The Kids Are All Right Quotes (2010)

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Edit 00:13:01
Joni Allgood Each of my moms had a kid, you know, with...with your...with your sperm.
Paul Hatfield Like in both of them?
Joni Allgood Yeah.
Paul Hatfield Like in two?
Joni Allgood Uh-huh. Like in gay.
Paul Hatfield Oh! Right. Right. Right on. Right on. Yeah, cool. I...I love lesbians.
Edit 00:13:37
Joni Allgood I just don't want you to have big expectations.
Laser Allgood Will you quit saying that? I have no expectations, all right?
Joni Allgood Okay. I'm just saying. He might be weird. I mean, he donated sperm. That's weird.
Laser Allgood Well, you know, if he hadn't, we wouldn't be here, so respect.
Edit 00:18:56
Laser Allgood Hug her. That's what she's there for.
Edit 00:23:27
Jules Allgood Well, sweetie, you know, human sexuality is complicated. And sometimes desire can be, you know, counter-intuitive. You know, for example, because a woman's sexual responsiveness is internalized, sometimes it's exciting for us to see responsiveness externalized, like with a... Like with a penis.
Laser Allgood Wouldn't you guys just rather watch girls doing it, though?
Jules Allgood Well, you would think that. But usually in these movies, they hire two straight women to pretend,and the inauthenticity is just unbearable.
Edit 00:29:15
Paul Hatfield I'm not saying that, you know,I think that higher learning uniformly blows. You know, I think college is great for some people. Joni, I'm sure you're going to love it. But just... I'm a doer. That's how I learn. Which is probably why I'm in the food services industry.
Edit 00:45:56
Jules Allgood Sometimes Nic can be a little critical 'cause she's a perfectionist.
Edit 00:51:53
Dr. Nic Allgood Joni knows that this is something I'd just never allow.
Joni Allgood Mom, I'm 18 years old.
Dr. Nic Allgood Yeah?
Joni Allgood I won't even be living here in, like a month.
Dr. Nic Allgood Yeah, well, you're living here now.
Joni Allgood Yeah? Well, why don't you get a jump on it and pretend that I'm not.
Edit 00:52:29
Dr. Nic Allgood Listen, when you've been a parent for 18 years, you come and talk to me, okay?
Paul Hatfield I'm just making an observation.
Dr. Nic Allgood Yeah? Well, I need your observation like I need a dick in my ass!
Edit 01:02:03
Dr. Nic Allgood I mean, look, I'm sorry,but, you know, I feel like I'm carrying the whole load here.
Jules Allgood Yeah, ' cause that's the way you like it. That's the way you keep control.
Dr. Nic Allgood What are you talking about?
Jules Allgood Come on, you hated it when I worked. You wanted me at home taking care of the kids. You wanted a wife.
Edit 01:08:32
Paul Hatfield Yeah, I think you're being hard on yourself.You, I mean, things just get messed up sometimes.
Jules Allgood No, no, that wasn't messy. That was fucked up. I am so fucked up.
Edit 01:20:45
Dr. Nic Allgood Are you straight now?
Jules Allgood No. It has nothing to do with that! I just felt so far away from you lately.
Edit 01:24:01
Joni Allgood You're a shitty person!
Edit 01:27:24
Dr. Nic Allgood Your back hurts?
Joni Allgood Yeah. It's super achy.
Dr. Nic Allgood Well, you should take some Advil.
Edit 01:28:17
Joni Allgood What do you want from me? I did everything you wanted! I got all A's! I got into every school I applied! Now you can show everyone what a perfect lesbian family you have!
Jules Allgood Don't talk to your mom like that!
Joni Allgood You're really gonna to tell me how to act? Now?
Jules Allgood You know what? I am still your mother, and you...
Joni Allgood Don't touch me! I am sick of both of you.
Edit 01:30:17
Laser Allgood Are you seriously about to cry?
Jules Allgood I wish you were gay. You'd be much more sensitive.
Edit 01:31:19
Paul Hatfield I know that I don't have much credibility right now, but I really, really care about you. And I wanna know that I'm gonna be able to see you again someday. I mean, I... Do you think that could ever happen?
Joni Allgood I don't know. I just wish that you could've been...
Paul Hatfield What?
Joni Allgood Better.
Edit 01:32:11
Dr. Nic Allgood Let me tell you something, man, this is not your family. This is my family.
Paul Hatfield I know that, Nic.
Dr. Nic Allgood No, you don't know and you know why? Because you're a fucking interloper. If you want a family so much, you go out and make your own.
Edit 01:33:36
Jules Allgood I need to say something.It's no big secret that your mom and I are in hell right now, and... Bottom line is, marriage is hard. It's really fucking hard. Just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing. It's a fucking marathon, okay? So, sometimes, you know, you're together so long that you just... You stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk. Instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices which is what I did. And I feel sick about it because I love you guys, and I love your mom, and that's the truth. Sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most. I don't know why. You know, if I read more Russian novel, then...Anyway...I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what I did. I hope you will forgive me eventually. Thank you.
Edit 01:39:25
Joni Allgood Where'd you guys go?
Dr. Nic Allgood We had to move the car.
Joni Allgood I thought you left.
Jules Allgood We wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.
Dr. Nic Allgood Give us some credit.
Edit 01:41:30
Laser Allgood I don't think you guys should break up.
Dr. Nic Allgood No? Why's that?
Laser Allgood I think you're too old.
Dr. Nic Allgood Thanks, Laser
  • In today's dollars
    Domestic $20,811,365
    Foreign +13,894,485
  • = total worldwide gross $34,705,850
  • - a reported budget of $4,000,000
  • = a 767.6% net profit of $30,705,850
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