesomely bad, but when something is bad bad - really, really terrible bad (like that Super Mario Bros. movie... wow) - well, let's just say I think some things should have never been made.

	1. Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva 5/5
	2. Street Fighter 4/5
	3. DOA: Dead or Alive 4/5
	4. Resident Evil 4/5
	5. Resident Evil: Apocalypse 4/5
	6. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children 4/5
	7. Silent Hill 4/5
	8. Hitman 4/5
	9. Max Payne 4/5
	10. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider 4/5
	11. Mortal Kombat 3/5
	12. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 3/5
	13. Resident Evil: Extinction 3/5
	14. Doom 3/5
	15. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within 3/5
	16. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale 3/5
	17. Wing Commander 3/5
	18. Resident Evil: Degeneration 3/5
	19. Far Cry 2/5
	20. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li 2/5
	21. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life 2/5
	22. Onechanbara: Samurai Bikini Squad 2/5
	23. BloodRayne 2/5
	24. Alone in the Dark 2/5
	25. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation 2/5
	26. BloodRayne II: Deliverance 1/5
	27. Super Mario Bros. 1/5
	28. House of the Dead 1/5
	29. House of the Dead 2 1/5
	30. Postal 1/5

6 Comments

Mr.Qon Jan. 10, 2011 at 6:13 p.m.

I actually liked the Mario Bros. movie. all things considered if it was faithful to the source material would it really be any less ridicules? but I liked it for what it was though it could just be the nostalgia filter. but good list though.

pantaloonson Jan. 10, 2011 at 6:31 p.m.

@mr_q: I remember enjoying it for what it was when I was younger. But the second time around, and for the sake of this list, I judged it with a much more critical eye than usual. I guess it really depended on how I was feeling on that particular day. And according to my silly rubric, it probably should have gotten a 2/5 since it did include characters named Mario and Luigi with an obvious resemblance to their inspiration.

But one thing is for certain and that is that Postal is definitely the worst video game movie I have ever seen ever.

Also, just to make things clear, and why I haven't seen any films recently under this subset of films (video game movies), the list of video game movies I've seen were inspired by Giant Bomb's own TANG (This Ain't No Game) movie reviews done by editor Ryan Davis. =D

Mr.Qon Jan. 11, 2011 at 2:26 p.m.

@pantaloons: I think originally it was going to be more like the source including the giant pipes and the fire spiting flower things but an executive wanted it "darker and edger" the rest is history. not much of a gamer myself so I tend not to be too disappointed. honestly I've only seen two or three of these but on average even I know that video game movies tend to be hit or miss, and a whole lot of miss.

ashogoon Jan. 28, 2012 at 5:10 p.m.

is the layton movie actually that great?

pantaloonson Jan. 28, 2012 at 7:33 p.m.

@ashogo: I'll admit that I'm a bit of a fanboy when it comes to the Professor Layton series of games, so before I even saw the film, knowing that the animation work was done by the same team that works on the games' FMVs, I knew I was going to love it. Even with the franchise's somewhat insane reasonings to include puzzles, somewhat believable story, I really love the characters, things the film mirrors from the games it stems from.

It's pretty much the games without puzzles being thrown at you, so the story, music, and the characters (each voiced by their respective voice actors in the game) are in full display here and I absolutely loved it. Hell, it could be terrible and I wouldn't even know, being a fan of that DOA film and all.

ashogoon Jan. 28, 2012 at 11:20 p.m.

@pantaloons: Cool. The Layton games are very charming in their presentation, so if the movie captures that spirit as you say it does then I'll probably enjoy it a fair deal.

pantaloons (Level 24)

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