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| Leo McGarry |
|
The President, while riding his bike while vacationing in Jackson Hole, came to a sudden arboreal stop. |
| Donna Moss |
|
I heard it's broken. |
| Leo McGarry |
|
You heard wrong. |
| Donna Moss |
|
I heard... |
| Leo McGarry |
|
It's a mild sprain, he'll be back later today. |
| Donna Moss |
|
And what was the cause of the accident? |
| Leo McGarry |
|
What are you, from State Farm? Go, do a job! Wouldja? |
| Donna Moss |
|
I'm just saying... |
| Leo McGarry |
|
He was swerving to avoid a tree. |
| Donna Moss |
|
And what happened? |
| Leo McGarry |
|
He was unsuccessful. |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
The chairs that you're sitting on were built from a pirate ship captured during the Spanish American War. |
| Josh Lyman |
|
Victory is mine, victory is mine, great day in the morning people, victory is mine. |
| Donna Moss |
|
Morning, Josh. |
| Josh Lyman |
|
I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land! |
| Donna Moss |
|
It's gonna be an unbearable day. |
| Claudia Jean "C. J." Cregg |
|
You can have a normal life. You'd be amazing how normal I can be. See, It's all about budgeting your time. This time, this hour, this is my time. 5 a.m. to 6 a.m. I can work out as you see, I can think about personal matters, I can... meet an interesting man! |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
A 76 grandmother doesn't defend herself with a modified AK-47 assault rifle, Larry, unless she's defending herself against Turkish rebels. |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
Please believe me when I tell you I'm nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll that says a considerable portion of Americans feel that the White House has lost energy and focus, a perception that's not likely to be altered by the video footage of the President riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coast Guard are fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic while the Governor of Florida wants to blockade the port of Miami. A good friend of mine is about to get fired for going on television and making sense, and it turns out I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night. Now, would you please, in the name of compassion, tell me which one of those kids is my boss' daughter? |
| Mallory | That would be me. | |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
You? |
| Mallory | Yes. | |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
Leo's daughter's fourth-grade class? |
| Mallory | Yes. | |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
Well, this is bad on so many levels. |
| Josiah "Jed" Bartlet |
|
You stole my steaks. |
| Dolores Landingham |
|
I didn't steal them. I was simply following the direct orders of Captain Morris Tolliver. M.D. Who would like to see your diet contain a little less... |
| Josiah "Jed" Bartlet |
|
You are a Cattle Rustler, Mrs. Landingham |
| Dolores Landingham |
|
If you say so, Mr. President |
| Josiah "Jed" Bartlet |
|
Between you and Morris Tolliver who needs a wife or a mother? |
| Claudia Jean "C. J." Cregg |
|
USA Today asks you why you don't spend more time campaigning in Texas, and you say it was because you don't look good in funny hats. |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
It was 'big hats'. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
This administration doesn't even need an opposition party, you know that? We do fine by ourselves. |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
About a week ago, I accidentally slept with a prostitute. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
Really? |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
Yes. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
You accidentally slept with a prostitute? |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
Call girl. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
Accidentally? |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
Yes. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
I don't understand, did you trip over something? |
| Morris | In the event of a military coup, sir, what makes you think that the Secret Service will be on your side? |
| Leo McGarry |
|
There's two things in the world you never want to let people see how you make 'em: laws and sausages. |
| Leo McGarry |
|
Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big block of cheese. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
Huh. |
| Leo McGarry |
|
I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I am preparing appropriate retribution. The block of cheese was huge - over two tons. And it was there for any and all who might be hungry. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
Leo, wouldn't this time be better spent plotting a war against a country that can't possibly defend itself against us? |
| Leo McGarry |
|
We can do that later, Toby. Right now I'm talking about President Andrew Jackson. |
| Josiah "Jed" Bartlet |
|
It was not a space ship from another planet, just another time - a long since abandoned Soviet satellite. One of its booster rockets didn't fire and it couldn't escape Earth's orbit. A sad reminder of the time when two powerful nations challenged each other and then boldly raced into outer space. What will be the next thing that challenges us, Toby? That makes us go farther and work harder? You know that when smallpox was eradicated, it was considered the single greatest humanitarian achievement of this century? Surely we can do it again, as we did in the time when our eyes looked towards the heavens, and with outstretched fingers we touched the face of God. |
| Josh Lyman |
|
An hour with you in a rare book store? Couldn't you just drop me off the top of the Washington Monument instead? |
| Josiah "Jed" Bartlet |
|
It's Christmas Josh, no reason we can't do both! |
| Josiah "Jed" Bartlet |
|
This is a debate that is obviously going to continue in town halls, city halls, state legislatures, and the U.S. House of Representatives. There is a population in this country that seems to focus so much time and energy into this conversation, so much so that I am forced to ask this question - is there an epidemic of flag burning going on that I'm not aware of? |
| Josh Lyman |
|
We're gonna do good cop bad cop. |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
No, we're really not. |
| Josh Lyman |
|
Why not? |
| Toby Ziegler |
|
'Cause this isn't an episode of Hawaii Five-O. How about you be the good cop and I be the cop that doesn't go to the meeting? |
| Claudia Jean "C. J." Cregg |
|
This is our 5th press briefing since midnight. Obviously, there's one story that's going to dominate news around the world for the next few days, and it would be easy to think that President Bartlet, Joshua Lyman, and Stephanie Abbott were the only victims of a gun crime last night. They weren't. Mark Davis and Sheila Evans of Philadelphia were killed by a gun last night. He was a Biology Teacher and she was a Nursing student. Tina Bishop and Linda Larkin were killed with a gun last night. They were 12. There were 36 homicides last night. 480 sexual assaults, 3,411 robberies, 3,685 aggravated assaults, all at gunpoint. And if anyone thinks those crimes could have been prevented if the victims themselves had been carrying guns, I'd only remind you that the President of the United States was shot last night while surrounded by the best trained armed guards in the history of the world. Back to the briefing. |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
'Cause it's next. 'Cause we came out of the cave and we looked over the hill and we saw fire. And we crossed the ocean and we pioneered the West and we took to the sky. The history of man is hung on a timeline of exploration, and this is what's next. |
| Donna Moss |
|
It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago. Why does it matter? |
| Sam Seaborn |
|
It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea, and one that’s lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just a crime against the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln called the last full measure of devotion, of fidelity. |
| Cliff Calley |
|
This is why good people hate us. This, right here. This thing. This isn't what these hearings are about. He cannot possibly have been properly prepared by counsel for these questions, nor should he ever have to answer them publicly. And if you proceed with this line of questioning, I will resign this Committee, and wait in the tall grass for you, Congressman. Because you are killing the party. |
| Amy Gardner |
|
Am I being hazed? Is this a hazing? 'Cause I'll go along and everything, but I have to see Josh... |
| Will Bailey | It's not a hazing. They don't do that. Except... yes, you put olives in my jacket again. | |
| Claudia Jean "C. J." Cregg |
|
I did, I did do that. But this is on the level. |
| Charlie Young |
|
Do you have a girlfriend? |
| Will Bailey | No. | |
| Charlie Young |
|
When was the last time you did? |
| Will Bailey | About nine months ago. | |
| Charlie Young |
|
How long did it last? |
| Will Bailey | About two days. In my defense, though, she was psycho. | |
| Charlie Young |
|
So why are you giving me relationship help? |
| Will Bailey | Because I'm the only one in this conversation who didn't get a Dear John email from his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend. | |
| Charlie Young |
|
God, that's really true, isn't it? |
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FinalDasa
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