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| Stephen Stills |
|
Is she gonna geek out on us? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
She'll just sit in the corner, man. |
| Stephen Stills |
|
I mean, I want her to geek out on us. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
She'll geek. She geeks. She has the capacity to geek. |
| Kim Pine |
|
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
*Laughs* ...Wait, what? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Even I would think twice about dating a 17 year old. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up. So I wouldn't call it 'dating.' It's more like... |
| Wallace Wells |
|
...playtime? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
That doesn't sound so good either. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man? You'd think it was because he looks like a hockey puck but it actually comes from the Japanese phrase 'Paku-Paku,' which means to flap one's mouth open and closed. They changed it because they thought Puck-Man would be too easy to vandalize, you know, like people could just scratch off the P and turn it into an F or whatever. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Well, I knew I personally rocked. But I never suspected that we rocked as a unit. |
| Knives Chau |
|
I've never even kissed a guy. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
[consoling] Hey... me neither. |
| Stephen Stills |
|
This guy at work was like, 'Steve, you know anybody in a band?' And I was like, 'I'm in a band.' And he was like, 'You're in a band?' And I was like, 'Yeah, I am totally in a band.' |
| Kim Pine |
|
Great story, man. |
| Knives Chau |
|
Oh my gosh, who are you battling? |
| Stephen Stills |
|
Crash and the Boys. |
| Young Neil |
|
That one band with Crash and those boys? |
| Kim Pine |
|
Yeah, that's the one. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
You have a band? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yeah, we're terrible. Please come. |
| Crash | Good evening, my name is Crash and these are the Boys | |
| Wallace Wells |
|
[yelling mockingly] Is that girl a boy too? |
| Crash | Yes. [little girl drummer gives Wallace the finger] |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Sweet! Coins. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Now you listen close and you listen hard, bucko. The next click you hear is me hanging up. The one after that... is me pulling the trigger! |
| Kim Pine |
|
Scott, you are the salt of the earth. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
[cheerfully] Oh, thanks. |
| Kim Pine |
|
I meant scum of the earth. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
[still cheerfully] Thanks. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
[about his stunt double] He's good right? Sometimes I let him do the wide shots... when I feel like getting blazed back in my Winnie. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Hey. Ask him how it feels to always get his sloppy seconds. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
How does it... [gets hit in the head with a skateboard] |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Hehehe. That's actually hilarious. Hilarious. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Mr. Lee! You're needed back on set! |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Prepare to feel the wrath of the league of evil exes. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
The league of evil exes? |
| Lucas Lee |
|
You really don't know about the league? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Um... |
| Lucas Lee |
|
The seven evil exes... coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona's love life? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
No. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Oh, well hey listen man, don't worry about it. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Really? |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Yeah. [offers his hand to help Scott up] Let's go get a beer. BOOM! [punches Scott in the face] |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You are a pretty good actor. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
I'm going for the Oscar this year. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
But are you a pretty good skater? |
| Lucas Lee |
|
I'm more than pretty good, esse. [Pulls bit of shirt down to reveal tatoo] I have my own skate company. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Can you do a thingy on that rail? |
| Lucas Lee |
|
It's called a grind, bro. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Well, can you do a grindy thingy now? |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Are you serious? There are like 200 steps and the rails are garbage. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Well, hey if it's too hardcore... |
| Lucas Lee |
|
You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
There are girls watching. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
[Looks over Scott's shoulder and turns around] Somebody get me my board! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
[Has Lucas' board] Hi. Big fan. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
[Takes the board from Wallace] Why wouldn't you be? |
| Roxy Richter |
|
You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die, obviously! |
| Roxy Richter |
|
[with a southern accent] Oh, I'd love to postpone, darling, but I've just cashed my last raincheck. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What's that from? |
| Roxy Richter |
|
MY BRAIN! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
I gotta pee on her. |
| Julie Powers |
|
So, uh... you guys doing anything for fun while you're in town? |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Fun? In Toronto?! [pompously chuckles] |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
That's it! [slams fist on table] You cocky COCK! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You once were a "vegon", but now you will "be gone." |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Vegon? [Scott headbutts Todd and he bursts into coins] |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Uh... Sorry I guess. |
| Envy Adams |
|
Sorry? You just head-butted my boyfriend so hard he burst. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You kicked my heart in the ass. So I guess we're even, Natalie. |
| Envy Adams |
|
Natalie? No one calls me that anymore. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Maybe they should. Let's get out of here. [Scott walks off with Ramona] |
| Julie Powers |
|
For the record, I am so pissed off for you right now. |
| Envy Adams |
|
Shut the &*#% up, Julie. |
| Kim Pine |
|
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN! ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR! |
| Knives Chau |
|
Woooow. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yeah. Wooow. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Wallace? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Yeah-uh? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
This is happening, right? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Oh yeah. Kick her in the balls! |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
I'd rather be dead than go back! He's a creep, you're a bitch, and you all deserve each other. |
| Roxy Richter |
|
Give it a rest Ramona! This is a league game! |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
Meaning? |
| Roxy Richter |
|
Meaning your precious Scott must defeat me with his own fists! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Uh. I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft... |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
You don't have a choice! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Wow. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yes! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
He totally bailed. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Ah! I didn't get his autograph. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
No... |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
If I peed my pants would you just pretend I just got wet from the rain? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
It's not raining. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Oh... |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Mr Lee! You're needed on the set! |
| Crash | Hello. My name's Crash and these are my boys. | |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Is that girl a boy too? |
| Crash | Yes. This song is called: "I am so sad. So very, very sad." |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
You're planning on juggling two chicks? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
No! Who told you? |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
Wallace, duh! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
How can he do that? He's unconscious! |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Scott Pilgrim! Hey, buddy! Welcome! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Save it! You're pretentious. This place sucks. I've got beef. Let's do it! |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Wait! You wanna fight me... for her? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
No. I wanna fight you for me! |
| The Voice | Scott earned the Power Of Self Respect! | |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Kim! |
| Kim Pine |
|
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB AND WE'RE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You know what sucks? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
What?? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
...everything. |
| Kim Pine |
|
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yeah, wait, what? |
| Stephen Stills | Hey man, question. I was wondering how does not eating diary products give you psychic powers? | |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Okay. You know how you only use 10% of your brain? That's because the other 90% is filled with curds and whey. |
| Kim Pine |
|
Did you learn that at Vegan Academy? |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Go ahead and get snippy baby. If you knew the science maybe I'd listen to a word you're saying. |
| Stephen Stills |
|
Scott! Let it go! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Don't worry I know what I'm doing. Stephen the new line up rocks, you guys sound way better without me. Young Neil you have learned well. From this point forward you shall be know as Neil. |
| Young Neil |
|
Ooh! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
And Kim... I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about me. |
| Stephen Stills |
|
She has to go... she knows we suck. |
| Stephen Stills |
|
Level with me. Did we suck? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
I dunno. Did you? *leaves* |
| Stephen Stills |
|
She has to go. She knows we suck. |
| Envy Adams |
|
We're playing a show at Lee's Palace. You should so totally come. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
That's so not gonna happen. |
| Envy Adams |
|
Great. You're so on the list. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Well anyways, please don't tell anyone I'm dating a 17 year old. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Come on. You know me! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
And by anyone I mean my sister. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
(gets up, types on phone and walks to bathroom) You know me. |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
(Phone rings, Scott picks it up) 17 years old? Scandal! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What? No! Who told you? |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
Wallace! Duh! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
That gossipy bitch. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
(opens bathroom door with phone in hand) You know me! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
WALLACE! |
| Vegan Police # 1 | [Vegan police bust through the wall] Freeze! Vegan Police! | |
| Vegan Police #2 | Vegan Police! | |
| Vegan Police #1 | Todd Ingram! You're under arrest for veganity violation. Code number 827, imbibing half & half. | |
| Todd Ingram |
|
It's boldor! |
| Vegan Police #1 | No vegan diet, no vegan powers! | |
| Todd Ingram |
|
But, but...it's only my first offense, don't I get three strikes? |
| Vegan Police #1 | [to partner] Take it. | |
| Vegan Police #2 | At 12:27 AM on February first, you knowingly ingested gelato. | |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Gelato isn't vegan? |
| Vegan Police # 1 | It's milk and eggs, bitch. | |
| Vegan Police #2 | On April fourth, 7:30 PM you partook a plate of chicken parmesan. | |
| Todd Ingram |
|
...chicken isn't vegan? |
| Vegan Police #1 | The de-veganising ray. Hit 'im! |
| Crash | This song's for the guy who keeps shouting at us from the balcony. | |
| Wallace Wells |
|
[points quizzically at himself.] |
| Crash | It's called "We Hate You, Please Die!" | |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Sweet, I love this one. |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Hey, you love birds. We have unfinished business, I and he. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
He and me. |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Don't you talk to me about grammar. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
I dislike you, capisce? |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What? |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Because you'll be dust by monday. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Um... |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Because you'll be pulverized in 2 seconds, and the cleaning lady? She cleans up. Dust. She dusts. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
so...so, what's on Monday? |
| Todd Ingram |
|
well 'cause...it's Friday now, she has the weekends off, so, Monday...right? |
| Envy Adams |
|
[sighs] Basically you can't win this fight, so you're gonna have to give up on this girl, because Todd's gonna kill you. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
[to Envy, as he rushes towards Todd] You used to be so NICE! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Wallace... Amazon.ca, what's the website for that? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
[pause]...Amazon.ca |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
We are Sex Bob-omb and we’re here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You're pretentious, this club sucks, I've got beef. Let's do it. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
Roxy? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You know this girl? |
| Roxy Richter |
|
Boy, does she know me. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What is she talking about? |
| Roxy Richter |
|
He really doesn't know? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Wait...you and her?? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
It was just a phase. |
| Roxy Richter |
|
Just a phase? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You had a sexy phase? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
It meant nothing, I didn't think it would count! |
| Roxy Richter |
|
It meant nothing? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
I was just a little bi-curious. |
| Roxy Richter |
|
Well honey... [cracks knuckles] I'm a little bi-furious! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Hey, it's okay guy... maybe you can move in with Ramona! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
She's with Gideon... |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Oh...it's probably because he's better than you. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Wallace? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
uh-huh? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
This is happening, right? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Oh yeah. [to Ramona] Kick her in the balls! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Hey, buddy, look...if she really is the girl of your dreams, then you have to let her know. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. You CAN do it, be WITH her! It's your destiny. Plus, I need you to move out. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What?! |
| Kim Pine |
|
Believe it or not, I actually dated Scott in High School. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
Got any embarrassing stories? |
| Kim Pine |
|
Yeah, he's an idiot. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
[slams open apartment door] Guess who's drunk? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
[in bed] I guess Wallace. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
You guess right. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Watch out! It's that one guy. |
| Roxy Richter |
|
I'll see you later. But you won't see me. Because next time, I'll be deadly serious next time. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What? |
| Roxy Richter |
|
Never mind! [disappears] |
| Stephen Stills |
|
We'll understand if you don't want to take part. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Not only do I want to take part--[spins around] I want to take them apart. |
| Stephen Stills |
|
Okay, I'm gettin' chills. |
| Lucas Lee |
|
The only thing separating me from her is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Hey, so can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing I didn't even get any...that was a joke. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
What kind of tea do you want? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
There's more than one kind? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffle, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment and...earl grey. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
...did you just make some of those up? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
You doin okay there? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yeah, good, good, good. [Ramona leaves the room] She changed her hair. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
So, it looks nice blue. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yeah, I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
And you're worried about me gaying up the place. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
[to Wallace] You suck. Surprising no one. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
This is actually really good garlic bread. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Garlic bread is my favorite food. I could honestly eat it for every meal. Or just eat it all the time without even stopping. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
You'd get fat. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
No, why would I get fat? |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
Bread makes you fat. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Bread makes you fat?! |
| Knives Chau |
|
Is Scott here? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
You know what...? [Scott jumps out the window] He just left. |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
Next time, we don't date the girl with eleven evil ex-boyfriends. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Seven. |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
Well, that's not that bad. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
We all have baggage. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Yeah well, my baggage doesn't try and kill me every five minutes. |
| Young Neil | He punched the highlights out of her hair! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
I want to have his adopted babies. |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Talk to the cleaning lady on Monday. Because you'll be dust by Monday. Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts... and she has the weekend off and today's friday right?... |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
You made me swallow my gum! That's going to be in my digestive tract for seven years! |
| Wallace Wells |
|
If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the "L-word." |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Lesbian? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
The other "L-word." |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Lesbians? |
| Wallace Wells |
|
It's "Love" Scott. I wasn't trying to trick you. |
| Knives Chau |
|
That was so amazing, they are so good! |
| Young Neil | Yeah, you should see them live, they are so much better live! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Did you know that the original name for Pac-man was Puck-man? Not because he looks like a puck, but because paku-paku means to flap one's mouth open and closed. They changed it because they were afraid of people changing the name, like scratching out the middle part of the P. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
I'm in lesbians with you. |
| Ramona V. Flowers |
|
What? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
I didn't do anything, everyone's crazy except for me. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Oh yeah... you're totally my bitch forever, Scott. |
| Wallace Wells |
|
Well maybe you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend. |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB, AND WE'RE HERE TO MAKE YOU SAD AND THINK ABOUT DEATH AND STUFF! |
| Todd Ingram |
|
Sounds like someone wants to get... Funky. |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Do you know how long it took me to get all of the evil-exes contact information? TWO. HOURS. LIKE TWO HOURS! |
| The Voice | Not so long ago... in the mystical land... of Toronto, Canada... |
| Kim Pine |
|
We are Sex-Bob-Omb, and we are here to make money and sell out and stuff. One, two, three, four- |
| Stacey Pilgrim |
|
Did you really see a future with this girl? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Like... with jet packs? |
| Stephen Stills | What about rehearsal?! | |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Young Neil can take over my parts! |
| Young Neil | I'm Neil. |
| Roxy Richter |
|
YOUR BF's ABOUT TO GET F'D IN THE B! |
| Lucas Lee |
|
Listen to me, and listen good, Bucko. The first click you hear is gonna be me hanging up, and the next click, is me pulling the trigger! |
| Stephen Stills | Scott! Let it go. Don't give him the satisfaction. | |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
What if I want the satisfaction? |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
You want to fight me for her? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Was that not clear? Was that not clear? |
| Stephen Stills | I dunno... | |
| Young Neil | I dunno... | |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Now why on Earth would you want to do THAT? |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Because I'm in love with her! |
| The Voice | Scott earned the power of love! | |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Awe, I think this deserves a song. KIMBERLY! |
| Kim Pine |
|
We are Sex Bob-omb. We are here to make money and sell out and stuff. One! Two! Three! Four! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
Your club sucks by the way. |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Well if my cathedral of cutting edge taste holds no interest for your tragically Canadian sensibilities, then I shall be forced to grant you a swift exit from the premises and a fast entrance into hell! |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Scottie, you can cheat on these ladies all you like, but you can't cheat death. |
| Gideon Gordon Graves |
|
Hehe, who do you think you are Pilgrim? You think you're better than me? Well, I'll tell you what you are. A pain in my ass! Do you know how long it took to get all the evil ex's contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like two hours! TWO HOURS! You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero! Nothing! Me? I'm what's hip, I'm what's happening, I'm blowing up right now! |
| Scott Pilgrim |
|
You are blowing up- right now! |
-
edit
Box Office
Domestic $31,524,275 Foreign +$16,140,284 - = total worldwide gross $47,664,559
- - a reported budget of $60,000,000
- = a -20.6% net profit of $-12,335,441
- show in today's dollars »
-
By Rating 5/5 4/4 3/3 2/2 1/1 0/0 - edit Links Around the Web
-
In today's dollars
Domestic $31,524,275 Foreign +16,140,284 - = total worldwide gross $47,664,559
- - a reported budget of $60,000,000
- = a -20.6% net profit of $-12,335,441
Top Editors
-
nofx4208
2,391 points
- Spacetrucking 888 points
- RockinKemosabe 391 points
- ViperPilot 317 points
- Jason_Miami 266 points
