Transformers: Dark Of The Moon was pretty damn obviously going to make a hell of a lot of money. And, funnily enough, it did make a hell of a lot of money. And it, in fact, destroyed the rest of the chart with over £10 and 1/2 million in takings. And yet, that’s still nowhere near as big as I was expecting. Don’t forget, Pirates 4 earned £11 million in its opening weekend. Plus, Transformers opened on a Wednesday. So factoring out the Wednesday/Thursday takings it drops to an even less impressive £6.5 million. That’s... legitimately disappointing. Not for me, I’m glad that sh*t like this is failing miserably. But for stockholders... now those rich assholes won’t be able to become even bigger rich assholes! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!!
Other than that, I suppose the biggest news is the mahoosive drop in takings for the rest of the list bar one. Unbelievably, for a film I really thought people would not be seeing again, Bridesmaids had a fantastic weekend merely dropping to number 2 with just over £2 million! Factoring out previews from last week’s takings, it’s only dropped 17%! Wow! I’m completely shocked! In a good way! Well done British cinema folk for supporting a great comedy for a change!
As for new entries, Larry Crowne did the “best” of the non-Transformers bunch, coming in fifth with about £350,000. I say “best”, I really mean “raped in the butt by several weeks old movies”. Dehli Belly, a movie that really exists and I did not just make up honest, came in ninth. And Robert Redford’s new film The Conspirator, that opened on 107 screens, did exactly as bad as I expected coming in 16th with nearly £40,000. Clearly; when it comes to American movies, we Brits are going to go for the big dumb action packed sh*tty one every time. This is indicative of today’s society so much, I wish real aliens would just come kick our arses right now and save us the trouble of having to do it to ourselves.
Oh; and we sadly have to say goodbye to Senna, which dropped to twelfth this week. Let’s face it though; it had a fantastic run of it all. I mean, a documentary? Staying in the charts for not one, but three weeks? In the UK? In today’s market? It’s practically witchcraft, I tells ya! Regardless, well done both Senna and the UK cinema going public for keeping it in for so long. We did the impossible, and that makes us mighty! (Callback joke + Firefly reference = One Film Blogger Who’s Severely Up His Own Arse!)
Who’s ready for a UK Film Council-assisted full list? (Yep, they finally got somebody back to do their job!)
UK Box Office Results: 1st – 3rd July
1] Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
£6,501,767 / £10,728,503 / NEW
What is up with that title? Every time I look at it it makes me think of Pink Floyd’s classic “Dark Side Of The Moon”, and that is the last thing I want attached to this utter steaming cackfest of a series! Plus, the grammatical errors infuriate me! Shouldn’t it be “The Dark Of The Moon”? I’m pretty damn f*cking certain! So we can also add “grammar Nazi” to Michael Bay’s list of... er... “accomplishments”. But for the final word on the matter, I’ll hand you over to Mark Kermode’s destruction of the film. Nothing can follow this.
£2,007,171 / £7,915,726
Really, really happy to see this doing so well. Hopefully this means that we are finally going to just to give money to great comedies rather than extremely unfunny, overrated barrels of sh*t. Can’t imagine what I’m referring to!
3] Kung Fu Panda 2
£728,598 / £12,625,531
Well this lost a lot of its money very quickly. I thought it would continue to keep making at least over a million for one more week at least. But no. Seems parents get sick of dumping their children at a DreamWorks movie. Can’t say I blame them!
4] Bad Teacher
£512,069 / £5,659,577
A 52% drop this week. As much as I hope that this’ll drop off next week, let me inform you what the biggest release is: The Tree Of Life. And it only gets worse from there. You know? I think this list is going to be exactly the same next week. And I mean exactly the same.
5] Larry Crowne
£346,486 / NEW
Sooo.... I’m guessing that senior citizens weren’t running trips to the cinema this weekend and chose to stay at the retirement home playing bingo instead. Well, their loss. Actually, from the looks of this, it’s probably more their gain.
6] The Hangover Part II
£301,482 / £31,816,539
Weirdly, this is only up for 4 Teen Choice Awards and not one of them is Best Comedy (by the by, I’ll be tearing into these in a two-parter tomorrow and Friday). Are American teenage girls wising up to decent movies? Are they vaginas. Case in point; this is now the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time. I hate life.
7] Green Lantern
£279,485 / £5,506,570
75% drop. £717 per screen average. Let’s just have a look at how much we’re up to right now... $136 million? After three weeks? Budget of $200 million? ... Might wanna shelve those franchise plans, Warner Bros. Just sayin’...
8] X-Men First Class
£215,011 / £14,249,970
We are getting that First Class sequel, after all! Yes! Yes! And triple yes! This is a damn good day to be a movie fan, I’ll tell you that!
9] Delhi Belly
£155,211 / NEW
The tagline is “S#!t Happens”. No, really. And yet, this still seems funnier than The Hangover Part II was.
10] Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
£148,362 / £32,299,727
Well, folks, we finally did it! We got Pirates 4 past the $1 billion mark! The cynics said we’d never make it, but they were obviously talking out of their arses! We did it!! ... Hang on... I’m getting some info from my producer in my earpiece... You mean the movie’s a complete cash-in crapfest? ... And we shouldn’t be celebrating? ... Well... this is highly embarrassing! Heh...
F*ck you all.
Dropped Out: Senna, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules, Double Dhamaal
That’s this week’s list! Comment below, follow me and join me here every Wednesday for the latest Box Office Report!
jackanderson’s childlike, no one understands, jack-knife, in his sweaty hands