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| Pam Halpert |
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I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist |
| Michael Scott |
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Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me into the workplace. |
| Jim Halpert |
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Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And, well, if this were my career? I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. |
| Dwight Schrute |
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Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. |
| Dwight Schrute |
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ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? |
| Toby Flenderson | Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's, uh, you know. There's gambling and alcohol... And it's in our dangerous warehouse. And it's a school night. And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know. Is that- is that enough? Should I keep going? | |
| Michael Scott |
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Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. |
| Michael Scott |
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You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded. |
| Dwight Schrute |
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Ryan, just get in the coffin. |
| Michael Scott |
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Bro's before ho's. Why? Because bro's are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her that she was the only ho for you and that she was better then all the other ho's in the world and then... Then suddenly she's not your ho, no mo. |
| Jim Halpert |
|
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. |
| Michael Scott |
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Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make. |
| Dwight Schrute |
|
I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcrowed under my desk. People say, oh it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it's better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose. |
| Michael Scott |
|
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! |
| Kevin Malone |
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It's Michael versus Stanley and it is the clash of the Titans. In one corner you have Michael and he is mad and then in the other corner you have Stanley and he's mad! So that's about it. |
| Michael Scott |
|
Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for twelve years. And I am now his cruise director. And my name is Captain Bruisin'. |
| Kelly Kapoor | I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then, after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico. | |
| Creed Bratton | That wasn't a tapeworm. |
| Creed Bratton | That wasn't a tapeworm. |
| Stanley Hudson |
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I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They are always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles; I’m constantly hungry. You think my nipples don’t get sore too? You think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital? |
| Dwight Schrute |
|
In the Schrute family we believe in a five-fingered intervention. Awareness. Education. Control. Acceptance. And punching. |
| Dwight Schrute |
|
Fa la la la laaa, la la ka-ching. |
| Michael Scott |
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I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction. Probably because most of you have done it with him. Just Kidding. He wouldn't be interested in any of you. |
| Jim Halpert |
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Call Froggy 101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber and we're giving away free tickets, and it's his number. |
| Dwight Schrute |
|
Who's Justice Beaver? |
| Jim Halpert |
|
It's a crime-fighting beaver. |
| Dwight Schrute |
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Pam will be taken slave, Kevin will be eaten, Jim will be made a warlord's jester and Meredith will do okay. |
| Michael Scott |
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Boy, this is going to hurt like a motherf**ker. |
| Darryl Philbin |
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My future isn't controlled by seven little white balls, it's controlled by two black balls. |
| Pam Halpert |
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There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point? |
| Dwight Schrute |
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Michael, I'm so glad you came |
| Michael Scott |
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That's what she said. |
| Michael Scott |
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It's like all my children grew up and got married to each other. It's what every parent wants. |
