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1. Christopher Lambert |
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2. Neil Patrick Harris
NPH, a.k.a. Lord Emperor of the Universe, is what I like to refer to as "badass in a closet, waiting to come out." Wait... what? |
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3. Bruce Campbell
I can't make a movie like this without Mr. Impin to the Pimpin himself, Bruce Campbell. He'll knock up your woman just by looking at her, son. And then he'll take your nachos, and you won't say a damn thing - because it's Bruce motherfuckin' Campbell. |
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4. Jason Statham
When he's not starring in shit, who the hell else are you gonna call for a straight-up action movie these days? Kinda want to see him in a more villainous, psychotic role. |
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5. Tom Cruise
Fuck you, Collateral was awesome. |
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6. Daniel Dae Kim
The best part of Saints Row 2 is imagining Daniel Dae Kim actually saying half his lines as Johnny Gat. We need more Kim in our action movies, so get on that, Hollywood! |
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7. Sung Kang
Sure, Ninja Assassin blew more chunks than I did when I had SARS and went to Six Flags, but you can't fault Sung Kang, whose role in Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift was fantastic. |
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8. Jet Li
This little guy's straight up crazy! Crazy TALENTED! Ohhhh, see what I did there? Anywho... go watch Hero, Unleashed, and... well, just about anything from the last decade with him in it. |
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9. Tony Jaa
No one deserves their moment to shine in a blockbuster Hollywood action movie like Tony Jaa. There's no joke there - he's straight up the most physically talented martial artist I've ever seen on film. |
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10. Jean-Claude Van Damme
Look at the mullet! Look! Now go watch Lionheart, Universal Soldier, Kickboxer, and every other insanely hilariously bad movie he's ever done. OK, no, seriously, I do love The Quest, which is really a decent, fun movie. |
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11. Bruce Willis
Of all the old-as-shit action stars still out there on oxygen and walkers doing movies, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Willis and the next guy on this list. When Willis isn't saddled with shit like Die Hard 4, he still churns out the occasional good popcorn action movie, and Cop Out was shockingly funny. |
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12. Sylvester Stallone
You know, I like Sylvester Stallone. He doesn't always churn out the best movies, but when he hits a fun one out of the park, it's always a riot. Stuff like Deathrace 2000, Expendables, Cobra, the Rambo films... they're all good, mindless fun. |
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13. Ice Cube
I'm not talking the family-friendly silly Ice Cube here. I'm talking full-on angry, will-jack-you-in-the-jaw Ice Cube from the NWA days. If XXX 2's script hadn't sucked worse than a hooker with sewn lips, I think Ice Cube would have been a marketable action star for a period of time. |
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14. Terry Crews
We've basically got the rest of the Expendables, so why not? Terry Crews also had one of the best roles in the awesome Idiocracy, so there's that too. |
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15. Dwayne Johnson
I really, really like The Rundown, Walking Tall, and Southland Tales. Dwayne Johnson has put out a few stinkers, but his other stuff has really made me into a fan. |
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16. Jean Reno
I'd like to see Jean Reno put in a performance as a stone-cold antagonist, just a violent son of a bitch who has no mercy whatsoever. Sorta like if his character from The Professional had no heart? Hmm. In any case, yeah, a great action star who has moved on to different things. Good for him. |
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17. Sean Bean
Next to Anthony Hopkins, Sean Bean is my favorite actor of all time. Why? He's got a rough everyman look to him, yet his voice was absolutely meant for Shakespearean works and awesome roles. His roles in Lord of the Rings, the Sharpe movies, and the Big Empty alone have made me a huge fan. |
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18. Johnny Depp
Not a traditional action star by any means, but his roles as Jack Sparrow and Sands (from Once Upon a Time in Mexico) make me wonder how he'd do in a giant ensemble action piece. |
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19. Anthony Hopkins
Simply put, Anthony Hopkins is the best actor working today. Period. Titus Andronicus, Silence of the Lambs, and everything in between have made him the standout actor of the last three or four decades. |
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20. Zachary Quinto
One of the younger stars that I expect to become huge in the next decade is Zachary Quinto, of Star Trek and Heroes. He's a fantastic actor with a hell of a lot of charm and menace on the screen. I'd love to see him in an action movie like this. |
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21. Robert Downey Jr.
I'd love to see what RDJ would bring to the table as far as his character went. Every role he plays is done with an amazing amount of talent and a keen eye towards character building, so I'd let him go nuts with his character. |
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22. Woody Harrelson
Woody Harrelson's one of those guys who can look both intimidating and fun at the same time. He's the sort of versatile actor that's so rare, and has some awesome movies to show for it. |
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23. Sam Worthington
Sam Worthington's a solid action star. Honestly, as much as I enjoyed Avatar and Terminator Salvation, the man just needs a better written action movie to make him a household name. I definitely like his work, though! |
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24. John C. McGinley
John C. McGinley does a great job in Scrubs, and I think he'd do very well in an action-oriented comedic role in something as ridiculous as Mean Guns. |
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25. Owen Wilson
I wouldn't assign him a single comedic line in this movie. Honestly, I'd freaking love to see Owen Wilson do a straight-up, serious ballsy action movie, maybe even as a horrible villain of some sort. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy his comedic talents, but I'd like to see him challenged in new ways. |
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26. Luke Wilson
Luke's always seemed a bit more serious than Owen, so it's easier to see him in a movie like this. It's the sort of cheesy concept where you could even pair the two together, trying to wipe everyone else out as a team first. Hey, if I had a chance to work with my brother like that, I'd sure as hell do it. |
Really? No kidding? I did not realize that! Thanks for pointing out that incredibly obvious fact. Wasn't sure if Hollywood producers were really going to light on this page and say, "Brilliant! Cast 'em all!"
It's just a fun, whimsical list not really meant to be taken seriously, duder.
are you sure that owen wilson would do the movie without ben stiller