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| Sandy Bates |
|
But shouldn't I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something? |
| Martian | Let me tell you, you're not the missionary type. You'd never last. And-and incidentally, you're also not Superman; you're a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes. |
| Dorrie | That aftershave. It just made my whole childhood come back with a sudden Proustian rush. | |
| Sandy Bates |
|
Yeah? That's 'cause I'm wearing Proustian Rush by Chanel. It's-it's reduced. I got a vat of it. |
| Sandy Bates |
|
Just a little while back, just before I died in fact. I was on the operating table and I was searching to try to find something to hang onto, you know, cause when you're dying your life really does become very authentic and I was reaching for something to give my life meaning and a memory flashed through my mind: It was one of those great spring days, it was Sunday, and you knew summer would be coming soon. And I remember that morning Dorrie and I had gone for a walk in the park and come back to the apartment. We were just sort of sitting around and I put on a record of Louie Armstrong which was music I grew up with and it was very, very pretty, and I happened to glance over and I saw Dorrie sitting there. And I remember thinking to myself how terrific she was and how much I loved her. And I don't know, I guess it was a combination of everything, the sound of the music, and the breeze, and how beautiful Dorrie looked to me and for one brief moment everything just seemed to come together perfectly and I felt happy, almost indestructible in a way. It's funny, that simple little moment of contact moved me in a very, very profound way. |
| Sandy Bates |
|
You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. |
| Jack | What is it the comedian says when his jokes are going well? "I murdered that audience"..."I killed 'em"..."They screamed"..."I broke 'em up." | |
| Sandy Bates |
|
Yeah. So-so what are you saying? Are you saying that someone like-like myself or... or Laurel and Hardy, or-or Bob Hope are furious? |
| Jack | Furious or latent homosexual. |
| Young girl | I understand you studied philosophy at school. | |
| Sandy Bates |
|
Uh, no, that's not true. I-I-I did take - I took one course in existential philosophy at, uh, at New York University, and on, uh, on the final... they gave me ten questions, and, uh, I couldn't answer a single one of 'em. You know? I left 'em all blank... I got a hundred. |
| UFO Girl | What have you got against intellectuals? | |
| Sandy Bates |
|
Intellectuals? Nothing, why? |
| UFO Girl | Mr. Bates, I've seen all your films. You really feel threatened by them. | |
| Sandy Bates |
|
Threatened? You're kidding me. I've always said they're like the mafia. They only kill their own. |
| Sandy Bates |
|
To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition. |
| Sandy Bates |
|
It's crazy. The town is jammed. I don't know, is the Pope in town, or some other show business figure? |
Top Editors
-
fernandoabel
36 points
