X-Men: First Class is a very tricky sell to the general public. The general public who had been burned horrifically by X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The general public who probably can’t stand the thought of sitting through yet another terrible X-Men movie. The general public who don’t religiously check movie sites and were not aware that this movie could actually be pretty damn awesome. So, pretty tough sell. Regardless, X-Men: First Class made nearly £5.5 million and took the number one spot…
But (and if I’ve learnt anything over these last 16 years I’ve been alive, it’s to completely disregard everything said before “But”), those were for 5 day totals. When the Wednesday and Thursday totals are factored out, First Class did even worse, coming in second with just less than £3.5 million. Guess what beat it out? Only the total crap fest known as The Hangover: Part II, winning by only £400,000 and despite a huge 55% drop in earnings. Sigh.
It’s a mixture of good and bad news in the rest of the list. Prom, that one film that Disney tried to put up against X-Men, came in 15th with almost £35,000. Ha! Unfortunately, it has been such a slow weekend for movies that the gorram JLS (pronounced: Ju-lus! for Americans unfamiliar with them) concert movie Eyes Wide Open (in, wait for it, THRREEEEEEE DEEEEEEE!) managed to place fifth. Fifth! FIFTH!!
It’s a very eclectic list too in the last two new entries. The latest Bollywood Movie Of The Month in the form of Ready made its debut (and possibly only appearance) in seventh place. And Senna, the documentary about the greatest F1 driver of all time, landed in sixth place with £375,000 on 67 screens and a per-screen average of £5,194. Very, very nice. Hopefully these encouraging numbers will get more cinemas to pull their fingers out of their arses and add it to their listings.
Who’s ready for a Not So Amazing Full List?
UK Box Office Results: 3rd – 5th June
1] The Hangover: Part II
£3,826,158 / £21,055,272
Saw this on Thursday and, lo and behold, it was a complete barrel of unfunny sh*te! Just like I hoped it would be, and just as we all thought it would be! Huzzah! Unfortunately, the next comedies don’t come out for another 3 weeks meaning that, depressingly, this is going to continue to earn sh*t tonnes of money to throw on its money pile before the next sequel comes out to annoy me all over again. Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker(!)
2] X-Men: First Class
£3,429,374 / £5,438,386 / NEW
When will movie studios learn that opening on Wednesdays hurt, rather than help, their movies? I’m seeing this either this weekend or next week, but I am damn sure seeing it! And you should too!
3] Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
£2,144,179 / £26,693,930
This is not going away any time soon, is it? To pass the time, then, here is, from Microsoft’s utter train wreck of an E3 press conference, 5 Minutes Of Fistbump !
4] Diary Of A Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules
£645,196 / £3,622,991
Much less impressive numbers this week. And with Kung Fu Panda 2 out this week (assuming the potential audience haven’t already been to the half term preview showings), this film’s earnings are probably going to go bye-bye next week. Mind you, I’ve been saying that about Rio for the past 4 f*cking weeks now and yet it still clings on, refusing to let go, with a grip like a vice!
5] JLS: Eyes Wide Open 3D
£463,914 / NEW
Now; I know that a lot of you are not in touch with current popular music, or what passes for “music” these days. And so many of you may have no idea who JLS are or what it is exactly that they are peddling to today’s youth. Well, now you can find out! Just click this link! Please? No, seriously, click the damn link. It’s already showing up in my f*cking YouTube history and there is no way it’ll ever get clean again! I’m suffering for you people! Click the link! CLICK THE GORRAM LINK! I GO TO ALL THE TROUBLE OF MAKING YOU A LINK AND… Right, you know what? Forget it! Don’t click it! I don’t care! You’re probably doing yourself a favour anyway, you selfish pr*ck! Don’t you read that with that tone of voice! What on earth did your mother teach…? Yeah, that just went to a weird place.
£348,022 / £375,173 / NEW
Literally just as I typed, “Hopefully these encouraging numbers will get more cinemas to pull their fingers out of their arses and add it to their listings” did I check on my local VUE for times for X-Men and, lo and behold, there was a time for Senna! Tuesday the 21st of June at 7PM, but it’s a time regardless. That’s one for the calendar then!
£236,868 / NEW
Rather than be bothered to actually research this movie for something interesting or witty to say, how about we have another E3 meme? Get ready to revel in the delights of “Great Job, Jeremy” !
£94,127 / £12,890,750
Only one more week before we hit 10 weeks with this on the chart! You know, it’s gotten to the point where it’s sort of a comfort to see this on the list. Like, when it disappears, the list’ll be in complete chaos, you know? But yeah, it might go next week. Or it’ll hang on at number 10 and mock me. Probably the latter.
9] Fast Five
£77,874 / £18,368,657
Vin Diesel thinks that Fast Five may be in with a shot at an Oscar nomination . In completely unrelated news; Arkham Asylum has reported a missing patient.
£59,994 / £13,849,095
And to finish the E3 related vids, here’s ShatterFrame running through this year’s show in under 2 minutes . Ah, I love it when the internet does my work for me!
Dropped Out: Hanna, Insidious, Attack The Block, Water For Elephants
That’s this week’s list! Comment below, follow me and join me here every Wednesday for the latest UK Box Office Report!
jackanderson’s tired of all your friends listening at your door.