PatVB (Level 33)

Fox 9 PM: I haven't actually watched an episode of this show since halfway through the previous season, but I hear it's gotten better. As I work feverishly to catch up, you can watch House return to Princeton-Plainsboro, Wilson treat a failing organ transplant recipient, and Chi Park (played by Charlyne Yi) join the diagnostic team!

ESPN 5:30/8:30 PM: Bears at Lions. This is the first time the Lions have been on MNF since 2001. That's a little embarrassing, but they're 4-0 this season so they're probably not complaining!

CBS 8 PM: Finally, a show I actually keep up with! This week, Ted takes his class on a trip (which predictably goes awry) and Marshall disagrees with his boss over a multi-million dollar deal and takes matters into his own hands. I can't promise anything else except the return of Barney's duck tie!

CBS 9 PM: "Walden looks for Mrs. Right, and Alan wants Lyndsey back in his life." Aside from the verbs and prepositions, I have no idea what any of that sentence means.

FOX 8 PM: "Radio silence at a nearby scientific outpost prompts an investigation that reveals the outbreak of a deadly virus that causes memory loss, and paranoia, which poses a risk to Terra Nova." This poorly constructed sentence (including the bonus comma) is brought to you by the fine folks at 20th Century Fox Television!

USA 9 PM: After the entirety of the WWE walked out on Triple H in a vote of "no confidence" last week, I have no idea what's going to happen now. But I bet involves a lot of oily men yelling at each other and smashing one another into the Spanish announcers' table!

A&E 8 AM-10 PM: Worried that your place of residence is a little messy? Want to feel better about yourself? Too lazy to clean? Have I got the show for you! The good men at A&E ease your feelings of OCD and present you with 14 straight hours of crazy-people-voyeurism!

TNT 4 PM-10 PM: If gross people collecting gross amounts of gross things isn't your kind of thing, you can watch 6 episodes of Law & Order. It looks like they range from 2000-2007, so you'll get a pretty good spread of cast members to watch. And at least one of them is a Jerry Orbach episode, so it's got that going for it!

ABC 8 PM: Um...something, something Nancy Grace?

AMC 8 PM: I don't like this movie as much as other people seem to (The Shawshank Redemption is my favorite Stephen-King-prison-story-turned-movie-adaptation), but if you're interested, check it out!

CBS 10 PM: "A deep-sea diver known for his valuable shipwreck discoveries is murdered. Patty Duke and Peter Fonda guest star." CBS continues its proud tradition of offering dramatic content exclusively for your grandparents.

ABC 10 PM: "Castle and Beckett go after a serial killer who stole Ryan's gun after the weapon gets linked to a young woman's homicide." I haven't watched any of this show since the first season, but I'm going to assume that Castle, Beckett, and the other wise-cracking cops solve a crime within 42 minutes!

NBC 8 PM: "Radio Hits & 60s Classics: Part 2: Six groups perform current hit songs and classic 1960s tunes." Funny, I had a horrible nightmare last night, and this is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

NEVER: Sorry, too soon?