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| Marge Simpson |
|
This is the best gift of all, Homer. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
It is? |
| Marge Simpson |
|
Yes, something to share our love. And frighten prowlers. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
D'oh! |
| Edna Krabappel |
|
Now I don't want you to worry, class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in town. |
| Marge Simpson |
|
Maybe we should move to a larger community. |
| Abraham Simpson |
|
I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children. |
| Abraham Simpson |
|
I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals,who remember the good old days, when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
[on heaven] I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us who rollerskate and smoke cigars? |
| Bart Simpson |
|
*Gasp* Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
He was a zombie? |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Oh Mr. Plow, yes that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! (gasp) But what else is open at night? |
| Homer Simpson |
|
It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
I call the big one Bitey. |
| Waylan Smithers | Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the Constitution with the word 'suckers' in it. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish that Flanders was dead. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty - that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive? |
| Marge Simpson |
|
That's because you were drunk! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
And how. |
| Bart Simpson |
|
Oh no, the dead have risen and are voting Republican! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college! |
| Bart Simpson |
|
I don't think any of us expected him to say that. |
| Montgomery Burns |
|
Here's a phone... call somebody who cares. |
| Lisa Simpson |
|
(Dials 911) |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Lousy teachers, trying to pawn off our kids on us! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
When Marge first told me she was going to the police academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie, Spaceballs. But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie, Police Academy. |
| Frank Grimes |
|
I live in a single room that's above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Homer no function beer well without. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Le Grille? What the hell is that? |
| Lisa Simpson |
|
Wow! My first published article! ooh! Although someone else's name is on it. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Heh heh. Welcome to the humiliating world of professional writing. |
| Homer Simpson |
|
Then we figured out we could park them in front of the T.V. That's how I was raised, and I turned out T.V |
| Homer Simpson |
|
They're moving the team to albuquerque!? |
| Ned Flanders |
|
Well looks like someone's having a pre rapture party! |
| Homer Simpson |
|
No Flanders, its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested. |
